Two months ago, one of my absolute favorite dance partners left me a voice mail that was unapologetically pissed off. Interpreting an action of mine as personal, he communicated how hurt and upset he was. At the time, his message was received by me with a bit of a sigh, "Oh, jeez! Here's yet another nail in my coffin," was how it felt in that immediate moment. However, I found some humor in it, too, for the action he was referring to had absolutely nothing to do with him.
So, water had traveled under our bridge for the past two months, during which we had not seen or spoken to each other. Yes, it's true - I hadn't been in a rush to call him back to let him know that I wasn't meaning to hurt his feelings, either. It wasnt' that I was holding any leftover sensations about his initial voicemail, it was just that I believe time unfolds exactly as it is meant to.
Last night, I quietly arrived into our regular Tuesday night dance studio, taking my rightful space upon our shared vinyl floor while giving and receiving hugs and love from my beloved community members. Immediately, I saw him spinning and twirling various others in our community around his center axis and I knew that if I wanted to enjoy the depth of our dance then I had to simply make amends.
When the moment was opportune, we both walked towards each other and I flung my arms open wide, while exclaiming, "I'm really sorry that I hurt you with my actions." It wasn't so much that I did anything "wrong" - it never is. It is simply that someone felt hurt by my behavior. Feelings are facts and I would never try to rationalize that someone's feelings are an unreal, made-up story. They are feelings, plain and simple. And, the quickest path back to good - that is, the easiest route of non-resistance - is to simply show up and say, "Hey, I'm Sorry."
Saying "I'm sorry" doesn't cost us a dime. It doesn't take anything away from us or our personal livelihood. Saying "I'm sorry" simply means, "I care. I care about you and your feelings and I will do whatever I have to to make sure that you feel good about me in your life." Saying "I'm Sorry" are the two smallest words that travel the furthest distance. Saying "I'm sorry" is the demonstrable action behind the words, "I Love You." Love means little without responsibility.
With that, he responded with a flip of his hand, "I don't even remember why I was so pissed off," and then he swept me up into a flourish and for the next hour we danced, deeper and more balanced, than we ever have yet. We enjoyed each juicy moment as raw sensuality pulsed between us. We were above and beyond anything you will find on "Dancing with the Stars." We were two Soular Systems, drawn together by the gravity of our own great mass, and excitedly playing out an electric dance of negative and positive, light and dark, of momentum and torque, and love and pain, right here in this lifetime, now.
