Wednesday, July 31, 2013

ALONE

I have this soul mate.  
Well, actually, I have many ~ 
because I beelieve that so many of our Souls are burning, churning & flaring,
with that same nuclear fusion that powers our Sun
(and I think it has to do with this whole, every 26,000 years, cycle that the Mayan calendar foretold).

It is important to understand though that the thing about Soul mates is not that we were
meant to bee "together forever."  Rather, it is simply that in our relating, the most profound and vital life lessons for our growth and destiny unfolds.  Sometimes, these experiences are sweet and fun.  Other times, they are bitter and painful.  Each is equally potent and powerful; neither are "good" or "bad."  Learning these distinctions is tantamount.

So, I have this One soulmate and, early on, when I was waxing poetically about my connection to the initials, "C.C.C.", she responded by saying that, for her, the three C's have always represented, "CO-DEPENDENCE,"  "COMPULSION," and "COCKINESS."  And, I was like,
"Damn, she got my number."  ; ) 

Recently, someone was asking me why I haven't engaged in a long-term, committed relationship in four years and my response was that, in the past, I had found myself in two, unhealthy relationships because of my co-dependent habits.  So, I guess I've been focusing on how to bee dependent on me.

Last night, while strolling along a post-dusk, Encinitas shoreline, I tasted the gratitude on my lips for arriving here, now.  I've never felt so "alone" in my life - yet, it's an alone~ness that is spacious and full.  The grasping at the hand of others out of the fear that I can't strike out on my own; the need to have another hear me just so I can 'dump' the craziness of an experience just had; and, even, the hope that someone, somewhere will bee the perfect-fit puzzle piece to get me to go and do and bee exactly the person I am meant to bee are all noticeably absent.  There's no one here but me. 

However, as the sounds of the surging tide engulfed my eardrums and as the orange-hued horizon faded into a gray-blue,  I felt indelibly held and supported.  I AM NEVER ALONE.  The Universe is holding me, rocking me to and fro, like a babe in its arms.  Together, we tumble, making LOVE in ease and grace, over and over again.  

There is certainly uncertainty here, for my little mind can not fathom what tomorrow is to bring.  I feel fear brewing at this thought.  I notice it and allow it the space to just bee, for it is this feeling that keeps me on my toes, ever ready and aware.  And, it seems, that all there is to do is to keep placing one foot in front of the other, striding confidently forward into the great unknown ~ trusting this ever-unfolding MYSTERY.   

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Judgment Day

While working at one of North Park's metaphysical gift shops just this past spring, I was profoundly affected by one book in particular, "The Mists of Avalon."  I was curious where the name of our shop, the Lady of the Lake, came from and it was in Marion Zimmer Bradley's novel that I found my answer.  It's Arthurian legend retold from a feminist gaze and it takes place in a time when Britain's matriarchal, pagan religion, was being rinsed from the land by a Roman Christian God. 

The main protagonists are brother and sister - King Arthur and his sister, the Goddess-embodied, Morgaine, who is the Lady of the Lake.  Theirs is a tale for the ages rife with fear and loathing and filled with the consequences of non-action due to shame and guilt.  Yet, in the end, it is always the same - we die, taking with us the LOVE we never acted upon and remorseful about all of the moments when we allowed our egoic fear to rule.  More than anything, this book inspired in me a desire to not allow fear, shame or guilt stop me where matters of my heart are concerned. 

So, here we are, today, and my ears are sensitive to a magnification of sound - it senses all of the judgment that continually comes back in my direction.  Whether positive or negative, it doesn't matter - it's all the same.  It simply seems that the more permission I give myself to show up, to bee HUGE and grand as well as authentic and no longer pandering to the needs of others just so everything can bee "okay," the more my ears perceive the dissonance (as well as the harmony).  What to do?  Allow it.  It just is ~ par for course on this human ride.

It's an intriguing place to bee in for I have arrived unto a place of equanimity that I only, heretofore, have written about.  The thing is, my friends, there is no such thing as good or bad, right or wrong.  We can spend our whole lives making the "right" choices that earn us a "positive" reputation yet, still, we go to bed alone at night and we wake up to lead monotonous lives at jobs that steal our souls and suck our energy.  Or, some of us make different choices, while those who stay stuck in their rut of misery are the first to cast stones.  "Selfish!"  "Compulsive!"  "Bad, bad, bad."

Four years ago, I felt the need to dance with everyone, offering her or him my pure, unadulterated, positive energy on the dance floor.  Some people loved it, others pointed their fingers and screamed, "Fake!  Inauthentic!" "Lacking depth!"  "Child-like!"  And more.  Now, today, I no longer feel the need to offer my essence to everyone.  As I simply realized that this is no longer sustainable for me, so I don't do it.  And, I can feel the judgment as my ears blare like a radar - blah blah blah.

In the end, it doesn't matter what I do.  The judgment comes.  All the matters is how I judge myself.  These days, I no longer do so.  In fact, what I beelieve is most essential, is how I am choosing to respond in each and every moment.  The moments of late are intense and filled with the judgment of others - each person choosing for themselves how to respond in the moment.  I am doing the best I can to just let them bee, too.  I don't need to perpetuate a pattern here - you are free to judge me.  In fact, you are free to JUST BEE.  I will simply send LOVE to you, BLESS YOU, Bow and Bee on my way.  

Perhaps, secretly, I will hope that you will offer yourself the permission to bee as grand and beeutiful and intelligent and radical and pushing-of-these-excruciating-edges as you can bee.  And, maybee, someday, we will meet there. 

Monday, July 29, 2013

Dear, Black SPIDER

                                             Click Here for Shamanic Spider Medicine Link
JULY 29th, 2013
It's an auspicious, sacred day - just look at the cosmological charts.
Divine Ma is calling. 
How will you heed her call?

(This post is for KT, as well as ALL of the BEE~Utyfull reflections,
which is YOU, and you, and you and you....)  

"...Spider medicine, I kept dreaming about spiders.
And in one week I kept seeing them, in curiously intimate situations.  Changing bed linen.  A clutch of little eyes.  Doing laundry - a big one, immobile on the jeans.  And then, getting into the car after a rare night with friends in Melville.  As I turn the ignition, there it is on the inside of my windscreen. If it was Disney, I would swear the thing winked at me.  And not scurrying, mind you.  Just fixed, sitting there.  Take note.
So I google Spider medicine, thinking, "Well its all about networks and how I should be accessing my networks.  I found this, by Ted Andrews.  I love this:

"Spider reminds us that the world is woven around us.  We are the keepers and the writers of our own destiny, weaving it like a web by our thoughts, feelings and actions. The spider, because of its characteristics, has come to be associated by mystics and in mythology in three predominant expressions of magic. The first is magic and energy of creation. It is a symbol of creative power, reflected in its ability to spin a silken web. It is also associated with assertiveness of that creative force, of keeping the feminine energies of creation alive and strong."

"The second aspect relates to the shape of the web. "Are you moving toward a central goal or are you scattered and going in multiple directions?  Is everything staying focused?  Are you becoming too involved and/or self-absorbed?  Are you focusing on others' accomplishments and not on your own?"

"And then this: Spiders are the keepers of the alphabet..."considered the teacher of language and the magic of writing.  Those who weave magic with the written word probably have a spider totem.  If spider has come into your life, ask yourself some important questions.  Are you not weaving your dreams and imaginings into reality?  Are you not using your creative opportunities?  Are you feeling closed in or stuck as if in a web?  Do you need to pay attention to your balance and where you are walking in life?  Are others out of balance around you?  Do you need to write?  Are you inspired to write or draw and not following through?  Remember that spider is the keeper of knowledge of the primordial alphabet.  Spider can teach how to use the written language with power and creativity so that your words weave a web around those who would read them."

Sigh.

"And the other part I love is that the thin line that the spider casts out, treads, threads and treads again is the frail path that connects the unseen world of dreams and the unconsious with the waking world.
I love this.  This was about a month ago.  Thank you, Spiders.  I am listening."

Being a fighter, being a writer are not one and the same.  As I sit here.  I hear the traffic.  I hear the soft noises of Sanna next door.  I hear the steady churn of my head.  Ambition.  Ego censorship. Unsaid words to a friend, burning in my chest.  Release it, says self mind.  But there’s a weary wheel of what I suppose we call the grain.  The ingrained noises of historical self.  Don’t go against the grain.  Instead I sit here, heavy with the longing for sea sand and wavesound.  Rain for three days becomes part of the air’s makeup.  I write until I can find the voice that is just a quiet and observant voice.  Leave behind the propagandist, the advertiser, the polemicist.  Leave it behind as you leave a knot of clothing on the floor when you enter the pure space of loving skin on heartbeat.  Return to the heart.  Listen with writers ears.  Every day a stretch, a strum.  To get the ear in, slowly.  Then wait as stories grow and seed.  'Til rhythms creep back in.  These are the lines that lead me back to me.

I may have been a bit glib in yesterday's post.  My head crowding with the recent events in the country. Trying to piece and match words and images, trying to excuse, condemn, rescue. understand. I don't mean to paint pre-colonial Africa as one big harmonious family.  It surely wasn't.  Hospitality codes are specific to exclusive groups, like clans.  And they're necessary because groups compete for land, resources, power.  Not everyone was your friend.  When "made in Berlin" nation states fenced such opposing groups into redtape borders, the recipe for disaster was already brewing.

The geyser of hatred we've seen is a symptom of so many colliding realities.  But isn't it also an opportunity, as all conflict is?  We have to grow new ways of dealing with how we relate and migrate.  We have to reinvent.  I feel that we will be forced to be radical about boundaries, national and personalAfter the fires and the flames and the camps and the talks and the fights and the long journeys, what?
How will we relate to our neighbors, ourselves, our leaders?
Will we thread new webs?  Will we string small kindnesses together to create connections between us?  Will we tell each other silver stories and nod our heads, suddenly understanding?
How fragile they will seem, those thin sticky lines, with morning dewbeads shivering on them.(these words are somone else's)
I AM SIMPLY HERE TO RESPOND.
YES, YES and YES!
Now, here I go ~ off to weave our web.
I LOVE YOU.






















Sunday, July 28, 2013

my version (of last night, today, now, Shakespeare & yesteryear..)

clutching at these meandering moments
like pearls strewn across a tumbled lair
they drip from thy tongue
what thoughts can ever quite encapsulate
this LOVE that beats within thy chest?
You say the lover is mad,
I heartily agree, for thou art pretty,
but thou are no match for thee.
For thy love is beeyond the river of time,
it sinks like the sea and waves like a grain,
amber velvet and blond velour,
the patchwork of a maiden fare.

Thou once took thy bite, laying her down
in her grave of plenty, and each lifetime since
she has risen, only to fall.
Only to fall.
She rises,
only to fall.
Yet though she once fell, now she stands
stoic and proud,
wild and free,
daring and courageous,
armed to the teeth.
Her weapons are words
and water bottles.
She clutches at air
gasping, breathing deep,
a gentle purr, a pounce soft.
His claws retracted, he knows this drill.
It's a millennium-old routine.
Still, he sits in his home of distraction,
wishing she were there.
Yet all he ever has to do,
is turn off the tv.




“Thus I die. Thus, thus, thus.
Now I am dead,
Now I am fled,
My soul is in the sky.
Tongue, lose thy light.
Moon take thy flight.
Now die, die, die, die.”
William Shakespeare, A Midsummer Night's Dream

Saturday, July 27, 2013

blah blah blah

Dear God,

My stomach hurts.  There's a gnawing pit tearing at my innards.  "Do it now," it screams.  I have to listen, as I am also like a cat in heat - prowling back and forth, wanting to scratch my hair off.  What is it about these minds of ours that drives us so damn crazy?  I just want to bee in my body - playing, twirling, lost in abandon, innocently joyful.  Instead, I am driven to channel all of this connection that swirls around and within me and damn it!  It's hard.  And, shit, here I am once again, typing, staying in, missing the birth of new events and the death of long-time others.  I am always present in Spirit, however.  I can also hear all of the judgments that seem to be forever cast in my direction.  "She's just jealous..." and blah blah blah.  I can feel the contraction and the constriction - the scarcity that is fighting so damn hard to keep us all so damn small.  This has never been my destiny though, so on I must trudge.  C. wanted to talk with me about how unsupported I feel, yet that is all just a made up story.  The Universe supports me, it always has.  And, regardless of what is to come, at least I will know I gave it my all.  I would rather die than not try.  So, here I go.  And, there you are - wild and free, just like me.  It's an effortless arrangement.  We didn't have to "do" anything, but just show up.  JUST SHOW UP. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

(non) scare~city


I am afraid too, ya know?
Sitting here with this Song in my Heart
that just must bee sung
and I am scared.
Just like I was four summers ago.
When I needed to move out of my hOMe,
away from my dogs and my relationship.
I needed to dive into the unknown
and it was quite a process of leaning in, testing the waters,
feeling the fear in my gut, and leaning out to step back.
Then, leaning in again and putting my big toe in the frigid pool.
Only, it wasn't that cold; it was, actually, downright refreshing.
And, once I jumped, I never looked back.
Initially, leaping, taking that huge jump forward, is scary.
Yet, like I did then, I know that I can and I AM
committed to my personal legend,
to my Heroine's Journey. 
AND, I can allow myself to bee exactly where I am.
"MEOW," says the 'fraidy cat.  ; )
I AM SCARED.
Can you still LOVE me anyways?
Better yet, can I STILL LOVE ME, anyways?
YES, YES and YES!!!!!

(All the more, 
right?)

It was scary, the other day,
feeling my power brewing in my belly,
as I rose to defend and protect my hurt, inner child.
It's scary, drawing that invisible sword, and cutting
these psychic ties when they no longer serve us or our highest good.
Yet, it must bee done.
And I am harnessing this power, more and more,
because, more and more, I am releasing and shedding 
all of the scarcity that has come before.
The Universe provides.

All that I need I was born with - two legs, two hands, two eyes, two ears,
a warm, beating heart, a sharp mind, a generous Spirit.
And all else that I need I have accrued along the way -
the experiences and the adventures, the lessons and the drama,
the relationships and the connections.
All is Absolutely Perfect.
Life is in Divine Order.
Even when it doesn't adhere to my whims or desires,
and especially when it hurts or I get bitten.

It is all par for course - setting us up for the journey that is to come.
So, let's all let go of holding on to these notions of "right" and "wrong"
and "bad" and "good," and instead just honor that it all just is.
Unfolding Exactly As It Is Meant to.
Without our force and with our intention.
In a place where there is always room for more.
And nothing can ever bee taken from US.
For the true treasure lies within.
A Space of True LOVE.....


Thursday, July 25, 2013

The Way of the Warrior


“Unless someone truly has the power to say no, 
they never truly have the power to say yes”
― from  Dan Millman's The Way of the Peaceful Warrior
 
For too long, I thought saying "Yes!" with an open-armed naivete was wise but, after awhile, I simply found it to bee highly unsustainable as well as downright destructive, at times.  Practicing saying "No" - fiercely and without apology - has become another tool for my continued Self-empowerment.  "No, I will not hold your hand."  
"No, I will not invite you."
If you find yourself playing the push over too often, or allowing yourself to bee taken advantage of, then I highly recommend you practice saying your "No's" as a means of balancing.  
 
Spending ample time with children also inspires me to continue to listen to what my heart says and to respond from there, regardless of how I may or may not appear or bee perceived.  I have actually come to relish the outright "rejection and judgment" that children can dole out like good medicine.  "Don't look at me!" a two-year old recently sneered at me, when I greeted her after a few months absence.  I just laughed.  "YES!  Let me embody this level of authenticity!" I thought.
 
However, what this doesn't mean is that I project all of my own unhappiness onto others.  Bee~ing a warrior means that, along with true authenticity, One is also responsible for her words and actions.  This doesn't mean that we don't make plenty of mistakes or have our own shadows and imperfections. I certainly do.  It just means that I am willing to walk into the fire of discomfort in order to address all that doesn't serve the highest good.  
 
Yesterday, however, I was presented with a wonderful opportunity to draw my invisible blade out of its scabbard and to protect and defend my inner child from the unwarranted attack of someone I once considered a loved one.  The thing about LOVE is that, no matter what someone does or doesn't do, LOVE doesn't shame, guilt or try to make someone feel bad, put down or less than.  If you experience this in your life, then I highly recommend that you draw a curtain of "No" around you, and that you veil yourself from this life-sucking energy.  It's what I must currently do, once more.

And, again, I can do this without blame or anger, and with compassion.  This person obviously feels bad about him or herself, otherwise s/he wouldn't lash out uncontrollably at another.  As I did, I bowed down before this person, gave a kiss 'Goodbye' and said, "Bless You."  True compassion begins with ourselves.  Without it, we can't give it to anyone else. 

 
“Wake up! If you knew for certain you had a terminal illness--if you had little time left to live--you would waste precious little of it! Well, I'm telling you...you do have a terminal illness: It's called birth. You don't have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason--or you will never be at all.”
Dan Millman
 

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Gypsy in Our Souls


Sunset Cliffs and Mission Beach;
Swami's and Ocean Beach;
live music sung by some of our favorites,
as our lungs release so many years of holding-in to that churning Pacific.
It's a northern hemisphere summer to re-member.

You and I wade in a shallow, tidal pool.
"Our love has deepened," you share with me,
in regards to yours and your partner's dance.
"I simply realized that there is no need for me to lust after other women,
and that I can let go of holding on to the notion that there is something
better around the corner." 
"HALLELUJAH!" I respond.

There is hope in transformation for us all,
if this ol' dog of sixty + years can shift his gaze.
"I'll just let LIFE play out its hand," you say, finally surrendering,
as we stand in awe of the rock-carrying man who has spent one year
moving 4500 pieces of Earth from the shoreline to the terraced garden
he is creating by his own two hands right there on a southern California beach.

He too is marking the time, defining purpose for his own self -
regardless of how he is perceivedIt's easy to point a finger and call
"crazy."  It's much more difficult to go within and rediscover the authentic YOU who won't be chained, who refuses to bee stopped, who calls out for his own Soul to return, again and again.  Crazy is as crazy does.
Chasing after illusions of fame and riches, of recognition and fleeting desires,
is tempting yet empty.  It's the gilded cage of an unsustainable way in which
few win and all lose. 

Summer isn't over yet, however.  It's not too late - to stake your claim and live your honest dream.  My educated guess is that it includes one word -
L  -  O  -  V  -  E.
Your Gypsy Soul awaits.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

a reminder...

2013 ~ It's Not Over; You Still Have Time.
My mind churns
like a raucous tide
pulling me out of my heart
surging into the rationale, ebbing into reason
my belly flip flops, end over end
a gentle reminder is due.
 It's All About LOVE, Cara.

(There's nothing more.)

Submerging myself once again
into the Divine mystery,
I scroll through virtual pages of photographs
years of connection caught mid-sentence
both by my hands and others'.

I know why I am here.

The fear swirls and eddies,
it wants to debate and argue,
to put down and castrate.
Yet, my feet plod forward,
joining my Crone sisters in circle,
under that Full, Magdalene Moon.

Our hands dripping in clay,
we plaster a phallic Stonehenge,
this one made of cob, in a South Park canyon.
Our lilting voices rise, a little out of tune,
singing songs of the Goddess.
Re-membering...

We know why we are here.

At 2am, our house dog barks,
pulling me from my sleep,
wondering what all the commotion is about.
"Bee gentle," comes the reminder,
from my restless slumber.

Later, you pad down to my room,
knocking on the door, inquiring in your German accent.
"I just want to feel your energy," you say.
And we laugh and we play,
we dance and we sing,
and I re-member.




Monday, July 22, 2013

Magical Day 7/22 ~ FULL MOON & Mary Magdalene LOVE

FULL MOON RISING
2:15pm TODAY

I am sitting here in my beeloved Tree house, grateful and awed.
Last summer, I was still a little too dazed and confused to understand
that all of the over-the-top synchronicity in my life was simply par for course
on this MAGIC, carpet ride.  Now, I simply smile wide and marvel at life's beeuty,
especially when all of the signs and the markers blink on and off, off and on, daily.

This morning, I had a dream - laying in your bed after you cruised off to work for a few hours -
that you took me to Chicago.  I recall looking at you and asking, "How did we get here?" and you just smiled while standing next to your motorcycle and held up a canister.  "It's MAGIC," you said.  Then, you shape-shifted into my ex and it was passionate and loving and I just surrendered to it.  Hmmm, interesting...

The funniest thing of all is that there is truth to this 'propinquity' thing - just ask my neighbor.  However, the real truth is that we have to LET GO of who we think we can LOVE or want to LOVE and just let NATURE take its course.  The Universe is in charge here - not US.  YES, some degree of ACTion is required.  But, perhaps, it is in the setting of intention, the praying to bee of service to the greater good (of all) and the stripping away of all of our own layers of misconception and memory, of nostalgia and paralysis.

Maybee...

Regardless ~

IT'S A MAGICAL DAY!!!!!! 
WORK WITH IT...

July 22: Full Moon is at 12:16 PM Mountain Daylight Time. This is a time to honor the fullness of your life and to practice seeing magic in all things. Any practice that gives you the experience of expansion is helpful. This is the time to anchor what you have received as an opportunity this month. If there is anything in your life you are still ambivalent about, this would be the time to either commit to it or to let go. A committed decision of "no" is just as powerful as a committed decision of "yes". by Lena Stevens

Full Moon
Sun in Leo - Moon in Aquarius 0 Âº
Monday, July 22, 2013 12:15 PM MDT (6:15 PM Greenwich Mean Time, GMT)

As the powerful Sun steps into its own sign of Leo Monday morning, we have Full Moon within hours at the very earliest degree of Leo/Aquarius. Leo holds our radiant core self, our divine essence that shines from our heart as we give over to joyful self expression, at our best when improvising in a dramatic, colorful way. Our inner Leo loves to be seen and applauded. Aquarius, on the other hand, moves us into the mental objectivity of an air sign, where we become compelled by higher ideals of equality, freedom and cooperating for the good of all. The needs of the collective take on more importance than personal, individual expression. Being true to our authentic self takes precedent over fitting in, so the inner rebel or outsider is often spawned.

At Full Moon the Grand Trine in Water signs is still operative just past its peak on July 17-19 with Mars now in early Cancer adding just the thrust of action needed to manifest in the right place, at the right time with everything we need. Really focus when things are working out just as you had hoped – even in the smallest way – despite some unexpected challenges. Pluto and Uranus continue in their (endless) square relationship adding underlying tension to the aspects of our lives that embody the ease, sweetness and flow of the Grand Trine in the feminine signs of Cancer (Jupiter and Mars), Scorpio (Saturn) and Pisces (Neptune).

Mars is showing his kinder, warrior nature as he travels with Jupiter and mingles with the water nymphs in the Grand Trine, but he just can't resist stirring up a little conflict the last days of July as he forms a volatile T-square opposing Pluto and squaring Uranus. This is a recipe for tension and conflict especially focused on the rigid collective structures not responsive to the people's needs. Also Mars is considered 'out of bounds' – a technical term, but connoting intensified, wild unpredictable behavior lasting all of July. The BIG demonstrations we are witnessing for collective issues – Egypt, Turkey, Trayvon Martin, etc. are supported by Mars being just outside of the influence of the plane the planets usually travel at this time.

Pallas Athena, who rules our mental, creative artistic mind, and Venus, ruling beauty, art and sensuality are working together. We are looking to balance our outer world accomplishments with our inner feminine knowingness that connects us all with the great mysteries of life. We are learning to bring our artistic self out into the world for full expression. Both are in a stressful relationship with the Full Aquarian Moon creating a Finger of God formation. Adjustments will be necessary. Is it intimacy vs. creative expression? Can you bring a balance into your inner and outer worlds? Step over doubt and use your deep pool of intuition to access your source of sexual/creative energies and rejoice in their full expression.

Quirky, but true: Because we have Full Moon at 0º 06" Aquarius, we get a second Full Moon in Aquarius on August 20 in the last few degrees of that sign (28º).

But the chart I am personally looking forward to occurs on July 29th. It's a highly exceptional chart of sacred geometry forming a Grand Sextile. THAT IS RARE!!!!! It is formed by a planet in every other sign all around the zodiac, and here, they are in all three Earth signs and all three Water signs, which makes it in the feminine polarity. It's not a long lasting influence/chart because one of the Earth signs is formed by the rapidly moving Moon, but while the Moon in Taurus moves from 4º-9º from early morning to early evening, it will be completing the final point of this Grand Sextile or six-pointed star. It seems the heavens are aligning in a rare portal. In addition, that six-pointed star consists of Two Grand Trines (both Kites) – one in water signs, one in earth signs, and two Mystic Rectangles (a surprisingly practical formation). Only the Sun in Leo and Uranus in Aries are not part of the formation, and they throw down with some much needed tension and dynamism added to the pot. The Sun forms a wide Finger of God to Pluto and Neptune and squares the North and South Nodes – so you know some evolution and adaptation will be taking place. Uranus forms a T-Square with Pluto and Mars-Jupiter. These last two arrangements will help us identify and excavate the barriers to our participation in the ease and opportunities of the feminine collective energies offered us now through the Grand Trine.
Who knows how it will manifest? But focusing your intentions, meditating on what you want to bring into manifestation, holding the highest consciousness of the feminine archetype and dreaming a beautiful dream of how you want the world to be would be 'right use' of a configuration of this magnitude. Eliminate the resistance and fear of change and old models of scarcity and powerlessness that exist inside you, thus defusing these energies out in the world. Give your top priority to using this day of supreme perfection for creating something beautiful, healing and inclusive with the support of the quantum field and the planets.
Mercury turns direct on July 20th and as it slowly gains momentum and retraces the territory it has revisited in Cancer, the sign of tribe, family, ancestors, foundations and home, we can assimilate the memories, dreams and reflections that have come to us during the last three weeks.
As July turns to August, we celebrate the midpoint between summer and autumn. Lammas, the celebration of this cross quarter day, honors the first harvest of grain – the entering of the Sun energy into the seed that nourishes the people and can be replanted in spring to welcome the Sun anew. Use this time for honoring and blessing the natural cycles of life and the miracle of harvest.
For you night owls, two meteor showers peak on the night of July 30 after midnight – Capricornid (look east-south-east) and Delta Aquarids (look overhead). Not the most powerful meteor showers, but maybe together that can make a showing. But the big summer meteor event is always the Perseids active August 11-14 and peaking on August 12th with 60-80 meteors an hour. Don't miss that one!
by Patricia Liles

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Complete Contradiction (C.C.)

In the bat of an eyelash,
it all changes.
And this is good, as I keep
releasing all of my own (mis)conceptions about myself
and "who" I think I am.

"Actually, I have a Sunday practice," I said, after you invited me to experience yours.
Thankfully, you were a little drunk and forgot.
Because today my heart was saying, "Don't rush off to do what you always do,
Cara.  That's the path of safety. (And, rigidity.)"
Explore.
Cast new nets.
Uncover a new you.
"A She who only comes by trying something new on.
And when you completely contradict yourself."
Completely contradict yourself,
over and over again.
You'll bee glad you did.

And you'll just look at your loved Ones,
shrug your shoulders and say,
"You're right, I did say that.
I SIMPLY CHANGED MY MIND."
Again and again and again...

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Wanna Get Laid? - JUST BEE Urself

It's intriguing to investigate life just a little deeper...
you never know what you are going to find.
(It's exciting.  I find curiosity always pays off.
The key is, though, to investigate just a wee bit at a time.  It's more gentle this way.)

Like this here Blog, I love to look and see where the hits to it are coming from.
One of my personal favorites is from a place called "vampirestat."  I don't know what it
is, or how my blog got there, but I have learned to love vampires and accept they're here on Earth.  So, welcome!

Just this morning, I also discovered the "Tao of Badass."  When I followed its link, I found a
cute, little, internet marketing, stick-figure narrated video selling one man's "How to" for
bedding "attractive, young, HOT" women.  Hmmmm... okay.  Welcome.

Of course I watched and heard most of the long, advertising campaign for this reformed nerd's books, words and media and I was pleasantly pleased to find my hard core feminist relatively quiet and allowing.  Men wanting to get laid by "HOT" women just is.  I can let them bee (kinda like them vampires.  ; )

I am no longer resisting or refuting 'what is,' instead what I am doing is offering my own solutions.
Guys, you want to get laid?
It's simple.
JUST BEE YOUR SELF.  Now, I am not talking about a whiny little boy who chases temptation or an angry man who hides his fears behind addictions (work, food, substances, sports, etc).  I am not talking about a forceful manipulator who views others as objects for his taking.  I am not even speaking to the rigid robot caught in his mind who thinks by creating more systems and processes, psychologies and NLP's, that he will finally free himself.

Nor I am addressing the confused man-child who doesn't know his purpose or has simply forgotten to define for himself what LIFE is truly all about.  Rather, I am talking to a courageous warrior who confidently strikes out for his purpose, day after day.  Maybee, he's still a little unclear as to what that exactly is but he sure as hell knows that it is not what the media sells him, day after day.  Guys, JUST BEE WHERE YOU ARE.  Don't pretend with your memorization of "How to's," like looking at her lips, not facing your chest directly towards her, or knowing what the word 'propinquity' means, that you are someone else, somewhere else or something other than who you are - just another dude who wants a relating-ship of some kind.

Perhaps it's just a wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, one-night stand - which is fine.  (Honestly.  I want these too.  Nothing more.  Just this.  Thank you.  You shall bee on your way...)  Or, maybee, you just want a short term exploration.  And, I know that some of you seek long-term love.  Whatever your ultimate intention is all your lack of transparency about it does is to create more confusion and suffering down the road.  Is that really what you want?  I didn't think so, because I know that I am speaking to the gentle nurturer who is willing to wade into the discomfort of honest communication without giving his power away.  Even as I am also speaking to the fierce protector who knows that all women are his daughters and that he would die to defend and honor them. 

Okay, okay, I can see you pointing your finger at me and saying, "But you're not getting laid right now, Cara."  YES, AND it's a choice.  Bee-ing of the female persuasion means a number of things: 1.) My sexual appetite is bigger than yours.  2.)  I will deeply LOVE my partner.  3.)  If I am not clearly on my Life path, sex can be a helper and it can bee a distraction.  4.)  Sex is life force energy - it's a potent, life-changing act.  Personally, I have developed the inner craft of channeling my sexual energy up my spine and out my head.  (This is called 'Kundalini' and it is a thousands-year old science.  It is also called 'Tantra.')  Right now, I am choosing to channel my energy and use it as a transformative force in my life.  You can do the same.

It's easy - channel your energy.  Direct it where you want it to go.  A song?  A poem?  A tennis match?  A business?  Whatever.  My educated guess is that your practicing this will add infinitely to your overall sex life - not so much quantity-wise (but, as I've said for years, I'd rather have sex with myself than bad sex with someone else, or even "okay" sex with someone who is just bahhhh), but in a qualitative sense.  I won't tell you how.  Rather, I encourage you to try it for yourself and find out.

Guys, quit trying to "outsmart" us women by bee-ing so damn trapped in your two heads that you can't really use the One that we women LOVE sooooooo much.  Do you want to experience hours, days, and years of pleasure and freedom in the bedroom?  (Or, in the outdoors....  ; )

Wisdom lay in our bodies.  Your best bet is to drop into yours.  Yes, here you will feel pain but it hurts so good because IT IS LIFE LIVED ON PLANET EARTH.  It's JUICY.  Dive in and play.  Get dirty and look the fool.  Sing out of tune and cry your eyes out.  Pound your fists at the sky and open your pelvis.  The sex your little mind fantasizes about is the on-going act of making LOVE to every moment.  JUST DO IT. 

Friday, July 19, 2013

A ROYAL BABY IS DUE


It’s no “coincidence” that a northern prince and his duchess are in labor right now, too.  Only, this wild child wasn’t born into nobility nor was she privileged with having wealthy parents who could send her to the same college an elite son chose, only to walk down a runway and right into his arms.  Rather, this woman has had to come through hell and high water, she’s had to endure the slaughter and re-create the true matter in order to arrive here, now.  And she’s still scraping by with her teeth, courageously holding on, physically exhausted yet mentally acute, happy and grateful for it all.  Her Soul gave birth to her Spirit long ago. 
What remains is the task of riding out the strong currents, her ship’s mast still tossed to and fro, only now that expanse in the distance on the fast-approaching horizon – a land she has firmly spent decades dreaming of – is coming into clearer view.  The light at the end of the tunnel, the crossroads at the middle, the safer shore that she has been sailing to, now nearly re-discovered - merely by hitching her Heart to that Northern Star, and Go, go, going, gone, gone, GONE. 

The pain and the sadness, the destruction and the dis-ease, receding and setting on the past.  A new sun sits perched, ready to rise.  From the ashes, the feathered serpent crawls.  Wearing red, she twirls on the embers, dancing in the flames.  Wizened by the burning, softened by the heat.  The smoke lifts, spelling out one common word.  LOVE.  The transformative fires are licking their dragon breaths.  Bee ready.

Thursday, July 18, 2013

On Bee-ing an Outcast

"If you have attempted to fit whatever mold and failed to do so, you are probably lucky.  You may be an exile of some sort, but you have sheltered your Soul.  There is an odd phenomenon that happens when one keeps trying to fit and fails.  Even though the outcast is driven away, she is at the same time driven right into the arms of her psychic and true kin, whether these be a course of study, an art form, or a group of people.  It is worse to stay where one does not belong at all than to wander about lost for a while and looking for the psychic and soulful kinship one requires.  It is never a mistake to search for what one requires.  Never.

There is something useful in all this torque and tension.  Something in the (Ugly) duckling is being tempered, being made strong by exile.  While this situation is not one we would wish on anyone for any reason, its effect is similar to pure natural carbon under pressure producing diamonds - it leads eventually to a profound magnitude and clarity of psyche.

There is an aspect of alchemy, wherein the base substance of lead is pounded about and beaten down.  While exile is not a thing to desire for the fun of it, there is an unexpected gain from it; the gifts of exile are many.  It takes out weakness by the pounding.  It removes whininess, enables acute insight, heightens intuition, grants the power of keen observation and perspective that the "insider" can never achieve.

Even though there are negative aspects to it, the wild psyche can endure exile.  It makes us yearn that much more to free our own true nature and causes us to long for a culture that goes with it.  Even this yearning, this longing makes a person go on.  It makes a woman go on looking, and if she cannot find the culture that encourages her, then she usually decides to construct it herself.  And that is good, for if she builds it, others who have been looking for a long time will mysteriously arrive one day enthusiastically proclaiming that they have been looking for this all along."

---from "Exile as Boon - Finding One's Pack, Belonging as Blessing," in Clarissa Pinkola Estes' Women Who Run with the Wolves

xooxoxoxo...
BUILD IT & THEY SHALL COME, MY FRIENDS. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

w-------i------d--------e OPEN

All of this movement,
all of this play,
(all of the writing, the dancing, the crashing into the ocean waves,
lungs bleating out, full force, a cacophony of sound that just must bee released!)
is me simply screaming at myself.

"WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I am crying.
I am jumping, up and down.
I am begging.

"Wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up!"

'Cuz it's been a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng
slumber.

There's a portal
w        i            d              e
--------OPEN-----------
the magic flows in and out.
It beckons.

Dancing along a Swami's shore,
an orange sun setting, shimmering across the Pacific,
she sits cross-legged in meditation, palms touching at her heart,
while I leap and twirl, kick and prance.

Waiting for that Green Flash,
one WISH falls from my tongue.
"LOVE."

(It's the beginning point of any tennis match.)


from thepowerpath.com

July 16-22: So many beautiful and grand opportunities have come into your life by now that this is the time to rely on discipline to keep everything focused in a good way. Some of you may question the beautiful and grand part as perhaps your opportunities are for much needed growth and breakthrough. This growth and breakthrough may be coming with more difficult experiences of letting go or the growing pains of major change.

Whatever your experience, it is all a bid for power and should be seen as positive. Remember that part of the discipline of this month is to stay away from negative judgments and thinking. The opportunities are really huge and provide a great possibility for ending up in an entirely different and better place in your life.

They Got it Backwards


 It’s not true. 
What the story tellers have been telling us
(for generations now).  

Yo Freud ~ It’s ‘Vagina Envy’ that the Penis has.
Hey Disney ~ The real Sleeping Beauty is the KING.
And, even you, Ms. E.L. James ~ “50 Shades of Grey” is the color a man secretly hopes to bee painted by the leather strap held between the teeth of his woman! 
They want us to beat the devil out of them!

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

JERSEY BIRD: (Metaphor in Motion)


 Paying keen attention to our large, brown hen, I notice that she has taken to sitting on her unfertilized eggs in sadly mistaken hope that they will soon one day hatch.  She’s a scrapper this one, for in order to pry her off of her eggs and prod her on with her day, I have to don a stick as I push her from behind, on out of her milk crate nest.   
The other day, I noticed how, when she is strutting her tail feathers around our South Park canyon, pecking at the feed on the ground and sipping water, she can also behave like a bully towards our other four chickens.  “Watch out for her!” I recently told my housemates.
My roommate, well versed in urban agriculture, responded by sharing that the nature of her breed, that of a Jersey bird, is to be aggressive.  “Hmmm,” I replied, “it’s funny how my mother is a Jersey bird, too.”  ; )
“Well, what should we do?” I inquired, looking up at the balcony where my roommate and visiting guest were perched.  “Should we sacrifice her and take her meat as sustenance?” I innocently asked. 
 We discussed the healthiness of her tissue and muscle.   
“Would her “negative” energy bee in the meat?” we openly questioned.   
“No,” we decided - for she isn’t a “bad” bird.   
Rather, she is simply playing the part that she was born to play.  
 “Is it natural for one of the chickens to play the role of the rooster in a rooster’s absence?” I then asked. 
“I’ve seen her with the dogs,” a housemate said.  “She is protective and fierce.”  
 “Ohhhh,” we all collectively sighed, taking in this new information.   
“So, we need her to help defend the brood from natural predators, then?” I asked more as a statement than a question.
Case closed.
We all are born to divinely play our roles perfectly – this goes for the Bullies, as well as the neglectful parents.  Whatever you do, whoever you are, know this - YOU ARE PERFECT EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.

in~congruence

"California is a paradise to live in, or to see.
But beelieve it or not, you won't find it so hot,
if you ain't got that Do, Re, Mi..."

One post, and 80+ hits later from 10 different countries....
I am referring to yesterday's blogpost - perhaps, I was following up with my daring act at Dance Church the day before, when I courageously bared my mid-rift.  It's hilarious, right?  That I have these edges... Yet, it's not about shame, or guilt.  My body is amazing!  I taught myself to think this early in my 20s when I had padded myself withing the protective armor of a few layers of fat.  Back then, I'd feel less than my counterpart sisters who still retained their post-pubescent like forms.  Still, I'd get up and out there and I would DANCE my face off.  So, I told myself that it wasn't about the shape of the boat, it was about the motion of the ocean.  Ye~uh!

Honestly, though, it's only been very recently that I have come to fully accept ME and to shed all these layers of heaviness.  So, I do not like to expose my body (unless I am at the beach where it is natural to run around in a bikini, or at a hot springs where it is natural to bee naked) because I have a fear of objectification - of myself by me, of myself by others, of my objectifying others, etc.  To avoid this tricky terrain, I don't unveil myself, or allow myself to unveil others, often.  Yet, it just seems that I must keep peeling away all these layers. 

Case in point: I was strolling back from the park yesterday morning when I caught the eye of two men who eyeballed my like prey.  Slowly cruising their old jalopy by, leaning out the window, saying "Hello" and expecting nicety in return.  "HELL NO!" I had my silver-bullet, coffee mug gripped in my right hand like a weapon.  The days of niceness are over, my friends!  As I so willingly tell my sistars these days that, without shame or guilt, I will breathe my breath of fire upon thee if thou dare objectify!

It's an edge, alright. 

I awoke this morning fresh from a theme that has plagued my dreams for years now.  It's the tale of my running late for a plane, being grounded, never taking off, anxiously searching for my luggage and then crying about my missed departure.  When I lived in the Hive, this dream was a common occurrence that left me emotionally eviscerated both within it and when I awoke.  I couldn't fly. 

Today, although I was disappointed that I had missed my plane (either to or from an exotic location), I responded much more maturely.  I was accepting of my pain and sadness as I remained with my mother and as I watched amazing dancers - my crew!- dance under trees in parks.  My anger only flared when a sister from waking time made a cameo appearance.  She was bee~ing cajoled by another friend to tell me who she was currently dating.  "What's his last name?" I kept asking, as my emotion grew.  She was hiding her face, even though it was quite obvious as to who "he" was.

So, what do "YOU" represent to my Superego?  
Because it is obviously more than this simple play of light and dark, masculine and feminine, black and white.  It's worth exploring...


Monday, July 15, 2013

SUMMER OF LOVE

(Preface: Photo above is four years old.  Today, I am a little curvier.  This is not false advertising, rather it is story telling.  I am still sporting the same bikini, however it will bee retired come the end of this season.  Back then, my Spirit was hurting - I had just moved out of a co-dependent and abusive relationship and I also had just completed another soul crushing experiment known as grad school.  While at Swami's then, all I could do was to quietly sit and gaze out at the horizon.  Now, I am happily more weighted and grounded, rooted and clear.  Also, sharing the above pushes my edges to not care what anyone thinks.  All I know is that if it gets you to read what follows....)


It's July 15th, and for those of us residing in the northern hemisphere, we find ourselves at a half way point - caught up in the full throes of the Summer of LOVE, 2013.  Yesterday, on the way to Dance Church, O. and I were speaking into how profoundly healing for our Souls all of the time spent bee-ing held in the great womb of the Earth has been.  At Swami's yesterday, a group of fifteen of us - children and adults alike - swam, dove, screamed, cheered, caught big waves, duck dove under other big waves and more, together just off the shore in Encinitas.  When a few of my peers commented that it was their first time in the water in awhile, I cajoled them to commit to spending the rest of their summer daze in the ocean.  "Let's heal, friends!"

During an extremely uptempo and heart-acceleratin' session of Dance Church, during which DJ God was at the sound system, we found ourselves shriekin' and calling, whistlin' and hootin', cryin' and hallelujah'ing - "Lord, have mercy!" ; )  I gazed around the studio, at our collective space and at the faces that remain, for the extraneous fluff has fallen off - those who participate only to stroke their own egos or to take from the experience rather than GIVE to it are not currently present.  Instead, it is the US who have been at this for years - rubbing up against one anothers' edges, smoothing our individual surfaces in the process and honoring that our biggest work in this lifetime now is showing up, week after week and moment after moment.  Committing and present to our very simple and extremely flawed humanity.  

There's no fame or fortune here, no glamour or haughtiness.  There is only this - bee-ing in our bodies, warm hearts ferociously on fire, silent mouths gasping for breath, expressive loins answering our Souls' calls for greater expression in our world, now.  Now.  Not tomorrow, not when we're rich, not when we've saved the planet and everyone is following in line.  NOW NOW NOW.  In your body, out of your mind.  In your heart, out of the fear.  In your lungs, out of the morbidity.  In your gut, out of the complacency.  NOW.

Some of "US" at Eveoke years ago - bad news has it that this amazing non-profit is losing its phenomenal studio space at the end of this summer.  This makes us all very sad....
 


Sunday, July 14, 2013

the teeter totter of BALANCE

 "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."  
--Isaac Newton

What a weekend!  What a time.  What a life!
There is so much movement
swirling...

Here in San Diego, we had the LGBT community out in full force, celebrating PRIDE.
Personally, I LOVE people bee-ing OUT, period.
On Friday night, I was surrounded by a few of my closest tribe members, as we walked along a University Avenue, taking in all of the extravagant people watching, dancing to live bands on the sidewalk, and just generally bee-ing happy that business was booming for our local shops and restaurants.   

After yesterday's 1.5 mile parade, of which 200, 000 people were expected to attend, festival attendees were offered an opportunity to get married as wanton celebration of the overturning of California's Prop 8.  More and more, the legalization of gay marriage has become a common ocurrence, happening from state to state across the nation. 

Meanwhile, on the same day, racial inequities once again flared their ugly head, as the Florida murder of an unarmed teenage boy by an armed security guard was ruled as anything but guilty.  My Facebook news feed is currently littered with the balance of the intoxication of LIFE tempered by red-hot cries for justice.  There are also reports of a woman's right to choose being, once again, pried from her own, two hands, in Texas and, perhaps, elsewhere.  We take twelve steps forward, and twelve steps back - or, so it seems.

Regionally, there is also scandal brewing around the city of San Diego's current mayor and his complete lack of ethics and integrity.  "OUT!" we the people are crying. "ENOUGH!"  "Basta." So, it's an exciting time ~ to say the least.  And, it is easy to notice how easily one could beecome swept with the tide, rollicking and rolling from one high to another, pitching with the boat, being pulled in opposing directions.  It's really quite a natural act - in fact, it is Newton's Third Law of Motion.

With my radical feminism, I openly beelieve that pushing hard in the direction of GOD AS WOMAN, Female Power and Feminine Divinity is an important peace of equalizing the scales.  However, in a Facebook post of not too long ago, someone actively challenged me to look at the perspective that, maybee, we can just find center.  Maybee, we don't have to rock and roll, pitch and heave, bob and weave, our way back.  Perhaps, we are here, now.

I SURE AM.

For I am focused on my VISION and on my beelief that - perhaps instead of marching, instead of chanting and resisting, raising our fists and revolting - we can just open our hearts a little wider and SHIFT OUR VALUES.  Away from a violence as entertainment indoctrination; away from an other as object and materials as value; away from acute selfishness and in towards extreme, self-focused spirituality in which your life is the greatest tale ever told.

What choices do you make in every moment then?  

MOMENT BY MOMENT BY MOMENT
by moment by moment by moment... 

Is all there ever is.

P.S. Perhaps, then, our goal is to bee like the axis in the image of the scale above - eternally weighing the intersection points of light and dark, masculine and feminine, good and bad, black and white, etc.  

p.s.s. I am not too stoked on the image above - it doesn't quite capture the essence of what I am expressing here.  I am, however, excited about where I found the image from: here -
http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://ih.constantcontact.com/fs051/1102615819090/img/71.jpg%3Fa%3D1111097855745&imgrefurl=http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Shamanic-Egyptian-Astrology-Newsletter.html%3Fsoid%3D1102615819090%26aid%3DaQ6tT-LOOTU&usg=__9Iy8R5JZh4Yh4bRY84f99oqvk_k=&h=939&w=800&sz=190&hl=en&start=1&sig2=l-D20Nm3VHcMz5HiGNZGfA&zoom=1&tbnid=5nSCJaAU4IslzM:&tbnh=148&tbnw=126&ei=ecXiUcXbBOisiAKV7oG4Cw&itbs=1&sa=X&ved=0CCwQrQMwAA

Friday, July 12, 2013

With Our Souls Ablaze We Came to Conquer

Click for Wolf Medicine Reading http://www.birdclan.org/wolf.html

There is much that I want to relay to you....

Even if we never look into each others' eyes in person, you are as real for me as the two, black and brown chickens, sitting watch and standing guard at the fence door of their spacious coop, right down the wooden steps from where I now sit perched, typing this while surrounded by cool, tree canopy.

Another FIRE has burned through 7,000 acres of San Diego forest.  It started last Saturday and, as of yesterday, it was 70% contained.  The casualties - of structures, native flora & wild animals - included the loss of an 80+year-old Shriner's Lodge, architecture that meant something to my Free Mason housemate who has been with the fraternal order for some time now.   I lacked compassion and empathy for his loss because I LOVE the transformative flames - all must burn, so that it may bee re-born.  The Life-Death-Life cycle is an inherent part and process of life on planet Earth.   No thing may avoid it.  In fact, it serves us all - to die - over and over again.   And, literally, the San Diego fires of the past decade have served as the catalyst for my awakening - all of the incineration and regeneration have been the necessary reflection for deepening into my spirituality.

The strongest of our five chickens has now also taken to brooding.  I had to move her milk crate from the coop to the ground and use a stick to pry her off of two eggs in order to get her moving into this new day.  This morning, however, I wonder if these brilliant creatures are simply mirroring me.  I am a serious brooder - I can sit and sit on my eggs, neglecting myself in the process by not showing up to receive my blessings (of food, resources, money, etc.)  Of course, this is all metaphor - for I am super great at celebrating and reveling in the party of the present moment.  Just as this month's Power Path calendar stated, it's about DISCIPLINE ~ how I am harnessing my creative passion by channeling it into a regenerative exchange as well as how I am offering myself the same LOVE that I give to the chickens as well as to others and the world around me.  It's about bee-ing my own parent.

In the last few days, I have eagerly taken to my newest bed mate - a woman this time, Clarissa Pinkola Estes and her Women Who Run with the Wolves.  It's not my first dance with her or her writing, however my appetite this time around is voracious.  Her imagery, story and analysand has got me wielding my broom with gusto and flying off to the unseen.  Perhaps, I will meet you there.

After three days of non-restful nights over the course of the past week, yesterday was catch-up.  Finally.  Thank God.   Today, I awoke fresh from a dream in which there was a small string tied around a skin follicle in my nose.  It was highly uncomfortable and I just wanted it out.  Yet, I was hemming and hawing with the scissors in my hand.  Then, "you" strode through the door and I was so grateful to see the father-figure that you represent.   I ran up to you, elated, and begging for your help.   I knew my relief was imminent.

DreamTime and Waking Time brews in this warm container known as ME.  Lately, I have also been feeling "triggered" by my roommate and her response to how all of my brooding negatively affects her.  Yet, how can I blame her?  Instead, I am finally down on my knees and grateful that she is in my life - because she's right. ; )   All I did yesterday was walk out my front door to await the arrival of my Tantric Ballroom playmates and my neighbor heaped a pile of gifts - straight from his garden - into my arms.  (Granted, him seeing me in heels a few weeks back was inspired impetus.) ; )

I have always been WILD.   It is my nature, my blood, my very essence.  I grew up playing in these San Diego coastal desert hills - in the "Skull" (Calavera) where I was bitten by a Rattlesnake just last year.  And I have always run with the Wolves - my psychic, best friend saw my loyal, white wolf at my side.  Like Dianna, Artemis and all those who have come before, I do not tread alone - a four-footed is always at my heels.  I sensed this as a girl, but I didn't understand then what I know now.

For a long time, "fitting in" and coalescing all of this swirling energy has not been my forte, yet this NOW screams that I do exactly this. "BALANCE, Luv," is what I imagine "you" saying.  A "you" who represents fierce, masculine sexiness to me.   Contrary to my belief, however, "you" are not outside of me.  You are here, now.