GENEROSITY

2013 is almost said and done. 
In the past, I once enjoyed reflecting on the year just had while also filling up my Soul cup up with all that I felt I had 'accomplished' within the 365 day, solar year.  Today, I find my Soul cup so filled that, with each passing moment, I sink more and more into simply beeing here, now ~ 
PRESENT.  
The greatest gift.

What's to come in 2014 & beeyond is a MYSTERY and I sure hope that you will allow yourself to plan less and play more, to bee less methodical in your approach to life and, instead, more organic and improvisatory.   However, one key ingredient that I feel in my bones the coming times calls for is GENEROSITY.

Do you really want to make your dreams come true?  
If so, GIVE.  

GIVE free entry to your events to a handful of friendly volunteers, beecuase it will attract more people.
GIVE free advice and help to an obvious seeker lost on his path but trying so damn hard to find his route, beecuase it will earn you his respect.
GIVE LOVE BEECAUSE, in the end, IT'S WHAT YOUR HEART SINGS FOR MOST.

GIVE GIVE GIVE.

And, do it beecause you are WISE and beecause you know that in giving you shall receive. 
Bee so selfish that you put others' needs on equal footing as your own beecause this is what you want.  And, when you are not receiving what you want, ask and teach others how to give to you what you need.  

GIVE GIVE GIVE
and I will see you next year.

the last day of (Gregorian) 2013

http://angelicshamanministry.com/tag/wolf-medicine/

Whew ~ what a year! 
And, what a time this now is.
I'm sitting here in bed, in the early morning hours of a New Year's Eve, naked while typing this,
as my man sits beeside me, naked and typing out his feelings about how his fellow Brothers need to "Man Up" by beecoming emotionally fluent and accepting that beeing vulnerable is about beeing transparent and honest.
Whew!  Thank God I finally "Woman'ed Up!"  ;)

Recently, we were out to dinner with a group of long-standing community members when One of them exclaimed how his past perception of me was, "Cara doesn't need a man."  And, I'm like ~
"OF COURSE I NEED A MAN."  I need a man like a fish needs water.

Perhaps, my writing comes across as unfairly directed at men in regards to how much waking up the collective male psyche needs to, and must, do.  But, one thing you must understand, is that us sisters have spent decades now stepping forward, acknowledging our systemic oppression and then re-claiming our whole Selves by gathering together in sisterhood for the soul purpose of our healing.  Men, you must acknowledge how patriarchy has oppressed you, too - silenced your voices; cut off your balls; emasculated and victimized you; disconnected you from your intuition, your feelings, your sensing bodies, and, even, healthy, vibrant sex lives (pornography is not sex!); as well as brainwashed you into beelieving that anything other than gentle harmony is innate and natural to our human species.

Guess what?  
You can have lots of great, daily sex with a real human beeing who wants to make passionate love to you.  No force needed. 

However, I am not just here to call our men out, I am also here to support and love them.  To encourage them to strive for their Highest Selves, to LOVE them and inspire them with my soft femininity as well as exciting invitation. 

And,  I am also here to seek truth at all costs, even if it makes me 'unpopular' or a perceived 'threat' to any and all "establishments," or others.  As well, I equally aim to hold my sisters (and myself) accountable.  

Men, I will give you this ~ if, in getting to know any adult woman, she uses a baby voice to greet you or connect with you, RUN run RUN in the other direction.  Beecause, thus far, my experience has been that this is a tool of manipulation meant to draw you into a perceived safe space when, in actuality, it is more than likely a facade that hides a cold, hard woman beehind it.  


Trust Your Gut.  Follow Truth.  
(Even when it's uncomfortable.)

Yep.  We've all got boat loads of work to do.   
Here's to sowing the seeds for us all collectively doing this work ~ the most important of all ~ on this New Moon of 2014. 

 

 

Still Crazy After All These Years

One of the feelings that has been quite prominent for me this holy-day season has been about how we, as a human race, are in the midst of a great dying off.  Here in America, we primarily see it in  the scourge of cancer.  Recently, there was a popular photo series that went viral of a man recreating his wedding photos from only a few years ago with a then vibrant and beautiful wife who had since succumbed to cancer.  This time around, however, their three-year-old daughter had beecome mommy's stand in.

There was also a 'Make a Wish' Radio Program in which a woman who had passed away two years ago from cancer had, before her death, written a letter and asked a friend to hold onto it and only mail it when her husband, as well as father of four boys, had moved on with this life, and into the arms of a new woman.  In her last wish, she lovingly asked that this new woman bee pampered and that the family bee gifted a Disney vacation.  There wasn't a dry eye to bee found during the predominantly male radio segment when this final wish by a now, long dead woman was granted.

Even closer to home was the loss of a college classmate's wife to breast cancer.  Their Facebook photos show a happy life together in which she is radiant and glowing ~ an image of youth and health.  Now, their young child is also left without their birth mother.   And I am left wondering when this madness will come to a halt.  

The thing is LIFE IS THE BIGGEST RISK WE CAN EVER TAKE.  We are each born with a death sentence and it's called LIFE.  The task remains, then, how you choose to live it.  

Last night, we did what we are called to do together ~ create relaxation for ourselves right here at home by sitting in the hot tub under Jupiter, looking up in wonder and awe, then gazing at each other in love and amusement.  We pull each other close, taking turns offering one another an impromptu Watsu healing, then I request that we bathe in the cold pool too, so you pick me up, carry me to the pool and gently submerge our lower, over-heated bodies into the frigid water.  Sufficiently relaxed, we emerge with water dripping down our bodies as we sway and dance to Paul Simon's tune, "Still Crazy After All These Years" ~ holding each other tight in the center of an Encinitas apartment complex.  I am feeling vulnerable and exposed, yet you encourage the turning on of ecstasy and orgasm for others who may bee watching, so I just melt into your arms and you just hold me.

Later, we sink into deep sleep, relishing the feel of our naked skin making contact off and on throughout the night.  I awoke the other day with the thought about how we, as human beeings, are not meant, or designed, to bee alone.  THIS IS IT.  This morning, I ask you what you think Paul means in his lyrics.  "To not Engage in Life is Crazy," you say.  "Right," I quickly respond.  "And, to engage is CRAZY," you continue, "it's the greatest paradox of all."

http://wyldestonecottage.blogspot.com/p/what-is-shaman.html

Christmas Day 2013

Christmas Day 2013,
how do you mark the time?

It's the one day in America when consumerism and busy-ness
is left by the wayside, and quality time spent present
with our Loved Ones is the value.
Phew ~ feels like hOMe to me.

One whole day.
How do you spend it?

This time of year always has me in a reflective mood.

The other day, one of my mentors - who had to have her appendix removed this week -
exclaimed how, in certain Native American traditions, One does not dance the Bear Dance in
winter.  Now is the time for deep sleep and hibernation, for pulling in and staying warm, for burrowing and resting up.  Given that we southern Californians live in a perennial summer, how do we honor these most sacred of rhythms when we reside in a land and culture hell-bent on our forgetting?

As I reflect on the now, almost past year, I am filled with GRATITUDE.  My, what a year it has been filled with movement and motion, change and transformation ~  all that I ever really want for myself, really.  As a result, I discover myself sinking deeper into living my authentic truth with an open-heart while trusting that, whatever is to come in 2014 & beeyond,  both God and the Universe have got me.  I am Loved, fervently.  I am supported, deeply.  I LOVE, deep and true.  
I AM LOVE.

And, so are you.

So, may this bee my Christmas wish for you ~ 
to know this, to embody it, TO BEE IT.

Celebrate Solstice: HONOR the DARK

Tonight, we revel in the Dark.
Most Winter Solstice events that I have either participated within or am aware of, tend to usually celebrate the moving back towards the apex of the summer light.  Tonight, however, we're HONORING the Messiness, the Confusion, the Chaos, the Emotions, the Groping in the Dark and not knowing for what, the beeing pulled forward by not thought nor rationale but by feeling and a deep, embodied sense.  Tonight, we reclaim all that has been lost for more than a millennium and we honor a radical balance of our inner Masculine and Feminine, our Light and Dark ~ our very beeing on this planet Earth.
It's high time for this full reclamation.
The planet needs us now.
We need US now.

So, we hope you'll join us, where ever you are, in honoring your embodied wisdom - your inner knowing of what is harmful and what cultivates peace, which is your birthright of intuition.  We hope you'll root your seed dreams on these darkest nights of the year for a harmonious planet Earth upon which the process of reclaiming our once wounded selves is allowed to bee as spacious and messy as need bee.  We hope you'll sow light, freedom, joy, innocence, acceptance, vulnerability and courageous willingness in beeing with the darkness, the stillness, the quiet, the Death that winter brings and that is an inherent cycle of Life, for without any of this there is no Rebirth.

We hope you'll Dance.  And that you will know that Your Life is Your Greatest Dance.  Flowing in and out, out and in, of Relationship and Contact with Self, Earth and Others, of Intimacy and Relating, of beeing hurt and wounded and beeing alive and vibrant.  Balance beegins here.  The choice is up to you. 

ON INTIMACY

A few weekends ago, I had the privilege of studying directly under two Druids - keepers of an ancient wisdom - in their presentation of a dance workshop entitled, "Give Peace a Dance."  One of these men is the grandfather of our Encinitas Free-Form (or, non-denominational, if you prefer) Dance Community, which he and his son birthed  ten years ago.  During this amazing, winter weekend, I reveled not just in ample time spent back in the studio but in the embodied understanding that
I HAVE ARRIVED.  

Over the past four plus years, and under P's tutelage, I have worked diligently at embodying the concepts and ideas that these wise men were relaying through movement - essential life ingredients for how to sow awareness, presence and deep listening into one's life in order to flourish in this new consciousness.  Best of all, however, was beeing in the workshop with my Lover - someone with whom, after all these years, we simply flourish together while all of the projection and blame has flown out the window leaving mainly gentle, sweet LOVE with loads of SEX.  YES! ~ 

REGENERATIVE INTIMACY IS THE GREATEST INDICATOR OF OUR OWN PERSONAL EVOLUTION AND HOW FAR WE HAVE COME TO BALANCE OURSELVES ONCE MORE IN A PLACE OF SHARED, CONNECTED SPACE.

You think it would bee easy, right?  Seeing as how this is our natural, preferred state as human beeings?  Unfortunately, all the mid-20th century, modern push for single family dwellings and cookie-cutter suburban developments, all of the television and the media, the solo commutes in cars with music that caters only to one person's needs (i.e. car radio and/or earphones), all the convenience and drive-thrus, the single person bedrooms and one person per phone, computer, car, house, etc., has done is to render us more disconnected from each other, more isolated from our own feeling and sensing bodies as well as from true, sustained intimacy with others, our communities and our planet.  Do you want to know why our children keep arming themselves and walking into the prisons now known as public schools?  Look here.  It's simple.  And, it's up to US ~ we can shift this tide. 

Those who buy, sell and make the things want to keep selling in a product-based, results-oriented value system beecause the focus IS the bottom line.  US, however, we're tired of such scarcity mentality beecause we understand what it is breeding ~ a fear-based society that no longer has the social skills with which to have our most primary needs (for REAL-TIME SEX, LOVE, TOUCH, and AFFECTION) met.  

We can change this by making small yet life-altering choices, such as sharing everything we have, declaring that we do not need everything we are beeing taught to buy, and honoring that even our own 'weaknesses' do not have to bee changed beecause there are others whose strengths complement our frailties ~ all we need to do is partner with them.  The choice is up to you.   
What do you choose?

honoring the dark

I have't been typing here as often of late because my life is currently thick with VITALITY and real-time human connection that keeps me reflecting, digging and in amusement - daily.  As I surrender to the discomfort in my body that I am also experiencing in tandem with the depth of the intimacy that I share with dozens of people, I recognize that I HONOR THE DARKNESS by remaining pressed up against new and unfamiliar edges and planes while allowing the MYSTERY of all that I do not "know" to unfold and unveil itself around me.  To bee quite honest, this is new terrain ~ at least my recent adoption of an approach that is COMMITTED to my/the/our Highest Truth is.  Now, what the hell do I mean by that?

On Friday, I went into see a powerful, local acupuncturist.  After taking a hot yoga class this past week (my first official class in years!), I experienced the heigth of my body's mineral depletion - my throbbing right temple ready to burst forth into a major headache at any moment and my inability to replenish my electrolytes back into my body.  After thirty years of suffering from regular headaches/migraines as my main life ailment, I decided I had had enough ~ "I am releasing the illusion that I have to suffer," I told my lover in bed last night.  

What this requires, mainly, is for me to choose ME as my first priority by declaring that I deserve to energetically sustain my high vibration - everyday - and in most moments of my life.   See, I once erroneously beelieved that my monthly headaches were fair exchange for the high level of whole beeing health I radiate.   This is a falsehood, however ~ "I don't have to suffer - not one bit." And, here is TRUTH ~ suffering is optional.  Unfortunately, we've been raised and led to beelieve that suffering is a natural part of beeing human on planet Earth.  It's not.  

These Bodies, Hearts, Minds and Souls are naturally harmonious.  We seek to live in balance.  Obviously, clearing out the clutter of cultural conditioning takes time, and work.  I am working hard (spiritually speaking) so that those who come after me will not have to do so much backpedaling in order to flourish as we were all meant to.  I hope you will, too.

"Did I tell you how I got these headaches?" I asked my lover the other night.  He nodded his head "No" in response.  "When I was eight or nine, I would arrive home from school and, on days when I knew my mother was home because she did not go to work, I would feel anxious about what kind of mood I would find her in.  So, I would strategize outside the house's gate and, sometimes, I would pretend I had a headache in order to gain her sympathy immediately upon my arrival."  "Talk about manipulation!" he said in response.  "Yeah, well, I did it to avert a potential beating."  "I know," he said, patting my hand.  Remaining quiet, I thought to myself about how 'it takes One to know One.'  Indeed.

radical balance, too

I've been missing you.
It's true.
When I don't post here, I feel the lack of our interaction ~ even though I don't "know" who is reading this, or where. 
I've wanted to encapsulate the brilliance of this now - yet, in reality, words fall short of the embodied truth of experience.  Perhaps, what I wish most is that YOU are also experiencing a vibrant LIFE right along with me.

Tonight, I burst out into tears while strolling along a cold coastline with my partner.  Along with an amazing weekend that included time spent in the dance studio (aka hOMe) giving "Peace a Dance," moments spent sowing the magic of non-rational sound and movement with a group of 75 people all dropped into One mind during a phenomenal Ecstatic Dance session, LOVE, sex, work, walking, writing, and bee-ing, I've also experienced constricted dances with reactions from a fear-based place of scarcity. 

It hurts to bee on the receiving end of the judgment that is inherent in this place.  So, I cried, "Damn it!  I wish I could just bee like everyone else and project and blame and gossip."  (Not really.  But, I allow my inner child to stomp her feet every once in awhile.)  My partner, he just laughed, "I didn't know it affected you, Cara," he said.  "You're just so damn high-functioning."  "I'm human," I reminded him, "of course I feel it all."  And, then, I mourned for how I wish we could all just vibrate in this place where we're not projecting or judging, we're not blaming or wasting our precious energy on pointing fingers and talking about others.  Rather, we're taking full responsibility for all of it.  We're keeping our vision focused on our highest intentions for the good of all, including ourselves and this planet.  

On Sunday night, I took this BodyMind of mine on a stroll when my inner parent told my inner child to just "stay your course and keep on beeing YOU."  In that exact moment, I looked up at the night sky and a huge meteor burst into flame in the Earth's atmosphere and fell, with a brightly-lit illuminated tail beehind it, for a good forty to forty-five seconds.  WOW!   The Geminid Meteor Shower is in full effect and is on 'till Friday ~ so get out under that night sky and count your shooting stars~!

And I remembered this time last year, when you and I strolled through that Golden Hill Park and I counted eight ~ 8 ~ Shooting Stars as I laughed and chortled in glee.  The year that has followed has been illuminating, to say the least.  And, as a result, that number (8) defines this space of SOLID LIGHTNESS (or light solidity ; ) that I find myself evolving more and more into ~ RADICAL BALANCE.

re-RIGHTING popular Story

"Where there is hatred within,
train your mind to sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope; 
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy;
do not so much seek to bee consoled
as to console;
to bee understood as to understand;
or to bee loved as to LOVE;
for it's in the giving that we receive,
it's in the pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it's by letting go of the concept of a separate "Self"
that we are born to eternal life."  
--St. Francis

"SOME PEOPLE ARE SO POOR,

ALL THEY HAVE IS MONEY."  

--anonymous.

I'm tired
due to a SPACIOUSLY FULL LIFE.

I'm full of gratitude as well as the embodied understanding
that this now is perfect.  

All is unfolding exactly as it is meant to.

This is it!
And there is nothing 'more.'

MORE Soon.  xoxox.  ;)

(i have come to) BUILD A BRIDGE

http://www.crystalinks.com/shamanism.html

"There are, strictly speaking, no enlightened people; 

there is only enlightened activity."  

--Shunryu Suzuki

I apprenticed one of our local Medicine women here in Encinitas yesterday.  She is a powerful healer whom I have had the good fortune of working along beeside, off and on, for the past thee years.  Mainly, she begs me to apply my "Creative Director" talents to her home-based business.  (Yes, I say that with great humility as well as pride!) 

She works with our most primary heart beat and rhythm - the drum - as a healing tool for our personal and global consciousness.  One of her projects was teaching the art of drum circle facilitation to local Northern Iraqi's as a means of conflict resolution for the many diverse tribes there that were greatly affected by the war.  She also actively studied under Michael Bernard Beckwith of Agape! in Los Angeles for years, as well.  It is an honor to bee bowing down to serve those who have paved the way so that we could bee here now.  

Modern examples of ancient Shamanism, there are many ways to practice Medicine for the People today.  One of my sistars is currently studying the art of apothecary in Northern California in order to brings it into our local community, meanwhile I enjoy the luxurious use of her beach side pad.  One of my brothers, like Nahko beelow, is focused on his voice and music as a primary healing tool - and, beelieve me, what flies out of his mouth is pure heart and Soul.   I focus on our Body - on literal and metaphorical movement as well as intimacy and connection - since it is the primary tool we each came to this planet with. 
 
Listen with your heart to what your true gifts are and SHARE, SHARE, SHARE these with your Loved Ones, community and the planet.  Feel deeply, learn to think for yourself once more and beegin discriminating between that which is harmful for you and that which feeds your internal fire. 
You can do it ~ I beelieve in YOU.

 "How people treat you is their karma;

how you react is yours."  

--Wayne Dyer

MEDICINE WOMAN

Thanks Living

"It's intriguing the way you really work with the metaphor of Medicine," he said.
"When did you start doing this?"
"Just last year, really," I replied.
"An acquaintance had run a Chaldean numerological reading on my name and kept pressing that there was something really important associated with my grandmother and me.  In hindsight, I come from a lineage of Medicine women ~ although they had been brainwashed to assimilate to a forceful way that strips humans of their authentic power and, thus, were extremely disconnected to their own internal fire as a result."

Then, I remembered a conversation my sister and I had when I was a little girl and she, four years my senior, had come to embrace her love of animals and her desire to one day become a veterinarian.  "Cara, you have to bee a nurse, since I am not going to bee," she advised me.   "Noooooooooo," I whined in response, "I don't want to."  To this day, I remain adamant that I am not a western medical caregiver.  I simply don't beelieve in its ways.

Obviously, I am (relatively) young and have only recently embarked upon this self-ascribed journey of beeing a Medicine Person.  I look forward to where it takes me.  However, there are key indicators that delineate this path:

• The understanding that EVERYTHING is comprised of energy.  When I was girl, I treated all things - including living beeings as well as inanimate objects - with reverence and Love.  (I also had emotional eruptions the size of Mt. Etna - this was learned behavior that came with a lack of positive emotional development, however.)
  
• A commitment to moving towards the light, even in the midst of confusion and chaos.  Music and Harmony are an integral component of the Medicine Person's path.
  
• Creating Beauty by continually choosing to respond to the light and/or transmuting destructive, painful, turbulent energy into Harmony through the Power of Creativity, Reflective Thinking, and Heart-Centered, Embodied Practices (Walking, Dancing, Sex, etc.)
  
• Accepting Death, as well as Shadow, as an inherent part and important balance of life lived on planet Earth.  All things must die in order to bee reborn.
  
• Honoring Circadian Rhythms, both internal and external, as well as the Natural Cycle of Life ~ Birth, Death, Rebirth.
  
• Understanding that the Mind is not solely located in our Heads - our entire body is a breathing, thinking organism.  Whatever inflicted traumas or self-imposed suffering one part of us experiences, it is intrinsically connected to our Body or Mind, as well.
  
• Recognition that this Earth is your primary Body.  Whatever happens on and to this planet, happens to you!
  
• 110% Commitment to your own personal growth, development and healing; acceptance that your sole job is to aid in the evolution of the Soul you now carry within your Body during this lifetime; and full acknowledgment that this is the only path to World Harmony and Peace.
  
• An essential non-judgmental, embodiment practice in which One is feeding his/her internal innocence and joy, coupled with an expressive practice in which One is giving voice to her/his gratitude, ecstasy and fulfillment regularly.
  
• Regular celebration and reverence, as well as the diligent work of sowing the seeds and cultivating the fields, of DIVERSITY - including bio-diversity across the face of our globe as well as human diversity of shape, size, ages, abilities, tongues, forms of prayer, etc.
  
• Crafting MEANING in our lives not through external rewards or recognition, but through an internal commitment to living One's own "Hero's Journey," or "Love Story."
  
• Using metaphor for rewriting cultural narrative and story, and literally digging into the Earth's soil as a means to replenish the Soul of a (nearly) Depleted Human Species.
  
• Eating Earth-grown foods with as little processing as possible as often as we can, and using the natural healing elements found within the Earth's plants, trees, roots and more, to cure us of our ailments, dis-eases, etc.

NOW IS THE TIME.  
WE ARE ALL MEDICINE PEOPLE HERE.
JOIN THE MOVEMENT.

MY BIG DREAM

 Sitting on a rock outcropping while meditating on the surfers 
who were meditating on the waves
which was meditating on the ocean,
I reflected on the recent past.

In the springtime, I brought a then lover
to our Friday night Dance Jam! where one of our community brothers -
a powerful, ebony skinned, middle aged man who is lovingly affectionate
with men and women, and who is all muscle as well as elegance -
was dressed in a tight, metallic skirt above black tights and a garter belt.

Immediately afterward, my lover turned to me and innocently inquired,
"Is he gay?"
I just looked at him, shrugged my shoulders and responded,
"Does it matter?"

DOES IT MATTER?
Not, does it matter who you are or how you move through the world,
but rather, can you just let others bee without having to define them, and place them
within some neat, little box just so your tiny mind can attempt to "comprehend" who's who and
what's what? 

BEST YET, CAN YOU LET YOURSELF JUST BEE ~
can you accept that who you are is malleable and ever-changing,
that your beeliefs and ideas are perfect for now - whether or not anyone else agrees with you,
and that you can fart in public without shame, that you can jump up and down with joy and gratefully
experience beeing in your body and emoting expressively without needing a reason, or having to define a "why" and in complete and total acceptance that someone else, somewhere just may bee looking at you and judging, "who the hell does she think he is?" 
And, you'll just squeal in delight and exclaim, "ME!  I AM JUST ME."  
"So, why don't you get up and try JOY for just this once?"  
It may simply bee the solution to all of our woes.

THIS IS MY BIG DREAM FOR OUR PLANET ~
PLANET EARTH IS MERELY OUR PLAYGROUND.

IT IS WHERE WE ~ THESE GODS AND GODDESSES PARADING AROUND AS HUMAN BEEINGS ~
GET TO EXPERIENCE EVERYTHING/ALL OF IT.  

LET GO OF YOUR SUFFERING.  
ACCEPT THAT DEATH IS THE INEVITABLE SENTENCE THAT COMES WITH BIRTH.  
AND REVEL.  
(THERE'S NOTHING MORE TO DO.)

LIVING GRATITUDE

"Thanks Giving is Good,
but Thanks Living is Best," the sign reads on that wisdom board
found along a stretch of highway 78 in my hometown of Vista.
We drove by it yesterday as a devilish grin lit up my face.

The holy-day season of 2013 has slid into 3rd base.
It's a downhill ride from here.
How will you mark the time? 
 
A New Moon is tomorrow ~ keep planting those Soul Seeds,
my friends.  The dark of this season can bee the most nutritious of all.
What are you wanting to grow?
(Me?  I always aim for LOVE.  
Even when I know I am working with depleted soil, and immature seeds.)

We'll bee Honoring the Darkness for our Winter Solstice event come mid-month.
Typically, it's always been about calling Back in the Light, but I've grown to LOVE my Darkness and want to celebrate and honor Her, just as equally as His light.  Balance requires our radical awareness.  Are you aware?

It's been a full and spacious week.  Luxurious time spent with loved ones and old friends, experiencing healing as well as critical conversations that included bee-ing offered advice.  All one has to do is listen and receive.  DEEP LISTENING IS CRITICAL TO RECEIVING.  Moments enjoyed strolling along a sunlit and warm winter beach.  Hours passed throwing a Frisbee disc, tending to the needs of customers in a Spiritual gift shop and just bee-ing.  Very little time spent consuming mass amounts of any one thing - food, media, stuff, etc.  Dancing my ass off.  Making love, making love, love making.  Minutes ticking by of allowing my frustration to rise and bee given voice ~ I take full responsibility for all of it and I have to allow it to move and bee expressed.  Otherwise, it stays stuck like cement, damning my forward movement and leaving me feeling heavy with exhaustion.  This goes for my anger, too ~ like those volcanoes currently spewing lava across our planet, I blew my top and lost my center on Thanksgiving night.  Fortunately, he can withstand the gale force of my e~MOTION and I can let it go and move on. 
IT ALL NEEDS TO MOVE. 

So, how do we live our gratitude?  
How do we take this notion off of the bookstore shelves, out of the books 
and embody it in our everyday lives?
I don't know.
But I'm willing to challenge you to a duel....
We've got a month. 
Let's show each other how to LIVE OUR GRATITUDE FOR THE REMAINDER OF 2013. 
Let's "Compete" to See Who Can Give Thanks the Highest beecause it's fun and, in the end,
WE ALL WIN. 

Token (white woman)

I saw a blogpost by an early-twenty something year-old white boy who chose to buck convention of doing the "good" or "right" thing (of getting an education, a job, then married, with kids, etc.) and instead chose to listen to his heart.  Naturally, this natural rhythm took him around the world and back.  Along the way he wrote his first book and now is experiencing some minor success for it.  Recently, he received some constructive feedback about how lucky he is to bee of a privileged class that allows him to enjoy such a life of such luxury.  He responded with a Facebook post about how "Success isn't Racist."  Hmmmm...

Since I was twenty, I have immensely enjoyed the privilege of placing myself in a position of beeing a minority.  This first happened when I took advantage of the American credit system and hopped aboard a Korean Air flight headed to Bangkok.  On that plane, I looked around me and, for the first time ever in my life, I was different in skin color than everyone else. 

That year, I was headed even farther east than Thailand.  I was metaphorically thumbing my way to Sri Lanka, where my sister was stationed as a Peace Corps Volunteer.  At Sunny Beach, a popular tourist beach destination on the southern point of that tear-drop shaped island that lay just beelow India, I noticed how the locals admonished their darker skinned peers with adjectives like "Blackie."  Apparently, darker shades of brown were not viewed positively amongst these brown skinned people.  I was twenty years old and it was clear that something was not right in the world.

In South Africa, I strolled along the friendly streets of Zimbabwe as a 'murungu' (white woman).  The single men there would spy me from a distance and quickly bestow me with their affection.  "I love you," they would coo, hoping against all odds that I would bee their ticket out of an impoverished country and into a life with greater opportunity to experience the travel, education and gourmet, organic food that has been the epitome of my American spending habits.

After five weeks spent enjoying the Zimbabwean culture and people, my best friend - who, at the time, was studying abroad at the university there - accompanied me to the bus stop so that I could head to South Africa in order to board a plane headed for the European continent.  As the bus approached, a nebulous group of inter-generational Zimbabweans began shoving and jockeying to board the bus.  I was so overwhelmed by the absolute lack of political niceness that I simply stood away from the crowd, waiting for everyone to find their seats so that I wouldn't have to push anyone out of my way.  Instead, however, the bus driver called out for the "white woman" (me) to get on the bus before everyone else did.  Embarrassed for beeing singled out, I grudgingly did what I was told.

When I was a girl, I loved Cabbage Patch Kids.  My sister and I both had been gifted homemade Cabbage Patch Kids by a family friend who had sewn them her self.  Each of our dolls kind of looked like each of us, with creamy, olive skin and dark features.  Eventually, my mother also bought me two real Cabbage Patch kids.  My first doll had blond hair, and a white, plastic face.  My second doll was a bald-headed, white-plastic faced boy 'Preemie.'  I loved them all, but something was missing.  "I want a black Cabbage Patch kid," I told my mom soon after.  Fortunately, she has never questioned my so-called "off-beat" desires.

And, just yesterday, I read an article about how one of Angie Jolie's (whom I have just adored for years now) white daughters was photographed carrying around a black doll.  Here's what the article had to say about experiments with young children and dolls:

"Psychologists Kenneth and Mamie Clark conducted experiments with black children, who were asked questions regarding which doll was bad or ugly and given an option between a black doll and white doll.  Most children associated positive qualities with the white doll, and 63 percent preferred playing with the white doll, leading the Clarks to conclude that black children "indicate a clear-cut preference for white and some of them evidence emotional conflict when requested to indicate a color preference.  It is clear that the Negro child, by the age of 5, is aware of the fact that to be colored in contemporary American society is a mark of inferior status.  A child accepts as early as 6, 7 or 8 the negative stereotypes about his own group."

The article went on to say,

"Six decades later the experiment was revisited.  When 19 black children, ranging from age 5 to 9, were asked which doll was nice, according to Good Morning America, "Sixty years ago, 56 percent of the children chose the white doll. The majority of our kids chose black or both and 32 percent chose the white doll," an improvement, or so it seemed.  But according to those administering the experiment, some of the black girls still struggled to see positive qualities in the black dolls.  "Second-grader Jamya Atkins, 7, picked the white doll as soon as she sat down and before the questions began.  She said the white doll was shiny and the black doll was frowning."

In conclusion, the articles states:
"When asked about Jolie's daughter playing with a black doll and whether it is culturally significant, Jeff Gardere, a psychologist who has treated children, said that black children playing with white dolls can have a negative impact on their self-esteem, but when it comes to white children playing with black dolls, "I think that's an amazing thing, because it has an opposite effect." He explained that "white is still considered to be a preferential color and preferential status in our society, so to put a white doll with a black child will have a negative impact for most black children but to put a black doll for a white child might make that white child more sympathetic to or more open to having a black person in their lives and loving and respecting black people."

(Read more: http://host.madison.com/news/opinion/column/keli-goff-why-it-matters-that-angelina-jolie-s-white/article_9c912970-b058-5531-afaf-656725a0412c.html#ixzz2m0OIigzO)

HERE'S TO PUTTING DOLLS OF ALL COLORS, BODY TYPES, AGES AND ABILITIES INTO OUR CHILDREN'S HANDS.

 

Luxurious Privilege (aka Thanks~Giving)

SHAKTI

It's the day before Thanksgiving, and we awoke to you taking photographs of me naked in your bed.
Milky curves, white breasts and round hips spilling over soft, down blankets built up around me.  We weren't posing; we were merely capturing the intimacy as it hangs, thick and sweet, between us.  

Your photos documenting my curves along with a myriad of looks, including lines on my face like that of a haggard, old lady.  I irregularly whine at how "unattractive" I am in so many of these captured moments, for one of my truths is that I am just as vain as I have been raised to bee.   Still, you softly prod my raw vulnerability along.  "They are all within you," you say, in response to my multi-dimensionality that looks nothing like the glossy, two-dimensional images that assault my daily gaze, tricking me into beliefs of a sterile and flat feminine beauty.  

It's not easy to always swallow my true humanity - to compassionately allow for this "darkness" within me that has been demonized for far too long now.  It's called Earth.  Sometimes, it bites and it stings.  Other times, it erupts and it spews.  Mainly, though, it just gives.  Our only task is to merely surrender to its offering. 

I surrendered into the magic of a Tuesday spent enjoying jovial laughter as I drove "Miss Daisy" (or, er, my mother) to a downtown courthouse.  Enjoying my solitude, I strolled along the Embarcadero, where Green Peace's water craft, the Rainbow Warrior, was in port all the way from Amsterdam, before heeding my body's desire for protein.  Heading up that Golden Hill, I walked into one of my many old jaunts - that volcanic cafe where "you" frequently are. 

I felt nervous energy at the prospect of seeing you, not because I cared to see you - I feel "complete" having recently shared what I wanted to say ("You are a cock tease who needs to have the devil fucked out of him!" I texted after your random wondering of where I am now) - but beecuase I feared what you would think about seeing me.  ("Is she stalking me?" etc.)  Yet, all I can ever know and trust are my own intentions, thus I will not let insecurities or fear dictate my forward momentum.  Naturally, however, there you are - standing right outside - and, there I go, getting in line right beehind your girlfriend.  Ha!  The Universe's comedic antics just keep on coming!  And, all I can do is smile and enjoy ~ surrender to what is. 

At the park, I climb into the welcoming embrace of Grandma.  It's been too long since I've sat up in her thick branches.  Another "you" joins me there and together we just bee ~ like the brother and sister that we are.  Your youth - ten years my junior - dances before my eyes.  We still don't know "why" we've been brought together, yet we remain committed to a vision of a much greater purpose than our little, human eyes can fathom.  Only time will tell.

Returning "home" to my sweetest you is quickly beecoming a welcomed habit.  After months spent of our fucking the life back into you, your internal fire is rising.  I share with you a heart-thought that has been steadily building in my body-mind about integrating the moon cycle into my teachings in order for men and women to once again gently flow through their daily lives.  

Next, we are off to collectively meet and plan, build and organize.  On the table between us, we place three small piles - a financial pittance for months of diligent work.  Gratefully, we receive, even as I also taste Life's comic farce once more - if this is all a game, of rolling the dice, collecting and spending the green bills, and moving ahead, step by step, then I am grown tired of playing in the minor leagues. 

Sweet Sistar, you invite me into your Sacred Space to partake of some green medicine.  Nervously, I acquiesce (for it's been months and, in the past, I have easily fallen into abusing, in lieu of LOVING, Mary Jane), then we all depart to a night of celebrating the dark at our regular dance studio during our regular meeting time.  I take to the floor and the walls and blocks, impediments and dams that keep me from fully surrendering on the dance floor of LIFE have mystically melted.  I melt into your arms, and yours, and yours, and you hold me, and lift me.  You dazzle me, and love me.  I surrender and I come to - to push and guide us all into a deeper state of awareness and bee-ing.  Sometimes, it's soft and gentle, other times it can feel like a rude cracking.  Waking up is not always comfortable terrain.

Sweat laden and exhausted, we return home to experience our first "fight."  Who's to say what it is about, except for energy moving through?  You say that you've seen a different me on this night (a vixen, perhaps) and She is not backing down when you're at a loss for understanding Her.  "I don't know if I can accept you," you say.  And, I understand - I know these feelings well.  So many times I wonder if I can just breathe into my discomfort of wanting something else in order to just accept what is.   So, I don't try to convince you otherwise.  I just let you bee where you are.  "I want you to thrive," I say, "with or without me."

Miraculously, however, with each adventure into as of yet unexplored emotional terrain, our sex life also mirrors this plunge into new depths.  On the dance floor earlier, I also noticed how my brothers were helping me to invert my orgasm with a full release of my spine.  And, what I know is that

KALIYANTRA (click for link)

ALL of this MEDICINE is vital and necessary for not just my vibrant well-beeing, but for all of ours.



P.S. In gratitude for all of the abundant flourishing that is my life now, I purchased a "grab & give" bag at Sprouts! today.  It's a paper sack filled with Thanksgiving dinner ingredients and food stuffs and it will bee gifted to families at Father Joe's Village for tomorrow's celebration.  I also placed a small donation inside of a Charity Worker's can outside of the grocery store's doors. 
Please, GIVE WHEN, AND AS OFTEN, AS YOU CAN.  
Our luxurious privilege comes with great responsibility.

With that Moon Language

With that Moon Language 
by Hafiz 

Admit something:
Everyone you see, say to them, "Love me."
Of course you do not do this out loud;
otherwise someone would call the cops.
Still, though, think about this,
this great pull in us to connect. 
Why not become the one who lives with a full moon in each eye that is always saying, 
with that sweet moon language, 
what every other eye in this world is dying to hear? 
(translated by Daniel Ladinsky)  

"call the cops
Hafiz, we've heard this all before, though usually in reference to someone else;
and certainly in more subtle, more psychologically nuanced language.
Why do you have to be so direct? So sharp? So unequivocal?  
Everyone you see, you say to them, "Love me." 
You mean me?  You mean that I walk around all day with a big sign on my chest saying love me?  I don't see myself that way.  Not me.  Though I do understand that there are many people in that sad situation; and I would even go so far as to admit that we may all, from time to time, suffer a little from the condition.  But surely there are degrees of the ailment, from high fever to a barely discernible tone of voice or look in the eyes?

This is why Hafiz had to be sharp.  His words need to cut like a knife through our defenses to get to the core of the truth.  No one wants to hear this.  It's embarrassing.  It's humbling.  But the cleaner the wound, the quicker it heals.  And the truth is, however self-determining we may take ourselves to be, however mature and at home with ourselves we may feel, it is still likely that, in the wings of our awareness, there is some little person in us who never quite grew up, who is always waiting for the slightest opportunity to squeeze some acknowledgement from his parents whatever shape or form they may assume in his adult life.
   
So we want to be loved.  Of course we do.  And one of the most common ways we have of feeling that feeling is to gain the approval of others.  No doubt this contributes to our need to build the tallest skyscraper, run the fastest mile, deliver the best speech, write the best book.  There are other, far more significant contributing factors to human achievement of course - the urgency of a talent or deeply felt conviction to express itself for example; or the upwelling of a fountain of creativity from the deep heart's core, to borrow a phrase from Yeats.  To say otherwise would be sheer reductionism, a diminishment of the human spirit.  And yet, this need for approval, which we take to be love, can so easily seep into everything we say and do.  

We want to prove ourselves; yes, for our own satisfaction, but also to our father, or maybe our mother, and to our peers.  We want to be recognized, esteemed and valued, a perfectly natural and valid desire.  Yet so easily, we can look for the recognition in all the wrong places.  Sometimes for years, sometimes for a lifetime, we may tailor our behavior to fit the image of what we think others will want and like.  We conform socially, we do all the right things, maybe we even go to the school or take up the course of study our father always wanted us to, the profession that he, perhaps, took up himself.  Or we rebel, and do the opposite, which amounts to the same thing: We are still at the effect of our need to be loved.  Maybe we manage to sort out the issue by our thirties or maybe our forties.   Maybe we manage to begin creating a life that is more genuinely our own, rather than one made according to the image of others, and of the collective norm. Even so, we still need to be liked, respected.  

I know a woman who is a successful model.  She has felt ambivalent about her job for years.   But she finds it very difficult - impossible, thus far - to leave. It's not just the money or the travel - those attractions palled a while ago.  I suspect she gets something else that would be difficult to give up.  She gets admiration; she gets the constant affirmation that she is not only beautiful, but that she does her work well.  She feels valued, and that is a healthy and empowering feeling.  The only trouble is, we all know in our hearts that the approval of others for our achievements, our beauty, even the nobility of our character, is not enough, however gratifying it may be.   It is not yet the love we are really looking for, which is why we can feel hollow even in the midst of our greatest successes." 
--from Roger Housden's 10 Poems that Can Change Your Life

la lengua de mi corazon

Me?  A 'Featured Poet - what a treat!
And, after all these years, I am still wearing 'my mama's clothes' ~
only this time it's a green, plaid shawl, 40+ years old.

After an evening of laughter and audience participation,
it dawns on me,
"I been doing this - writing about, reflecting upon,
and embodying my Divine Feminine & Masculine - for years now."

There is no separation beetween.

(for YOU, my friend....)

The Language of My Heart

FUCK!
A timeless ritual of birthing, all one can do is steady her mind in the process.
Focus.
Breathe.  Press.
And, PUSH OUT.
Bare down.
Breathe.
FUCK!

Oh Brother, it's fucking that got us here.
A co-creative act, on-going since time began,
your seed puncturing my moon,
her wild flow beckoning his hard shell,
divinity
dances
in these moments.

There's a temple awaiting our union.
It begs to bee filled with the yin yang of our balance.
With you on your belly, protecting your warm, open heart,
and me on my back, laughing off your defenses.
Perhaps, one day, the veil will drop, the ice will melt,
and you will awaken

to

our bodies rocking in the light.
Our heart songs channeled directly from Source.

This rhythm can go on,
all night long.
This rhythm
sways
to the tune
of a Universal tongue.
La lengua del amor, paz & libertad.
La lengua de mi corazon.

the Earth's LOVE Story

"You smell like Pine," you say, as you nuzzle your tickling nose into my naked armpits.
I chuckle in response, reminded of all those years ago when another brother - though from a further distance - would say the same thing.  Only this time, I understand the deeper implications ~
I Am... Earth. 

I wandered in late to our sacred ceremony this past Full Moon night, smelling of sweat and sex, my hair in disarray, my clothes dirty and rumpled.  A regular witch.  I am the darkness.  And you, you sat there, stoic and erect, beaming in all white without even having to lift your lips into a smile.  A quiet wizard.  You are the light.

Purging our tears, cleansing our Souls, the images of so many Others flickered before my eyes.  Humans suffering, needlessly struggling to prove an egoic sense of Self while losing vital life force in the process.  I felt it all as the lilting Icaros kept turning me from the fetal position I was curled in, attempting to trap the heat to my center, back out towards the Harmony of Song.  The Star People's - our Ayahuasquero's - voices like angels and I a tight bud unfolding towards the rays of the Sun, over and over again.

I was three years old when my Soul made it's choice to turn towards the light.  Four years ago, however, I fully committed to this Love Story that has always burned deep within my gut. 
Only now I understand that this Love Story isn't "mine," it's the Earth's.  So much has revealed itself since - hundreds of guides and teachers, paths and lessons.  It hasn't been easy nor always fun - especially not the literal and metaphorical bites and bumps! - but it's always been exactly what I need.  Now, there is nothing else to do but to keep on keeping on for there is no return fare.  The only thing is that I still don't "know" where to or how.  I am simply surrendering, remaining open, deeply listening and willing to follow the Universe.  It knows, it always does.

Then, you opened up your mouth, in the pitch black your fingers found the chords, and your purity - of Heart and Soul - poured forth.  My Mer-ka-bah rose to meet yours - my dark to your light, my feminine to your masculine, my dance to your song - and my human Self sat watching as these two light bodies twirled and spun.  Brother and Sister eternally united in rhythm, melody, love and light.  
Osiris and Isis dance on.  
The Divine Sun Child has risen.   

Divine Sun Child

Blessings of the Sun Falcon

"Blessings of the Sun Falcon, the Divine Sun Child, Horus, 

Son of Isis and Osiris, flow to you now, beeloved Initiate.  

It is time to allow your life to flourish, without limits, to let 

your light burn bright and without veil, just like the midsummer 

Sun burning without contest in the Egypt desert!  

Blessings of the Sun Falcon herald the time when your 

Divine Legacy is being born.  It is your time to burn bright!

Horus, the Divine Sun Child of Isis and Osiris, was born out 

of impossible circumstances, through the great devotion of 

his mother, Isis, and Her loving determination to heal Her 

husband and bring him back to life, to eventually become 

King of Egypt, defeating dark forces that would seek to 

destroy him and all that He loved, with great triumph.  

It is a story of the Divine Hero of Egypt!

It is also a metaphor for our inner world.  Our Divine Feminine 
must stay true to Her values of love, healing and the triumph of 
creativity over destruction born of fear and hate.  She must never

give up Her belief in Her ideals.  Our Divine Feminine is our body, 
whether man or woman, our inner values and the ideals that make 
our hearts beat stronger and feel right within our bellies.

With such love for her inner Divine Masculine, she never gives up 
on Her belief in Him either, and in Her desire for their togetherness.  
It leads to His healing, even if he has been lost, fragmented 

and thought dead.  The Divine Masculine is our spirit, whether man 
or woman, that our body desires to unite with, to help it come to life 
and light into a new and blissful way.  The love in our hearts calls 

our spirit home into our bodies.  We become able to stand firm, take 
action and make choices that allow our inner ideals to become part 
of our world.  We live according to our values, not just hold them inside 

ourselves.

Finally, as our Divine Feminine and Masculine unite within our bodies, 
a new golden consciousness is born - this is the Sun Child Horus, 
with an Eye that is the Moon and an Eye that is the Sun, 

representing the perfect balance of masculine and feminine in harmony 
with each other.  The Divine Sun Child is the new self, filled with love, 
light and power in the world.  It is the authentic self, living the inner 
truths in the outer world, an agent of healing on this planet, and 
inspiration for others toeventually receive these same blessings. 

As the Sun Falcon, with a burning golden solar disc above his head,
he descends to you now, blessing you with great light, good tidings
and creative potency to manifest your life's legacy, that which has 

meaning and preciousness to your heart and Soul, successfully. 
He is the Sign that your heart needs to know it will triumph.

The Solar Principle for which he stands honors creativity and light
in all forms - music, art, writing, and more.  What is in your heart?  
Are you building a spiritual legacy in your life now?  Even if from 

seemingly small or impossible beginnings, great things are possible 
for you and your creative spirit.

To allow these sacred blessings to empower your Creative Birth now,
in many ways, you are guided to let go of thoughts or feelings that it is
'impossible' or too hard or cannot be done.  Honoring the need to create
as part of your natural life expression is a way for you to receive these blessings.  
You are born to shine like the Sun.  You just are and there is no question 
that it will happen.

This Oracle of the Sun Falcon can also indicate a new and life changing
opportunity on its way to you.  When your heart sings, say YES!  
Do not give up until you have your success!  

The sun will shine on you!  You will succeed!"

--from the Divine Sun Child Card: Isis Oracle Cards by Alana Fairchild

enough is enough

Another Full Moon is upon us,
how do you mark the passage of your life?

Last night's Ecstatic Dance was brilliant - we're finding our flow
and grounding into our purpose.  Together, we - the main space holders and myself,
the weekly volunteers, and the wider community - are experiencing a deepening.

A tighter container with regular rituals has been birthed
inside of which the integrity of chaos in motion (improvisation) plays out and unfurls. 
This, my friends, is the embodiment of the masculine and feminine ~ a radical balance that these radical times calls for.
You must show up to do the work and embody it inside of yourself, now.

For you are nothing less than the Universe in Motion - simply Bee this.

The moon is officially full on November 17th.
Here's the reading from Jose & Lena Steven's Power Path:

"November 17: Full Moon is at 8:16 AM MST. Because this is such a powerful time energetically, it is easy to get caught up in the drama of it all.  The temptation is always to look at what has come down that has been a challenge or is negative.  The mind will always want to understand and try to process what did not work out much more readily than gaining any insight into what manifested without any problem.  During this full moon, discipline the mind to accept and welcome the positives in your life. Focus on what works and ask the "what if" questions that will stimulate even a greater expansion and gratitude."

Lately, I've been personally deepening into my oft-written notion of "no time."  
Time isn't linear.  It's curving and fluid.  
By repeating this idea often, I've been more regularly tasting the slowness of my life 
and relishing it.  
Beecause one truth is that we were all raised on convenience and we all "want it now, daddy!" 
Just like Violet in Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory whose father did not assert healthy boundaries for her and, thus, Violet did not have the wherewithal to safely let her impatient desire go, we can all get caught up in what we think we want and roll away from where we need to bee as a result.  
The discipline of life is to keep your eyes on "winning," however the prize is always a vibrant life in which mistakes are allowed to bee made but kindness is the only way. (Just ask Charlie.) 

You have to accept, however, that this kind of LOVE is saying "No" just as equally as it is saying "Yes."  

This is just one example of the healed 'Masculine' - protecting our Selves from the dangers of over-consumption (of candy, sugar, fat, toys, electronics, food, money) by saying "No, it's not necessary.  Enough is enough, Violet.  Come along now."  And, if you refuse, there will bee consequences for your actions.  (Like: You will blow up into a big, purple grape and lose your chances at winning this game.  Is that what you want?)


"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Come along now." 

Webcam video from November 15, 2013 7:06 PM

STATE of INFANTILE

I watched the Hunger Games for the first time last night - it's a searing image of a dystopic future when humanity has been sold into compartmentalized slavery while an urban bourgeoisie clinks expensive champagne glasses as they cheer innocent children on to a violent death in a game of reality television that sickly employs virtual manipulation.  This fantastical sci-fi flick stars Jennifer Lawrence as the main protagonist - the Dark Feminine courageously battling the establishment as even she noxiously falls into playing their psychotic game.  And we, a western, wanting public, confuse reality for myth as we lift this budding, Hollywood starlet onto our shoulders.  The thing is, my friends, we're not far off from such a numbing existence - especially if we don't refuse to fight and end the exploitation of others by a schizophrenic culture that glorifies violence.  VIOLENCE ISN'T ENTERTAINMENT.  

Pay attention, my friends.  Facts don't lie: millions of American dollars end up back in the hands of billionaires as "tax subsidy" for their family farms.  This is what the Farm Bill, and pretty much any "tax" that everyday people are forced to pay, really is - loop holes for the rich to get richer and the middle and lower classes to remain stuck in a life-force killing, energy-sucking existence of survival.  Did you know that Apple is currently beeing sued by the country of Italy for hiding millions of dollars off-shore?  Apparently, it's everyday business for multi-national corporations to evade paying the high cost of their business on planet Earth by taking advantage of Ireland's 12.7% corporate tax law.   Meanwhile, I've got the U.S. government demanding that I pay back-taxes of $700+ dollars for 2007 - a year when I, maybee, made upwards of $20,000. 

If I really show up to "atone" for my financial mayhem of the past few years, then there will bee a higher number purported for what I owe.  Although I am not adding to the world economy by creating "brilliant new products, or services, that will advance our humanity," my carbon footprint on planet Earth is quite nominal.  I share everything I have and I have very little - including no home and no car.  THE WAY I LIVE MY EVERYDAY LIFE IS RELATIVELY PEACEFUL TO PLANET EARTH AND HER MILLIONS OF INHABITANTS.  I'm not mass producing products that will simply end up in a dump.  I am not buying more than my fair share of gasoline - which is the lubricant of our planet's joints that is forcefully sucked out it and violently stolen from other lands at the intended loss of innocent lives.  How is any of this fair or just?  IT'S NOT.   
YOU MUST WAKE UP.

And I know I'm not alone - I know that you too are struggling, to make ends meet, to get out of debt, to enjoy a peaceful livelihood filled with vibrant energy, LOVE, emotional and physical intimacy, real time touch, affection and sex, etc.  Ask yourself: do people or businesses that already have millions of dollars in profits need to "save money," or receive special incentives for simply beeing wealthy?  The answers are obvious.  The thing is, however, MONEY is not going to solve our way outta this.  We can't buy our way to peace, contentment, happiness or LOVE.  WE HAVE TO STOP ALTOGETHER. 

We need to scrap the system - because it's a machinated parent that keeps its orphaned children dependent on its tits and fearful of its impotent balls.  The only thing is, its breasts and testicles do not produce life-affirming, nutritious fluid.  So, we keep suck, suck, sucking, like Vampires desperately hungry for an immortal nourishment that never comes.  Thus, the root of our problem is SELFISH GREED, beecause we truly can not get enough in this ill-fated relationship.  And this greediness is supported by a violent, war-mongering cultural more and ethic.  

MEN, YOU MUST WAKE UP AND RECLAIM YOUR VIBRANT, HEALTHY, SOULS.  And, WOMEN, YOU TOO MUST ARISE FROM YOUR SLUMBER AND TAKE BACK THESE POWER~FULL, LIFE CREATING BODIES.  If you're chasing after money, you're not awake.  Period.  If you're chasing after the workout in order to maintain a boyish frame of lines and no curves then you're not awake.  Period.

Yes, we're all conscious beeings, of course, but we are not all conscientiousness.  Beecause Waking Up Hurts, it means acknowledging that this shit sucks (no matter how much gratitude you cultivate, or how much feigned 'happiness' you practice with spiritual materialism purchases.)  We need to start collectively feeling our anger and quit demonizing those of us who have long been in touch with TRUTH.  AND ONE TRUTH IS THAT WE'RE NOT POWERLESS TO CHANGE ANY OF THIS - this is the biggest illusion of all.  We just have to simply decide to bee honest with ourselves, first and foremost, and then commit to the discomfort of transformation and change.

So, quit with the entertainment - the bobbing and weaving like preposterous cocks clueless to the reality of our planet now and quit with the petty jealousy while competing for scraps.  NOW IS THE TIME TO RECLAIM OUR HUMANITY.  Otherwise, we beecome like our disembodied, machine-like parent.  
We're counting on YOU ~ we need U.S.

GRANDMA, take ii

The first time Grandma and me danced was in the spring of 2010 right here in Encinitas.

A Native American Shaman, who smoked rolled cigarettes like a chimney and whose personality was just as brusk and gruff as his character traits, was our Ayahuasquero for the night.  Like him, his magical blend of medicine was potent and harsh.  All I needed that evening was the first - a single - dose (which looks like a shot of dark sludge smoothie in a cup). 

I recall drinking it and feeling a wave of nausea rise up in my belly.  I cajoled myself to drop deeply into my breath as I slumped with my head on my chest against a wall.  Slow inhalations slowly shot me out of the Earth's atmosphere and far into the Cosmos.  My stoic facade - walls built from a lifetime's fear of beeing judged - broke open and, for hours, copious tears rolled down my face as snot dripped from my nose.

At first, I did not have any emotional attachment to this deep purging - it was simply a cleansing of my BodyMind of a few decades worth of stored grief and trauma.  Simultaneously, fantastic visions of myself in space craft passing over the Earth as well as dug down deep within the Earth's cavernous womb passed before my eyes.  And, I knew then that "It all just is..."  Eventually, however, I gave way to the sobs that wanted to come forth.  I crawled (not beecause I couldn't walk, but beecuase I was beeing gentle and considerate of my peers around me who were engaged within their own quiet, internal healing) over to a peer who was also participated in that night's ceremony.  A soft woman who unconditionally loved a shared brother of ours back into his powerful sexuality, I sat beefore her and grieved.  Back then, I knew not why.

This experience was so profoundly healing that, in the months that followed, I found myself unusually committed to a daily practice of early morning meditation.  I reveled in a heightened state of well beeing and awareness and I felt no desire or need for another such experience.  And, later that year, a partner and I opened our first community center and healing space located in downtown San Diego.  It was this experience that awoke me to my connection to the HONEY BEE, while hastening me further along on my path as a Medicine Woman.  

In the Prosperity Hive, we had an Ayahuasquero from South America, and his bi-lingual, American wife, offer their gentle medicine on a summer night.  In the summer of 2011, I was chomping at the bit for Grandma's Medicine - I "needed" her to help me find discipline.  Sitting in the pitch black of the Hive at the top of the Art Building, I waited, and waited and waited for a "trip" to arrive.  My mind, like a nest of busy bees buzzing on and on and on, hankering for a reprieve and, yet, all that came was a voice from deep down inside of me.  "What you are seeking is inside of you," it said.  "Humph," my ego whined, even as my inner wise woman always knows TRUTH when she experiences it. 

Last year, I invited this same loving healer and his wife back to my then home, a collective house in a vibrant neighborhood of downtown, to once more offer his soothing relief.  Prior to their visit, I bathed myself in intention for the evening's ceremony.  I was calling in a transformation in my life - tired of beeing ill at ease where money and my profession are concerned, I sat with my desire for a SHIFT.  Exhausted from a night beefore spent dancing a loved One's birthday in while he shared his groovy tunes at a Pacific Beach bar, I once more found myself anxiously waiting for the first round of Grandma's Medicine to pass while I sat expectantly, experiencing not a "magical carpet ride" but, rather, annoyance about the loud music pouring out of the church across the street and the sounds of my roommate's shoes clomping across the upstairs wooden floors.

However, when I shot that second round of sludge down my throat, I knew that Grandma had heard my prayers.  Drifting off between consciousness and a semi-sleeping state, I was awakened by the sound of what can only bee described as the power going out to the house.  I awoke with a start, coming back into an upright, seated position, feeling jolted and as though I had to take care of "the issue."  It took a few moments for me to realize that we didn't need the electricity on, for we were sitting in the dark with candles lit and real instruments accompanying the soulful voice of our Ayahusaquero as he sang his haunting Icaros.  And then it dawned on me, what I heard and felt, wasn't outside of me ~ it was within.  My internal poles had shifted.

For the remainder of that round, I swayed and I cried and I held myself as I was visited by numerous visions.  The most telling was an image of me wrapping a blue ribbon around and around the planet as well as through time, as I bound the Medieval era and its noxious normalization of violence as 'entertainment' into a firm bundle.  I then drew it to my chest, and held and rocked it like a Mama to her crying baby.  This is when I felt the hands of Quan Yin, the Bodhisattva of Divine Compassion, guiding us forward - encouraging me to understand that what this now calls for as a sustainable and just way forward is this deep space of Feminine LOVE and FORGIVENESS.  It's our only HOPE and path.