Sunday, September 28, 2014

the Dance of the Dissident Daughter (for Everyone, Everywhere)

~ My Body is for My Pleasure ~

excerpt taken from Sue Monk Kidd's book The Dance of the Dissident Daughter
"You sure are quiet," Sandy says.
I smiled at him. "Just thinking."
"About what?"
"About the slow, hidden way a woman's life changes."
""Hidden how?"
"Well, let's say there's this woman, this Everywoman, and one night she has a dream about giving birth to herself. She doesn't realize it of course, but she's about to be pregnant with a new feminine life. And, sure enough, she starts to get wake up calls - an odd slip of tongue, maybe, in which she hears herself putting the word Father before her own name. The next thing she knows, she is uncovering the feminine wound - hers and the church's and the whole world's. She tries to run away from the whole thing, but before she gets too far, she finds herself on a beach with dancing women, celebrating an experience of female soul she can't even comprehend but that deep down makes her long for the mysterious thing she's lost."
He looked at me. "And this woman decides to find it."
"Yes, but first she decides she has to look honestly at her female life. When she does, she starts to see what a good daughter to patriarchy she has been, how she has created her life by blueprints that aren't even her own. Then she looks at the church, her marriage, the whole culture, the way it really is, the way women have been devalued and excluded, how the feminine has been suppressed and left out, and she knows for the first time that the absence of the Divine Feminine has left a hole in her.
She says, No more. She gets angry - no, make that furious. But she's real scared too. She feels stuck, so lodged in 'the way it is' she can't imagine anything else. Until one day she goes into a drugstore and sees her daughter on her knees before these men who are laughing at her subordinate posture, and something happens to this woman."
The car slowed a little as Sandy grew more absorbed in what I was saying. I realized he was hearing the unbroken tale of my journey, albeit the ultracondensed version, for the first time, in a way I was, too.
"So the woman decides to go away and reassess, to follow her own wisdom, which is starting to trickle down to her. She decides to let her old life collapse at her feet, to risk everything."
"I bet her husband remembers that part real well," he said.
"Okay, so it is hard on them both. But it's worth it. Because in the end, they find a whole new marriage. Plus, the woman finds this circle of trees, this space of Sacred Feminine experience

Monday, September 15, 2014

One. Week. To Goooooooooooooooo


Baby Boy,

You've blown into my life as a blessing, chasing away any remaining demons and leaving nothing but a Powerful Warrior Goddess in your wake. This year (and I have been pregnant all year long!), has been the best year of my entire adult life. Still, I can not fathom what lay on the other side of your birth. Instead, I promise to do what I have been doing, which is taking Life one day at a time. You've dropped me farther and deeper into presence and just bee-ing than I could have ever hoped for, or imagined. And I thank you for this. I trust that we shall continue to teach each other much as the moments unfold, moment by moment by moment.

So, here I am so close to your due date (which is slated for Sunday, Sept. 21st ~ the International Day of Peace, which is only fitting since you are a son of White Buffalo Calf Woman ; ) and, aside from beeing exhausted due to a now most auspicious heat wave that has hit San Diego County (making sleep even more unbearable for a 9-month pregnant woman!), I am happy, I am healthy and I am ready for whatever is to come. 

Part of me feels a desire to mourn this passing phase, even as I prepare myself for my second rite of passage, aka Labor. Much like my Rattlesnake Bite taught me, pain is relative ~ the treasure lays in just how much I can breathe through and bee with extreme discomfort. I am not afraid of our up and coming Delivery Dance. I welcome it! I embrace it! I can't wait to discover this part of me ~ how She dances, writhes and wriggles through the ebb and flow of contractions.

I've been reading Sue Monk Kidd's The Dance of the Dissident Daughter and, like much of my reading of late, it is yet another affirmation of how I simply embody Life ~ for there is nothing else "to do" here. As your Daddy said yesterday, "Cara, I was reading someone's thoughts about Spirituality and he basically said what you espouse, "Just Bee." Don't try to force an outcome, or meditate life away. Don't try to manipulate a response or premeditate a way. Just Bee." In Kidd's book, among many others, I am given the opportunity to witness where my own evolution has brought me. This Goddess is well aware of who She is and why She is Here. 

My intention is to raise you to know your Divinity AND to instill in you the humility of celebrating and honoring Divinity in every reflection you come across. For this is the true state of grace.
We are not here to take due to some sense of erroneous entitlement. We are here to GIVE, to bee of service and to lead powerful lives that demonstrate LOVE ~ allowing the flaws of our natural humanity to shine forth as we steadfastly plod towards that steady drumbeat of Harmony & Justice for All.


You, as well as all of your Soul Sisters and Brothers coming into Bee~ing now,

are our Miracles! 

May you remember.


We Love You All Ways,

your Parents in Body, Mind & Spirit

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Cahlo Watch 2014 ~ 1.5 weeks to Go, & a Letter from His Father

Fully Expressed, 100% Sober & Emotionally Available ~ Your Father
(here he is chasing away evil spirits in honor of your coming)
Cahlo,

As you can see, your mother has been freely journaling your birth story. I, of course, have had a front row seat in the process, and I felt like sharing what your birth has been like from this perspective.

We've received countless congratulations, and just as many words of encouragement. Often people assure me that I'll be a great father, as I am one already to your sister; I'm flattered that people think that, and it does inspire me to be the best father I can be.

They also expect that I have a fair sense of composure about the process, having been through it before; unlike your mom, as you're her first child. There's truth to that, yes, as I'm able to reassure your mom at times, knowing a bit how fluid and dynamic pregnancy can be. You're full of surprises already, not just in your movements, but in your overt and subtle ways of affecting our lives.

As a father, I'm a witness to your mother going through this extraordinary process. Her body is changing dramatically, of course. More than that, though, I revel in watching your mother unfold her maternal self; you've evoked parts of her that have been dormant, and watching them come to life is beautiful.

I chose your mother to be my partner because she's incredibly honest and trustworthy. I also loved her love for life; all of it, not just the pretty bits. I encourage you to listen to your mother, and trust what she says. Her perspective on life is acute and magical, and I know she'll help you learn to discover life fully.

Of course, I'll be here, and I can't wait to discover who you are, who wou want to be. We'll learn from each other, and I'm excited for that prospect.

We've also gathered a lovely community of people that love to love. In Asian cultures, we extend our families freely, calling good friends "Auntie" and "Uncle". Here in town, we've found our Soul Family, and it actually stretches around the globe. You have been loved from the moment we knew you were coming.

Last week, our midwife tuned me further into the notion of how your birth is a ritual, and I couldn't help but see these past 8+ months as fully part of the ritual, for you, for your mother, and for me. You and your mother get to go through the birthing process first hand, and I'll be there as open as I can be, to be a part of the experience. Our intent is to bring you as gently into the world as possible so you know what it feels like to be safe and sound from Day One, nursing along the experience that you've had in your mother's womb all this time.

I'm turning back to work now, something you've help to rekindle within me. I'll see you soon.

--Poopa

A more serene image of how he usually appears
whenever he speaks up (& naturally attests to what is in my heart)

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Your Birth Story continued (a Journey of a Million Blessings)

 I love experiencing you inside of me

At 38 weeks pregnant, with 14 days to go, the week of my Blessing Way has now come to pass. An indigenous ceremony "a Blessingway is an old Navajo (native American) ceremony, which celebrates a woman’s rite of passage into motherhood...Unlike a traditional baby shower, where gifts are purchased for the baby, a Mother Blessing is all about nurturing the mother-to-be and celebrating motherhood.

As with most special events in modern society, baby showers have become very commercialised. If you were to ask someone to describe what happens at a baby shower, the answer would probably be something like, ‘where women get together and give gifts for the baby’. There is also so much focus on the new arrival and excitement of meeting the baby, and very little focusing on and nurturing the mother – ‘filling her cup’ – so it overflows with love. A woman who is given lots of love has more love to give in return – and there is nothing like a circle of loving women to get that oxytocin (hormone of love) flowing!"

My week beegan with my feeling very tired, with achy hips and feet, and that I was just about "done." I had hit a wall. I questioned my ability to keep working as well as to show up to my own blessing ceremony. While at my appointment with our Mid-Wives, I was encouraged to just RECEIVE. Indeed, it was indelible timing that the week for me to receive appeared just when I needed it the most!

So, I showed up to dance on Tuesday night first where I noticed that most of the cars in the parking lot beelonged to men. Inside the studio, my brothers offered me tender loving care as they massaged my feet, legs and hands, supported me from beehind, and gave me whatever I asked for. Heaven! Through non-verbal cues and language, these brothers of mine (and Uncles to you) bestowed us with their sweet blessings.

On Wednesday night, I arrived at the Frazee's home for our women-only circle. Of course many babes were there - beecause wherever there are women there is children, thus it is a crime against humanity to separate the two - running around the yard, beeing free and wild as the men were there to watch and care for them. Your Aunts, Letty and Jamie, had dressed the Yurt for our ritual and led an intimate group of us through a gentle foot washing and then into ceremony.

Entering the sacred womb last, my senses ecstatically took in a vibrant altar celebrating the Goddess, a platter of fresh bread, cheese, avocado and papaya, pillows surrounding the altar upon which sat a myriad of diverse Goddesses in human form, and a bed for me to sit and lay upon bejeweled with flower petals. A dream come true!

We beegan by sharing tales of our Birth Stories. Leslee, our Doula and your Daddy's "adopted mother," was there to share of how she birthed her 4 children at home, as well as 500 other babies as a Mid-Wife. I, however, had to honestly attest to how disconnected I feel to my own Birth Story. I don't know what it was like for my mother to carry me in her womb for those nine months. Did she love her belly, as it grew bigger and bigger? I also have no sense of what her delivery was like, or how she felt about her overall experience of her third and last pregnancy. Thus, I am re-righting the story with You. ;)

We finished our ceremony with the women disrobing me and then laying me down on a bed of flower petals, where I was ceremoniously massaged with copious amounts of coconut oil. A dozen plus hands kneaded my flesh and muscle, including little babe's hands that fondled my breasts like udders, as I relinquished everything and simply filled my cup with their nourishing touch. Soon, the women's voices beegan to rise and fall as they sang sweet hymns over my receptive body. It was pure magic made of human simplicity.

We concluded our ceremony with my choosing to remain in the Yurt. I just wanted to soak in the nurturing atmosphere. I also asked Aunt Gina to bring your father in, who laid down beeside me and together we just breathed. Soon enough, however, he was naked and we were engaged in sensual embrace. Once I felt totally full, I decided to honor your father with his own, intimate ceremony. So, I gave him a full body massage with cocount oil as I decorated his body with rose petals and read to him a few of the blessings left beehind in the Yurt.

YOU ARE OUR BLESSING, Cahlo Ra Moon.   

A Prayer for One Who Comes to Choose The Life
by Danelia Wild

May he know the welcome
of open arms and hearts
May he know that he is loved
by many and by one
May he know the circle of friendship that gives
and receives love in all forms
May he know and be known
in the heart of another
May he know the heart
that is the Earth
reach for the stars and
call it home
And in the end
may he find everything
in his heart
and his heart
in everything.

Some of your aunties loving me up

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

37 Weeks Pregnant and 3 Weeks to Go

You are my wings of transformation
My Dearest Sun,

What a journey this has been and, as eager as I am to meet you, I also want to keep on beeing pregnant.
(Can't I have both? ;)

Goddess, I've felt so emotionally balanced these last four to five months. The anxiety that usually has me biting at my fingers abated (look at my beautiful nails in the photo above ~ I've always wanted to wave around dainty, feminine hands but old, deep seeded feelings of not beeing safe kept me picking and chewing at my hands), and I've also been even-keeled without dips in either a low or a high direction.

This isn't to imply that "stuff" hasn't come up beecause it has and, in relationship, it does. Your dad and I just move through the discomfort as equally as we move through the fun. We are here to model to you how to do this because it's important work to bee able to bee with both. However, as he said the other day, your dad is starting to beecome 'impatient.' "Oh, you want your turn now?" I chided him. ;)

One year beefore you were conceived, I recognized just how imbalanced I was in my Feminine. I was all creative chaos and flow without the balance of a container to hold me. So, I called in my Masculine to help even me out. (And, here you are. ;)

A year ago, when you're dad and I first beecame lovers, I was walking from his apartment down Encinitas Boulevard ~ after yet another night of red-stained passion ;) ~ when I saw a rainbow stretched across the western sky. It was such an unusual tropical sight for our desert beaches. And, now, my pregnancy has peaked during an non-typical summer when, on a few occasions, the skies opened up and rain poured down. (We were all doing the happy dance each time this happened! Yes, Rain! We need you, we love you!)

It has been an auspicious time, indeed. The third in a series of summer Super Moons will be close to Earth again this month (next Tuesday, Sept. 9th to bee exact). A few of us pregnant Mamas are feeling the tug of the approaching moon's gravity already ~ we're tired and achy, and we're starting to feel "done" with our baking jobs. ;)

A "Baby Boom" is in full effect as so many of us Women are finding ourselves in the throes of Pregnancy and Labor. I beelieve it's beecause it is a Wood Horse Year (Chinese zodiac), full of Powerful, Masculine Seed. ;) (Your Papa is a Fire Horse, by the way.)

Not too long ago, your father and I were strolling south along Swami's beach when a butterfly flitted along beside us, and above washed up kelp beds, for what felt like over 5 minutes. Your dad asked me what butterfly medicine means and I told him it's all about transformation. Again, we felt the hands of the Universe at play ~ we know that you're life is more than meant to bee, it's destiny. ;) 
I also want to tell you about how, for many years there, I didn't think I would bear children beecause I questioned if it was a wise decision. Things on planet Earth are not looking too prosperous for the human race (along with too many other disappearing species). We're blatantly poisoning our water, air and land (and, thus, ourselves) in the name of greed. Personally, I've not felt overwhelmingly positive about a turn around for this predicament for too many years now. Giving Birth to You is My Choosing Hope over despair.

Like the Butterfly, I beelieve that you ~ and all of your Soul Brothers and Sisters who are also coming into human form now ~ are transforming the human genetic code that has prevailed for the past thousands of years from a culture of fear and ignorance back into our Organic Roots of Love, Authentic Freedom, Innocence, Purity & Joy. True Abundance with no stuff needed. Only Life Affirming Relationships with Self, Earth and Others will do.

What this means is that we need you to Live Your Humanity ~ to rise up and speak out for what is just; to cry and holler when life demands it; to lay down and nap often; to rise with the sun and set with the moon; to make Love to every moment beecause this is all we have; and to Dance and Rejoice in the faces of both Birth and Death.  

You are here for a Purpose.
It is with great meaning that your Life has been bestowed.


We Love You and Trust that Your Path will Unfold as it is Divinely Meant to,
Your Parents