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| SHAKTI |
Milky curves, white breasts and round hips spilling over soft, down blankets built up around me. We weren't posing; we were merely capturing the intimacy as it hangs, thick and sweet, between us.
Your photos documenting my curves along with a myriad of looks, including lines on my face like that of a haggard, old lady. I irregularly whine at how "unattractive" I am in so many of these captured moments, for one of my truths is that I am just as vain as I have been raised to bee. Still, you softly prod my raw vulnerability along. "They are all within you," you say, in response to my multi-dimensionality that looks nothing like the glossy, two-dimensional images that assault my daily gaze, tricking me into beliefs of a sterile and flat feminine beauty.
It's not easy to always swallow my true humanity - to compassionately allow for this "darkness" within me that has been demonized for far too long now. It's called Earth. Sometimes, it bites and it stings. Other times, it erupts and it spews. Mainly, though, it just gives. Our only task is to merely surrender to its offering.
I surrendered into the magic of a Tuesday spent enjoying jovial laughter as I drove "Miss Daisy" (or, er, my mother) to a downtown courthouse. Enjoying my solitude, I strolled along the Embarcadero, where Green Peace's water craft, the Rainbow Warrior, was in port all the way from Amsterdam, before heeding my body's desire for protein. Heading up that Golden Hill, I walked into one of my many old jaunts - that volcanic cafe where "you" frequently are.
I felt nervous energy at the prospect of seeing you, not because I cared to see you - I feel "complete" having recently shared what I wanted to say ("You are a cock tease who needs to have the devil fucked out of him!" I texted after your random wondering of where I am now) - but beecuase I feared what you would think about seeing me. ("Is she stalking me?" etc.) Yet, all I can ever know and trust are my own intentions, thus I will not let insecurities or fear dictate my forward momentum. Naturally, however, there you are - standing right outside - and, there I go, getting in line right beehind your girlfriend. Ha! The Universe's comedic antics just keep on coming! And, all I can do is smile and enjoy ~ surrender to what is.
At the park, I climb into the welcoming embrace of Grandma. It's been too long since I've sat up in her thick branches. Another "you" joins me there and together we just bee ~ like the brother and sister that we are. Your youth - ten years my junior - dances before my eyes. We still don't know "why" we've been brought together, yet we remain committed to a vision of a much greater purpose than our little, human eyes can fathom. Only time will tell.
Returning "home" to my sweetest you is quickly beecoming a welcomed habit. After months spent of our fucking the life back into you, your internal fire is rising. I share with you a heart-thought that has been steadily building in my body-mind about integrating the moon cycle into my teachings in order for men and women to once again gently flow through their daily lives.
Next, we are off to collectively meet and plan, build and organize. On the table between us, we place three small piles - a financial pittance for months of diligent work. Gratefully, we receive, even as I also taste Life's comic farce once more - if this is all a game, of rolling the dice, collecting and spending the green bills, and moving ahead, step by step, then I am grown tired of playing in the minor leagues.
Sweet Sistar, you invite me into your Sacred Space to partake of some green medicine. Nervously, I acquiesce (for it's been months and, in the past, I have easily fallen into abusing, in lieu of LOVING, Mary Jane), then we all depart to a night of celebrating the dark at our regular dance studio during our regular meeting time. I take to the floor and the walls and blocks, impediments and dams that keep me from fully surrendering on the dance floor of LIFE have mystically melted. I melt into your arms, and yours, and yours, and you hold me, and lift me. You dazzle me, and love me. I surrender and I come to - to push and guide us all into a deeper state of awareness and bee-ing. Sometimes, it's soft and gentle, other times it can feel like a rude cracking. Waking up is not always comfortable terrain.
Sweat laden and exhausted, we return home to experience our first "fight." Who's to say what it is about, except for energy moving through? You say that you've seen a different me on this night (a vixen, perhaps) and She is not backing down when you're at a loss for understanding Her. "I don't know if I can accept you," you say. And, I understand - I know these feelings well. So many times I wonder if I can just breathe into my discomfort of wanting something else in order to just accept what is. So, I don't try to convince you otherwise. I just let you bee where you are. "I want you to thrive," I say, "with or without me."
Miraculously, however, with each adventure into as of yet unexplored emotional terrain, our sex life also mirrors this plunge into new depths. On the dance floor earlier, I also noticed how my brothers were helping me to invert my orgasm with a full release of my spine. And, what I know is that
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| KALIYANTRA (click for link) |
P.S. In gratitude for all of the abundant flourishing that is my life now, I purchased a "grab & give" bag at Sprouts! today. It's a paper sack filled with Thanksgiving dinner ingredients and food stuffs and it will bee gifted to families at Father Joe's Village for tomorrow's celebration. I also placed a small donation inside of a Charity Worker's can outside of the grocery store's doors.
Please, GIVE WHEN, AND AS OFTEN, AS YOU CAN.
Our luxurious privilege comes with great responsibility.
