I have this soul mate.
Well, actually, I have many ~
because I beelieve that so many of our Souls are burning, churning & flaring,
with that same nuclear fusion that powers our Sun
(and I think it has to do with this whole, every 26,000 years, cycle that the Mayan calendar foretold).
It is important to understand though that the thing about Soul mates is not that we were
meant to bee "together forever." Rather, it is simply that in our relating, the most profound and vital life lessons for our growth and destiny unfolds. Sometimes, these experiences are sweet and fun. Other times, they are bitter and painful. Each is equally potent and powerful; neither are "good" or "bad." Learning these distinctions is tantamount.
So, I have this One soulmate and, early on, when I was waxing poetically about my connection to the initials, "C.C.C.", she responded by saying that, for her, the three C's have always represented, "CO-DEPENDENCE," "COMPULSION," and "COCKINESS." And, I was like,
"Damn, she got my number." ; )
Recently, someone was asking me why I haven't engaged in a long-term, committed relationship in four years and my response was that, in the past, I had found myself in two, unhealthy relationships because of my co-dependent habits. So, I guess I've been focusing on how to bee dependent on me.
Last night, while strolling along a post-dusk, Encinitas shoreline, I tasted the gratitude on my lips for arriving here, now. I've never felt so "alone" in my life - yet, it's an alone~ness that is spacious and full. The grasping at the hand of others out of the fear that I can't strike out on my own; the need to have another hear me just so I can 'dump' the craziness of an experience just had; and, even, the hope that someone, somewhere will bee the perfect-fit puzzle piece to get me to go and do and bee exactly the person I am meant to bee are all noticeably absent. There's no one here but me.
However, as the sounds of the surging tide engulfed my eardrums and as the orange-hued horizon faded into a gray-blue, I felt indelibly held and supported. I AM NEVER ALONE. The Universe is holding me, rocking me to and fro, like a babe in its arms. Together, we tumble, making LOVE in ease and grace, over and over again.
There is certainly uncertainty here, for my little mind can not fathom what tomorrow is to bring. I feel fear brewing at this thought. I notice it and allow it the space to just bee, for it is this feeling that keeps me on my toes, ever ready and aware. And, it seems, that all there is to do is to keep placing one foot in front of the other, striding confidently forward into the great unknown ~ trusting this ever-unfolding MYSTERY.
