Tuesday, January 31, 2012

I Allow All Things to Exist in Their Own Way ~ Including Me

Yes, indeed.

For too long, I chased after some elusive perfection where I was always "better:"
more appealing to the eye;
nicer to those around me;
more successful at making money and having nice things;
etc.

For too long, I sought to "improve" others around me:
to have them be more compassionate to themselves;
to "teach them" how to give love (Ha!);
to "show them" the error of their ways (Double Ha!).

For a lifetime, I've thought that I wanted to "change" the world.
That this planet was somehow
bad,
lacking,
impure and in need of desperate improvement.
Yes, there is always room for growth
AND,
maybe,
everything is exactly as it should be.
Maybe,
perfection exists - now -
if I simply allow it to,
in ME
in YOU
in US
in this spinning kaleidoscope of light and form,
of shadow and motion,
even with all of our individual and collective frailty and weakness,
in our horror and cruelty,
in its darkness and death.

Because one fact is that I have been fortunate to travel the world and
in my experiences as a lone woman in her mid-20s, I tasted far more
generosity and love than popular myth would have you believe.
The propaganda of "the murder capital of the world" (Johannesburg, South Africa)
receded into the ether as I strolled its war-torn streets, alone at night.

("Alone, at night?" my mother cringes, as you, perhaps, question my risk taking.
"I'd rather die exploring the world than trapped in a car (as too many Americans do indeed perish) while making a distracted commute to a job that does not feed my Soul, any day," is always my response.)

Yes, bad things happen.
However, what if "bad luck" was simply a lens through which we viewed life?
What if this now were perfect: this now of not knowing what is to come next?
This now of anxiousness, of lack of awareness, of doped up on caffeine and maxed out on pop culture?  This now of over inundated and underwhelmed; of stressed out and confused; of lost and lonely?  What if?

On My Projections

I thought that my wounded feminine was a source for continued inquiry yet, what I tapped into this weekend is that it is actually my wounded masculine that needs to be spoken of and released.  I've been unfair - wanting a masculine counterpart to ride in and save me, seeking for him to claim what is rightfully his - even as I have been honest.  This is what all women want. 

I shared with a brother last night how vital it is that he listen to his heart.  "Don't give her an opportunity to contemplate whether or not your relationship is more than platonic," I advised.  "Grab her and kiss her!" I told him.  One of my favorite men is so good at doing this, even if he isn't sustainable with what follows.  It's this acting from his Divine Masculine impulse that I would bottle up and sell for millions of dollars, if I could.  Words complicate.  Chemistry conveys.  And, if she says "No," then at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you did indeed try.  You'll move on, continuing to listen to your heart and responding to your instinct when the opportunity presents itself.

When you don't do this, when you allow yourself to engage in a meeting of lips that doesn't really speak to your essence, then this is when you hurt us.  When you don't actively pursue, it cuts deeply.  So, this is what we women want and, yes, it is this simple.  There is no outlandish story of how we want it soft and cuddly or hard and driving.  Yes, we want all of that and we want you to claim us - to take what is rightfully yours.    

This time now, however - this time of 2012 and Black Water Dragon - isn't about the same gender stereotypes that have kept us separate for so long.  Rather, it is about each of us integrating the Divine Masculine as well as the Divine Feminine within our own selves.  So, this weekend, I looked into that burning fire of transformation and I touched my sadness.  I felt how I have not been riding in and truly saving myself.  I have not been staking my territory in terms of how I claim my worth in this world.  Instead, I have been behaving cowardly, by hiding behind a childish mask of dependence.  I have been afraid of my own deep roar and animal power for too long.  It's time I unleash this beast.   

On True His~teria

The fires of transformation are burning.I spent this past weekend looking into them, feeling the sadness that remains and then releasing this past while intending for a bright future.

A Tribal Convergence gathered hundreds of evolutionaries from across North America
together here in San Diego County.  It began with Gender Alchemy where I stood in a circle with other women, during which we were encouraged to let go of all that no longer serves ourselves, one another and our planet.  During the week prior to this, I had witnessed myself passionately proclaiming to an other - who brought up how women can be catty and competitive with each other - that this is not how I move through the world. 

I love my sisters, all of them.  You are all gorgeous, talented and brilliant.  It is an honor to stand beside you and claim you as my own, "My women!"  My friends.  My confidantes.  When I do experience fleeting moments of envy (which, for me, always boils down to my own insecurities re. work and business) then I immediately recognize that I am feeling inept with how I am showing up in the world. 

When I was in my early 20s, I moved through a very painful process in which I realized that I had sacrificed my affable, easy-going way of bee-ing in the world for how I physically appeared.  The gaze of the male became a commerce - a sexual economy - and the more attention I received, the more "power" I thought I also wielded.  I was quite angry to recognize how wrong I had been.  So, I let it go and I haven't looked back since.  Who I am is not measured by how I physically appear in the world.  Rather who I am is measured by the amount of love that I continually offer and receive.  

So, last week, after expressing my convictions to this other, I found myself desiring to convey it to all of my sisters.  Then, the opportunity presented itself.  Into the imaginary fire burning at the center of our circle, my powerful voice bellowed: "I release the gaze of the male as the lens through which I value my self worth."  As we collectively purged lifetimes and centuries of trauma and abuse, I held ground while a number of my sisters dropped to the Earth in fantastic convulsions of release.  Their tears breaking open the dams to their hearts.  When they came to, they looked into my eyes and, together, we tapped back in to our purity - to innocence and joy and to the place that is untouched by all of the true his-teria that ensues when we allow our natural-born worth to be diminished by a gaze.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

On the Healing of Our Shared Divinity (& taking back something I've said previously)

So, I am announcing to the Universe what my heart wants....
I want to be Saved.
By God, yes (though not so much by "Jesus Christ" as in a born-again kind of way). 
By the Sun, a Son - a masculine counterpart.

Because I'm done pretending that I have it together.
I don't.
I'm finished playing the strong, self-assured, know-it-all role.
I'm none of these things.
I'm just this frail human bee-ing,
whose weaknesses desperately need to be filled by the strengths of others.

I made a mess of my life with all of that anger.
It's wreaked havoc and, yet, its miraculous what I've been able
to sew together from its aftermath.  In my re-discovery of HOPE,
I've also been reclaiming my essence, which is LOVE.

So, lately, I've been telling my girlfriends that I'm ready for my night in shining armor.
That he'll gallop in and stake his rightful claim to the throne.  With the clarity of vision to see that in his powerfully taking what is rightfully his, he fulfills his passionate purpose, as well as his natural-born desire to sow his seeds of global love. 

I want the Brad Pitt to my Angelina, the winning coach to my star quarterback.
Because I don't have this - not alone.  None of us do.  

On the Wounding of My Divine Feminine

Did it begin in utero?  When my mother's anger began to eat away at her but she, like a sturdy twinkie, is resilient in her fortitude, even after these past thirty-five years.
Perhaps, it was seeded with my brother's physical torture - of holding my sister's mouth & nasal passages closed while sitting on her chest?
It very well could be a result of my father's emotional unavailability, of how he checked out of our day-to-day either through his business travels or through the beer bottle.

Maybe, it was the civil war that was playing out on the planet when, body after body of, American & Vietnamese men were burned with napalm and riddled with bullet holes?
It could have began when I noticed the North County ecosystem that I cherished spending my time upon was being eaten away by big mechanical rigs in large bites.  "Hraumph," says a hungry machine.  (Even then, I acted.  I created my own survey that asked my neighbors what they thought of the "development" and went door-to-door in my neighborhood on Ridge Road.)

Then, there was all the fear - of being physically punished for my "misdeeds."  Hair pulling; mouth washing (with soap scraped against teeth); belt beatings; and, even, threats for loving my black boyfriend.  I have hid in bathrooms, among other places.

Perhaps, it was the observation that, "Wow!  What I look like and how I look is important to the social caste system that I either get to or don't get to move within."  I was twelve years old, and I let a female peer slap me right across the face during lunch because she was more "popular" than me.

With the coming of age and into my body, however, the tables turned - over night, my economic worth rose.  Slamming in all the right places, highly sought after and ridiculously aware of it all, I became addicted to my confusion of love as attention - the more I received, the more I wanted.  Yet, I knew how to take attention, but I didn't know how to give love.

Contracting, and pulling in, I observed how my freedom and ease, my innocence and joy - my silly dorkiness - became bottled up.  Contained.  Suppressed.  Filtered.  Censored.  Accommodating.  Worried.  Nervous.
But I looked damn good.  ; )

Then, arriving into a new school & a new city, surrounded by new people, and I found myself not being able to engage & really connect on a heart level.  Afraid of what they thought, & how I looked, I couldn't just relax and bee.  So, I pulled in some more by writing and drawing in the comfort of my own space.  And, I recognized that I had given away so much by not being who I was for so long.  Who was I? 

Who am I?
Who am I?

Who am I outside of the gaze of the male?

I cut off all of my hair - a rebellious response to what I felt was gender pressure and societal norms, especially for this big-haired beauty.  And, I observed more of the movement of the world around me.  I noticed how my own insecurities were deeply rooted in how I appeared.  I became angry.  I became friends with lesbians - shaved headed mamas that I shared Ani DiFranco concerts and sweet companionship with.  I continued to emotionally eat and the fat I put on my body became another layer between myself and the others I continued to shield myself from. 

My anger grew thick, and without any outlets in which to release its heavy burden, it began to suck my Spirit dry.  It grew in magnanimous proportions especially as, everywhere I looked - at billboards and pop culture, in my neighborhood and in my county, the injustices were rife and staggering.  The insanity of a world gone mad was overwhelming.  I couldn't just bee within it - I had to fight my own illusory battle until I was nearly decimated from the inside out. 

My teetering on the brink of emotional, physical and financial well-being, shook me out of my stupor.  The obvious finally dawned clear as day, like a brilliant sunrise.  I could continue to focus on what doesn't work or I could choose to bee-lieve in what has been inside of me all along.  Who I have always been, outside of the swirling chaos and the deep sadness, is LOVE.  Pure.  Vibrant.  Innocent.  Joyful.  LOVE, Sweet Love.

And, like Ani sings, "I'm not angry anymore."




 "Angry Anymore" by Ani D.

growing up it was just me and my mom
against the world
and all my sympathies were with her
when i was a little girl
but now i've seen both my parents
play out the hands they were dealt
and as each year goes by
i know more about how my father must have felt

i just want you to understand
that i know what all the fighting was for
and i just want you to understand
that i'm not angry anymore
i'm not angry anymore

she taught me how to wage a cold war
with quiet charm
but i just want to walk
through my life unarmed
to accept and just get by
like my father learned to do
but without all the acceptance and getting by
that got my father through

night falls like people into love
we generate our own light
to compensate
for the lack of light from above
every time we fight
a cold wind blows our way

but we learn like the trees
how to bend
how to sway and say

i, i think i understand
what all this fighting is for
and baby, i just want you to understand
that i'm not angry anymore
no, i'm not angry anymore

Sunday, January 22, 2012

MAKING HONEY

We Don't Know What's to Come & We Celebrate Anyway (photo: Sabrina Lugo)

As I've already written here, RadSab - a new, sweet friend who reminds me a bit of a best friend I made as a freshman in college and who re-discovered her gift for music in the Prosperity Hive - loves to talk about visiting the Hive ("your dojo," she calls it) and how we "make honey" within its nurturing, yellow walls.  Honey is a primal liquid and a food substance that never goes bad - like LOVE.  Love is a funny thing.  I (and we) write and talk about it a lot.  Yet, there is no way to "know" what it is.  It just is - like Bees just Buzz.  They aren't forcing their ways upon the flowers.  They are simply doing what they were put here to do.   

What they do has provided humankind with richness for over 30,000 years.  PROSPERITY has been equated with the Honeybee for millennium.  Yet, PROSPERITY is different from abundance.  PROSPERITY is a Balance of taking just what we need and leaving the rest for others or for the natural cycles of life and death to take their course.  PROSPERITY isn't a talking point.  It's a real way of Bee-ing in the world, and it requires motion 

It also requires a palpable change in our value system - it means that we have and consume less while we make and celebrate more!  It's a simple shift in thinking and do-ing that I hedge my bets on - because EVERYONE WANTS IT!

We want it because at the Root of Sustainability lies Relationship.  Our relationship to and with ourselves, first and foremost.  
Me?  I have to spend a lot of my time singing, dancing, painting, writing, reading, reflecting, talking, sharing, hugging, in community, playing & more, just to feel somewhat healthy.  (Otherwise, my Spirit grows withered & parched.)   

I also need to do this in relationship with the Earth - running and jumping from her rocks to her streams, diving in her ocean, soaring in her skies, observing her bounty, learning from her cycles.  And, I need to do this in relationship with others.  You know how that looks - we're playmates for one another along this great journey called life and we are also mirrors for each other.  We want to KNOW LOVE and TOUCH GOD, so we reach out.  Yes, it is really quite this simple.  Let's just do what we were put here to do.     

Shiny, Happy People DANCING (photo: D. Lint)

Celebrating One Year of the Prosperity Hive

YES!  We Are Here.  We Are Now.  We Are San Diego!
It's been a time of grand successes and big failures, too (they are coming hand-in-hand these days, which has everything to do with my own actions and how their ripple affect is immediately applied to my life).  As a member of the bird clan, I can sometimes have my head too often caught up above the clouds.  Soaring about the minutia of life, I savor the extensive vista as the wind breaks on my beak.  The view is phenomenal and I can spy the tiniest of motion from afar.  However, I can also forget about the small details, and the little baby steps, that are necessary in true movement forward.  Case in point: I never envisioned that having a space to do my work out of was integral to my path.  Thank God for Shakti!  She came along and asserted just that (though, without meaning to.)  Hence it is how the Prosperity Hive came into Bee-ing.  Of course, the metaphor is all mine.  And, I've been discovering along the way, just what my work is - it's far more expansive than even I imagined. 

And so it has been one year in downtown San Diego, providing a gathering space where people from all walks of life & ideology can come together to Sing their Heart Songs and to re-member how to just Bee Free.  WOW!  Thank Goddess in every moment for such a divine blessing!  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  I receive.  And, it's work too - maintaining sacred space requires a lot of energy and motion.  I am also still learning how to be SUSTAINABLE - because, if you recall, I officially announced that I am holding myself up as a model of unsustainability.  It's why I talk about it so much.  Yes, I'm faking it until I make it.  Why not?  (Join me.)
 
Todo Mundo also played at our first business launch party on 01/15/11

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Spiritually Seeking

I'm not a spiritual person.
I don't consider myself in the camp of the shit that New Age girls say.
I'm just kinda me - always have been.
Until I hear myself speak about karma and energy and then I laugh,
"Ha!  Right.  There's the spiritual in me."
And I'll see myself in-joying my brother-in-law poking fun with his
off-the-cuff comments.  "Go align your Chakras or something," he teases.
Most of the time, I'll wiggle my head, and I'll giggle.
It's Just FUN.
All of it.
This now.

Once upon a time, I thought I was caged.
I felt like Spirit confined within skin and bone.
Chicava Honeychild challenged me though.
"You're not trapped," she chided.
"This IS the party, Cara!"
Then, I couldn't feel it.
Weight pressed upon my then narrower chest as so much
suffering ensued.  I spent too long not listening.
To what my heart had to sing, first and foremost.


Once upon a time, I sought
a renewed, better me.  A deeper, more fulfilled,
more disciplined Self.  I traveled the world.  Read all the books.
I spent too many years in contemplation and reflection.
Dozens of books scrawled with my chicken scratch bear testament.

I felt empty and lacking.  I looked all over
for what has always been here
in my backyard
and within
my home, my bodymind,
this SoulSpirit.

Searching for an out - for a way outside of myself to connect back in to myself.
And, over the past nine years, the answers that keep coming back are
"Dig Deeper.
ROOT Deeper.
Here.  Now.
This Is It.
Nothing more.  Nothing Less.

Can you live with this?"

YES!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Acceleration is Here

Breathe.
Move.
Go
Forward.

Breathe.
Breathe, some more.

The lessons that are learned must now
be integrated.
There is no more
space between, no more lag time between
the learning and the embodiment.
Breathe.
Move Forward.
Go!
Now.

Once upon a time
years would pass
sometimes even a decade
when the invaluable advice,
and the sage wisdom
taught was finally
learned.
Go.
Now.
Breathe.

Once upon a time,
I was someone else.
Now go
breathe.
Now I no longer know who the
person typing this is.
Move
Forward.
Breathe.

She still looks like me - kinda.
And she remains over-zealous
and hearty with laughter.  Yet
she's someone else altogether.
She's unfolding, continually
in every moment.
Move Forward.  breathe.
She's Trusting
that this is IT
and that she is perfect - even "if."
Go.
forward.  breathe.

She's flowing and following,
pursuing and allowing.  She's unrwapping
and unveiling, peeling back the layers of all that
had been hidden.  Revealing her splendor.
Her essence - hidden in dust.
It burns.
With LOVE.

Go
forward.
MOVE.
breathe.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

BEE~lieving in Harmony for ALL of US

Amy, pregnant with Padwa, & Paige at La Milpa Organica, 2010

Plight of the Honeybee
(as published in CityBeat, April 2011)

Your story on Malaki Obado’s Asali Honey was the most important article in your April 13 Food Issue, yet it missed many crucial points.

We have the hard-working honeybee to thank for every third bite of food we eat. Cross-pollination helps at least 30 percent of the world’s crops to thrive, and more than $15 billion a year in U.S. crops are pollinated by bees, including apples, berries, almonds and more. However, the U.S. honeybee population has been experiencing colony collapse disorder (CCD). In other words, our much-needed honeybee is dying off due to a loss of habitat, malnutrition and the use of toxic pesticides. Albert Einstein himself once surmised that when the honeybee disappears, human civilization has only four more years left to live.


Also missing from the Food Issue was critical information pertaining to food security. Food purchased at most conventional grocery stores (Albertsons, Vons, etc.) travels upwards of 1,500 miles. Everyone can relate to feeling the pinch at the gas pump these days. With analysts estimating $6 gallons this summer, we will finally begin to feel the true cost of food. Food isn’t cheap, and oil is not an infinite resource. What happens when we can no longer afford the gasoline to fly old food from agro-industries located in South America, Africa and elsewhere?


Rather than sit around to find out, we can buy locally grown and organic food from local farmers. Purchase a weekly community supported agriculture (CSA) box from one of San Diego’s family farms, such as JR Organics (jrorganicsfarm.com) or Suzie’s Farm (suziesfarm.com). Chock full of fresh produce, one box can feed a family of four for as little as $34 a week, while students or individuals can band together for a half-box. You can even grow your own food in containers. For hands-on learning, City College has a sustainable ag program (seedsatcity.com) partially taught by one of San Diego’s most humble beekeepers, or you can dig in and volunteer at Wild Willow Farm (sandiegoroots.org). For the carnivores out there, Sage Mountain Farm (sagemountainbeef.com) has created a beef CSA. Composed of locally raised cattle that is fed greens (versus grains) and is hormone-free, it’s the healthiest, most delicious alternative. Best of all, by implementing these small steps in your day-to-day, you are helping to preserve the homes—as well as the lives—of the vital American honeybee.


Cara H. Cadwallader,
creative director and founder,
The Prosperity Hive,
East Village


JOIN US THIS WEEKEND FOR
HONEYFEST SAN DIEGO 
and let's build toward a harmonious world for ALL of US to Buzz Around In.

Malaki at the Cultivating Food Justice Conference, 2010




Wednesday, January 11, 2012

HONEYFEST SAN DIEGO (I'm really enamored with this event)


HoneyFestSD Jan 13,14,15 - Invitation from Brian Hedden on Vimeo.

On this sweet lil' blog o' mine, one of the postings that has received the most views is entitled "True Sustainability: The Soil of Our Soul Gardens" and it basically reveals an epiphany I had, at that time, about how our ability to endure is deeply related to each other.  It's the only way forward and the only way that we will survive - together.  So, I am really excited about this weekend's HoneyFest here in San Diego because it is an embodiment of exactly this.

I became an active member of the local sustainable agriculture movement in '09 and, the following year, I joined the Cultivating Food Justice Conference planning committee.  The CFJ event asserts that healthy, sustainable food is necessary for our planet and our lives, yet it is quickly becoming a hardship for people to afford and find.  Thus, it is a forum for the community to mobilize, educate, and inspire. Workshops, speeches and discussions center around issues as far ranging as The Farm Bill, DIY fermenting and canning, turning your lawn into a vegetable garden, identifying edible native plants, migrant farm workers’ rights, how to live and eat more sustainably in your daily life, and much, much more.  And, this is how I met and became familiar with Amy Lint and Malachi Obado, the founders of the local non-profit Grow Strong that this weekend's festival is benefitting.

Malachi is originally from Kenya, where he and Amy met when she was living and working there as a Peace Corps volunteer.  Since then, they relocated back to San Diego where Amy, along with the International Rescue Committee, helped to create the New Roots Community Farm.  An urban gem in City Heights, San Diego's center for refugee populations, New Roots illuminates the harmony that can ensue when people of all walks of life come together to build forward.  The First Lady even visited this farm when she launched her "Let's Move" campaign for solving the problem of childhood obesity last year. 

I have had the distinct pleasure of knowing Amy and Malachi, as well as considering them part of my large, beloved community, for the past year and a half.  Brian Hedden, who created our invitational video above, asked me how I came to be a part of the HoneyFest planning committee.  My answer was simple.  "Amy called me," I responded.  And, this is it in a nutshell.  Sustainability is all about Relationship - our relationships to and with each other, first and foremost. 

So, I am hoping to BEE with YOU this weekend.  With an UnBEElievable Program that looks like this:

WE'RE CELEBRATING ALL THINGS BEE RELATED & YOU'RE INVITED!!!
As you know, the HoneyBee plays a crucial role in our world yet, their dying off and we need to change this, now.


JOIN US, SAN DIEGO, IN BUILDING TOWARDS A RE-NEWED WAY of BEE-ING
In which our beloved HoneyBee makes a dramatic comeback!

THIS FRIDAY NIGHT, 01/13 6-9PM
WE'LL BE AT RED SEA ETHIOPIAN RESTAURANT IN CITY HEIGHTS
CONSUMING PLATES FULLS OF ETHIOPIAN FOOD EATEN BY OUR HANDS WITH INJERA
AS WE SIP THE COUNTRY'S TRADITIONAL HONEYWINE & EDUCATE OURSELVES WITH THE FILM
"VANISHING OF THE BEES."   Your $10 donation on this evening supports local business as well as the local non-profit GrowStrong.

SATURDAY, 01/14 AT THE PEACE & RESOURCE CENTER
WE'RE OFFERING 2 WORKSHOPS
INTRO TO BEEKEEPING FROM 10-1PM IS ALREADY FULL
However, you can join us for a lunch of tasty bites - sambusas and tamales made locally & available for purchase - from 1-2pm
and then stay for the Honey & Herbs Cough Syrup Workshop from 2-4pm.
Please register for this $25 workshop here.

Then, on Saturday 01/14 Night from 6-10pm +
WE GONNA BUZZ in the PROSPERITY HIVE because we're celebrating the Hive's
OFFICIAL FIRST YEAR ANNIVERSARY & so much more.

Tickets are $15 at the door & include a night of art installations, local music, honey tasting & more!

Chef Jen is providing an explosion of honey-infused bites for your tastebuds at $5/plate and, of course, honey-themed drinks - like Bee Pollen Kombucha + alcoholic beverages - will also be available for purchase & for quenching your palate.

JOIN US!


6-7pm Acoustic Ambiance with Ricardo
7:15-8pm Bluegrass Git-Down w/ Mike Pope & the Big Decisions
8:30-9:15pm SDMA's World Album of the Year Award Winners
Todo Mundo
9:30-10:15 Soul Ablaze with spoken word by Gina Tang
10:30 Community Jam (All are welcome. Bring your voice, your instruments, your love & your dance!)

PLUS, there will be many secret surprises & guest appearances on this evening!
A NOT TO BE MISSED EVENT for 2012!

The Hive is also an art gallery, so come celebrate the work of local artists:
Mario Torero
Mark Jesinoski
Mario Blanco
Rich Walker
True DeLorenzo
Rory Canfield

Then, ON SUNDAY 01/15 10-4pm
BEE in the Know Festival and Vendors Bazaar
Bee-Related Vendors, Games, Events, Kids Activities, Bee Education
Support local industry and purchase all things BEE related at our BEE-zaar. Enjoy live musical performances, activities for the kids & fun for the whole family. You are also invited to join us in "buzzing" around Balboa Park like a swarm of Bees searching for their new hive throughout the day. Wear black and just show up – we'll buzz together on every hour beginning at 11 and ending at 2 p.m.
with a Natural Lip Balm and Salve-Making Workshop from 12-1pm
and then a "WHAT'S BEEYOND PANEL DISCUSSION from 2:00 to 4:00 p.m.
at Casa del Prado, Balboa Park

Why are bees dying off and what can we do about it locally? The panel will cover why Colony Collapse Disorder is occurring and how the U.S. government has responded (or failed to respond). Then we will discuss local beekeeping in San Diego and how you can get involved. We will also get an update on the changes in San Diego's laws, expected to pass this month, that will allow backyard beekeeping on a small scale. Last, we will hear about the role of beekeeping in traditional societies, and how Grow Strong is working to support that.

HOW COULD U MISS ALL THE BUZZ???????

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

(Oh, What a) Bee-autiful Dream

Right Now, 
Tuesday, January 10, 2012

It is 7am and I arise.  I've allowed myself to sleep past my internal alarm clock, for
I am tired.  Like all busy bees, there has been much vibrant activity in my life.  Thus, I am making up for some lost deep sleep as well as planning ahead and storing much needed rest. 

The dream that I just awoke from was telling and as I slowly disengage myself from it, I hear the voice of L., my past graduate school advisor, reminding me to "keep a dream journal" and to "write my dreams down."  So, I turn over on this cozy bed upon the floor, in this cave that I call my inner most sanctuary, and towards the door, where the light of the risen sun is pouring underneath as well as reflecting off of the honey-colored wood floor of the Hive's studio.  I  am grateful to find my computer laying here next to me.  "Ah, here you are," I say to it.

Laying uninterrupted on my back, I snored deeply all night.  My last & most recent dream was racked with my sobbing - deep guttural sobs.  Prior to my crying, I found myself moving sweetly with a pack of human bee-ings across Earthly terrain and through some sort of outdoor, camping experience.  A tight group of men and women, roughly all my same age, we played in child-like innocence, leading each other to laughter quickly and enjoying the sweetness of simply bee-ing together.  I delighted in experiencing their friendship as well as their deep regard and care for me.  In the dream, I remember also experiencing feelings of bee-ing in love.  It all felt so wonderful and warm.  

At our last camp, I ran around playing, swinging, jumping, and photographing with them.  Soon, it was time to leave.  Unfortunately, I negated my responsibilities as one of the two keepers of this camp.  And, as our group left, walking as one unit on to the next destination, I looked around the grass clearing we had been playing in - it was littered with random items.  We had left a mess and it was my job to clean it up - just as it had been my responsibility to maintain a balance between play and taking care while we had all been present there together.
 
Hurriedly, I began to pick up after us.  In a rush, I started gathering the hatchets and the axes, the rusted tools and random utensils.  As the time morbidly oozed by and as the recognition that the cleaning up process was going to take much longer than I hoped, I began to wail.  Deep, guttural sobbing, I mourned the loss of my friends and my not being able to join them on their continued journey.  I picked up and I cried.  I cried and I cried.  And, then I noticed something peculiar.

Hanging suspended in the air, from a wire pole, and dangling over the ground, was some sort of human-like scare-crow.  It wore the mask of a bee keeper and the shirt of a dear friend.  There were some bees moving about across its outstretched hands and its face mask. 
"Wow, that's S's shirt," I spoke to no one but me. 
"Hey Cara," he responded. 
"That is you, S?!?" I wiped at my eyes in disbelief as my crying subsided. 
"Yeah, I am doing some research on the movement (of bees).  Thus far, they've swarmed and circled around me a few times, but they haven't created a new colony yet."

Immediately, my hysteria disappeared and I was hOMe.  
TRUST, Cara.
TRUST. 
& Allow UNKNOWING.


It is all there is to do.

 

 

Sunday, January 8, 2012

It's All in a Day's Life

an internal alarm clock is my cawing rooster
before dawn, it wakes me from my restful slumber
ambling out of a black cave, my bare feet a pitter patter
on a honey-colored wood floor
a city skyline still vast asleep and i sit in the still darkness
giving gratitude, offering prayer
honoring my true self
sat nam.
a teapot is filled with fresh ginger and squeezed orange
as the amber hues of sunrise begin to illuminate an eastern horizon
words sit, awaiting the moment to be typed out
on this here computer screen
minutes tick by, and the little italy mercato beckons my
wandering feet.
sat nam
pulling up an iron chair because the teagan taylow trio is just too good
to be listened to from anywhere else but right down in front
b strolls by, and she pulls up a seat. together,
we rest in comfort and in companionship.
she is a shoulder to lean on when i need help
and i savor her advice.
he drives me back to the hive, after our working through
some recent turbulence.
it's all in a day's life.
eighty five people are gathered in my humble hOMe,
organizing clothes and eagerly awaiting marriage nuptials -
a first experience for this sacred container.
a dash for the red trolley, i meander my way toward city heights
and a cooperative home where honeycomb is boiled back down
to its waxy essence on an open flamed hearth. i touch in
and know.
sat nam.
hoping a ride back down the 94, i prepare for the arrival of a
powerful sisterhood. a meal of stone soup with root vegetables, cous cous
and edamame and black beans and brownies, we dive in to a collective
task at hand.  throwing out the past, we start fresh.  it's 2012 and there
are no limits as to what we can co-create.
i tap in and feel.
breathing into this now, i allow
that i am no longer who i once was.
i trust.
sat nam.
it's all in a day's life.
we continue to head west.  dancing in the sand of an ocean beach
under a waxing full moon before heading in to a local establishment
where the grooviest session unfolds  
and we dance like no one is watching.
LIVING THIS DAY AS IF IT WERE OUR LAST,
It's all in a day's life.

Friday, January 6, 2012

(I've Waited a Lifetime)

(i'm glad you're finally here)

bow slices across
these silent, still waters
the radiating pulse of a newly discovered, internal rhythm
plays out

swoosh swoosh

"it is what it is," some distant, wise voice beckons

rock falls
overhead
in the burning, the magnanimous mass is reduced
molten magma leaves an illuminated trail
tracing its ephemeral path across my heart
with persistence, the rubble will fall
onto this Earth
and into these liquid, primal waters
where right wrist twists, and a symmetrical oar
dives
back into a black expansiveness

swoosh swoosh

the void below
reflects and mirrors
what floats above

swoosh swoosh

a deep reverie illuminates my soul
"it is what it is," the singer sings, too

swoosh swoosh

gone is the longing, departed is the seeking
the resistance has withdrawn
now
all that remains is the bow
silently cutting its swath across
these still, San Diego waters

now
all that remains is pure surrender
and raw vulnerability
"it is what it is"

swoosh swoosh

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

"So, what's missing from your life?" the zany professor innocently inquired on a New Year's Eve eve.
"Loving," came her quick reply.
Taken aback, he responds - with his jaw agape,
"Wow!  That is not the answer I expected to hear."

And she hears herself speaking the words and she feels herself knowing that
"If you'll allow me, I just want to love you."
Without fear.  Without control.  And, even, without expectation.
Just love - pure, raw, unfiltered.
It's a choice, you know?

And she recognizes where others are and she allows them to exist as they are.
No longer pushing for an outcome.  No longer trying to force a certain result.

Just love.

And then, finally, he walked in the door.

Yes.
Just love.
Can we allow for ourselves to receive it 
becomes the question?






YES!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

On Offering Love

Greetings, take I


As an undergraduate student, I witnessed the way a sweet friend moved through the world.  Overflowing with warm, positive energy, she would toss her arms out wide & squeal with delight when she came upon the faces of her many friends, men and women both.  And I'd sit there, in my morbid apathy, wishing that I could do the same instead of remaining inert & held captive by my fear as I had done for too long.  Then, I wished for a time to come when I too could throw my hands up to the sky, beam at you full in the face and exclaim, "Thank God, you're here!  I love you."

Greetings, take II

And then came a time when my Mexican boyfriend and I would arrive into a party.  He would make the customary round of greeting every single person who was present at the event.  Acknowledging her or him with a peck on the cheek or a bump of the fist, he announced his arrival as I surreptitiously walked in behind him only to duck out of the welcoming line and quickly find a seat.  My refusal to follow suit was a simple by-product of my insecurities.  Rather than move through my discomfort of allowing for a new way of bee-ing in this world, I took the easy way out.  And, in the end, I always hurt myself more by doing so. 

Monday, January 2, 2012

Ojo de Dios (Eye of God)

We gaze at the sun
each of our pupils is reflected there.
In our (re-)Union
our souls alight with our reclamation.

You are Shiva, and I am Shakti.

Reunited after centuries too long,
of waiting and enduring
of celebrating and suffering,
we lay in a grass strewn clearing.
Grandmother Oak towers near by, shedding her leaves
upon our picnic blanket.  Brother Hawk screeches overhead,
announcing our return.  Traffic whizzes by and the wind whispers in the trees.
Their branches are dancing in the winter sky.

A future sculpture of marble and stone is now brought to life,
embodied by our very bee-ing.
Together, we give gratitude.
Together, we sing the refrains of our heart's song.
Together, we are.
At long last.

SIMPLICITY

A New Year's Intention, or two.

to ALLOW UNKNOWING

What if I don't even know "ME?"
Who, then, can I bee-come?


TRUST

If I do what I have always done, then the outcome remains unchanged.

Can I trust that my body knows what to do?
Can I tell my mind to take a back seat and enjoy the ride?
Can I open my heart and simply allow?

YES.
YES.
YES!
YES!


AND?