Dear God,
My stomach hurts. There's a gnawing pit tearing at my innards. "Do it now," it screams. I have to listen, as I am also like a cat in heat - prowling back and forth, wanting to scratch my hair off. What is it about these minds of ours that drives us so damn crazy? I just want to bee in my body - playing, twirling, lost in abandon, innocently joyful. Instead, I am driven to channel all of this connection that swirls around and within me and damn it! It's hard. And, shit, here I am once again, typing, staying in, missing the birth of new events and the death of long-time others. I am always present in Spirit, however. I can also hear all of the judgments that seem to be forever cast in my direction. "She's just jealous..." and blah blah blah. I can feel the contraction and the constriction - the scarcity that is fighting so damn hard to keep us all so damn small. This has never been my destiny though, so on I must trudge. C. wanted to talk with me about how unsupported I feel, yet that is all just a made up story. The Universe supports me, it always has. And, regardless of what is to come, at least I will know I gave it my all. I would rather die than not try. So, here I go. And, there you are - wild and free, just like me. It's an effortless arrangement. We didn't have to "do" anything, but just show up. JUST SHOW UP.
