It was an internal quiet that I had yet to truly experience in this space - a communal arena in which we gather to celebrate one another and this thing called 'life.' Yesterday morning, I tried to release a high pitch fervor of bounding energy and unbridled enthusiasm but it just wasn't forthcoming. Where ecstasy usually resides, sat a deep and pervasive quiet. Unaccustomed to this new site, I wondered, "How do I connect with others, which is my impetus for arriving into our weekly dance space, in this way and from this location - this site of dark fermentation and nutritious soil/soul/sole?"
Words and images found on a Tarot card resonated: the 5 of cups catching the charred remains of burned, illusory rainbows and the ashes of disappointment. I sat near our makeshift altar with my trusty companion, a black, cloth-lined binder, in my lap. I arranged myself, and drifted towards meditation. Before I fell into my own pulsating rhythm, my eyes fell upon another - Christy. She was sitting across the room, with her back against a corner wall, breathing in, eyes closed. I stood up, and sauntered gently over to her side. I slid my back up against the same white wall. I arranged my legs, crossed, underneath me, placed my right hand on her knee, and joined her. In silence. In breath.
Soon, I felt the presence of another. I did not open my eyes. I only sensed, heard, felt and intuited. Following my same footsteps from only minutes before, he sidled up, his long torso erect and extending upwards. He placed his right hand on my left knee. We three now sat there, breathing in, eyes closed, exhaling on sound, releasing. Her left hand on my right knee. My right hand on her left knee. My left hand on his right knee.
Next, I became acutely aware that our trio had expanded. Another being had placed himself, sitting on the wood floor, legs crossed underneath him, directly across from me. I did not open my eyes. I sensed, felt, and intuited, our growing union. Together, the four of us, Christy, myself, Samuel, and William, breathed in. Together, we intoned - our voices, hymns, and lullabies, drifted up in sweet grace. Our songs, released from a deep dark, emerged. Twirling on air currents and dancing in delight. Spinning, dipping, gliding, motioning.
Then, we laughed. Deep, guttural guffaws. Light and airy tee-hee-hees, and forced, maniacal jest. The emotion, the swelling, the vulnerability poured forth. It was uncontrollable. It was raw. It was here, it was now. And, it was over. "Time to dance!" Christy chirped. And we stood, to usher in the end of another Dance Church session.
In retrospect, what I savored most about this experience was how I intuitively knew who was joining our union without having to see. Without opening my eyes, I knew.
A primal intimacy was shared, enjoyed, experienced, and then released.
