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| Me with you in my belly at 5 months! |
My Dearest Sun,
You've surpassed the 5.5 pound marker and are now bigger than a cantaloupe and a pineapple.
You're a little watermelon, learning to seed himself!
As for me, some people look at me and exclaim, "You're ready to pop!"
but I assure them that I am not. In fact, I am quite content carrying you for another six weeks,
even though life is a bit more laborious these days.
I'm again finding sleep elusive as I toss and turn and swelter in this summer heat. Last week, it took me a few days to adjust to your extension up and into my chest, where my internal organs are currently located, so I was short of breath and exhausted. And, last night, it felt as though my palms and the soles of my feet were on fire!
Still, with the discomfort, I revel in ease. My life is a breeze. I have Mama Ocean to jump into, a lovely nest where your Father and I keep churning the flames of transformation and where fans turn overhead, as well as an amazing community - both at work where the AC abounds and among our Soul Family, a diverse group of humans who continually gift us the hands-me-downs we need for the first few years of your life.
We are all so ready and eager to meet you.
Someday, if you find yourself preparing for Fatherhood alongside a burgeoning woman, I know that you will attend to her with great care - by rubbing her feet after a day's hard work while talking to your growing child in her womb. I trust that you will choose a woman who is both strong and vulnerable, who will let you see all of her while she also willingly, and without complaint, shoulders her fair share of life's trials and tribulations.
I am so grateful for your Father. He is the perfect man to teach you about gentleness and compassion, about forgiveness and non-judgement. From him, you will learn how to balance your warrior strength and wisdom.
We will teach you by modeling behavior for you. We will provide you with the priorities of life - healthy food, warm shelter and an expansive education - but we will not give you things. It will bee your job to earn the things you desire. You may not initially agree with us on this, however we will empower you with the skills you need to bee able to create for yourself whatever you want. The imperative and motivation will bee up to you. More than anything, we will raise you to know that you are merely a part of the whole - you are not the center of the Universe.
We will make mistakes, and I hope that you can forgive me (and us) for all of them. We're just human - your Dad and I - doing the best we can to learn from our past, evolve into our future and bee present in this here and now.
Yesterday, I finally came to understand the meaning of "getting one's body back after baby." For so long, it seemed like all it meant was about how a woman loses the weight and gets back to "skinny" (which is the supposed ideal.) I've now physically grown to a place where my underwear rolls away from my bump and my breasts, which sit plump on top of my full belly, sweat profusely and can emit a smelly funk from underneath them. It's so strange!
Your daily hiccups reverberate in my pelvic bowl (which is so darn cute) and, now, when you move in my womb, I can see your body pressing into me as my stomach undulates like a ripple across a lake. It's so weird!!!! So, although I am in no rush, the prospect of having my "body back" - of beeing able to dance my dance (which intimately involves the floor) and to move uninhibitedly - is a refreshing thought.
Throughout my pregnancy, I have held firm to my intention for this experience, which was to use the local health clinic for a majority of my prenatal care and then transfer into the hands of an experienced Mid-Wife. My intention has been to not birth you in a hospital, but rather in a nurturing environment conducive to the Feminine Way. Trusting that this would happen, I simply kept moving forward, day by day.
And, the Universe responds accordingly.
A Birth Center, called the "Tree of Life" (which alludes to the interconnection of all life on our planet and serves as a metaphor for common descent in the evolutionary sense), just opened up around the corner from our apartment and one of it's birthing spaces is even called the "Moon Room." Synchronicity, indeed! The lead Mid-Wife has 30+ years experience dancing around the San Diego birthing scene. We also have an old family friend of your father's, a woman who was a decades-long Mid-Wife herself, stepping in to serve as my Doula.
My intention for our Labor Day in 6+ weeks is to work up to the night before your due, then go to Dance Church where I will dance and sway in the continuing opening of my cervix. We can walk to Tree of Life from there (or, our apartment). The welcoming shadows of the Moon Room will greet us, where I will climb into the coolness of the birthing tub and go deep into a meditative trance. Of course, all of this is purely intention - I remain open to whatever the Universe has in store.
Without complaint or ill will, we will take each moment as it comes, breath by breath - just as we intend to model Life for you.
We're almost there, and I can't wait to hold you,
Your Mama
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| Your Papa has the best, most vulnerable smile! |
