Manifest: to make clear or evident, to prove beyond doubt or question.
Destiny: something that is to happen; lot of fortune; the power or agency that determines the course of events.
Since this now past summer, I have made a concerted effort to think deeply about the actions I take in my life and how I desire for them to feed me on a deep, spiritual level. In other words, I have been thinking about my own sustainability - how can I tend to the long-term garden that is my spirit? How can I water it with the blood my heart pumps and plant it with the fertile seeds that seemingly spring forth from my mind?
What I have been observing is that these seeds, when planted from an embodied conviction of clear intention, have been giving way, thus far, to the soft green stems of new life. In other words, when nurtured, my deeds and thoughts become made physically manifest in this material world. What is it that I have been manifesting, you ask?
As is everything in life, all I have been manifesting is relationships. First and foremost, I have been nurturing a deeper relationship with myself in which Tantra has played a beneficial role. In July, I became curious to explore the narrow confines of my own self-imposed "boundaries." Since then, I have been learning through small, incremental steps how I can not only hold myself accountable for my own actions and deeds (especially when no one is around to witness me) but how I can also ask for what I want. It is not necessarily that I always receive that which I desire (I most certainly do not), it is simply that I honor myself enough to ask for a response. (Thus, I most certainly honor the "No" responses, as well.)
In looking to foster this deeper connection, I have sought out local role models whom I can surround myself with. My circle of friends now includes not only members of a number of the local San Diego Tantra communities, but also Tantra gurus, polyamory advocates, and third wave feminists whose children refer to me as "auntie."
In honoring my connection with and to myself, I seek to honor my connection with and to this planet - the only home we homo sapiens have known for a hundred thousand years. Yet again, I have sought out groups, organizations, and people who can help me to better understand my Earth/body connection. I have also been actively working on integrating my growing body of knowledge into my movement practice by incorporating native mythology (of greeting the cardinal directions, for example), with some Kundalini Yoga and Qigong principles.
Last but not least, I have been seeking to manifest more intimate relationships with others. What this intimacy looks like, remains to be seen. Nonetheless, I continue to explore, push open, break through, and puncture my own misconceptions as well as the confining preconceived notions of others. Whether or not I am "successful" is irrelevant. As I am simply learning, it is all about the diligent effort and the simple task of trying.
True to form, I celebrated this now past weekend's hallowed eve by dancing in the Dia de Los Muertos sunrise at a popular warehouse venue. Untrue to my typical pattern, I found myself revolving around the same man for the majority of the evening. Recognizing that he was a soul brother whose energy and movement could rival mine on the dance floor, I allowed myself to be comforted and cared for even as I pushed myself through the discomfort of challenging some of my usual behaviors (which was quite a feat for Ms. Independent). I especially enjoyed how our comfort together created a snuggle party that numerous "strangers" felt called to join. His chosen name, by the way, is/was "Manifest."
As our planet continues to spin and as we northern hemisphere dwellers turn away from the light of the sun and towards the pitch black darkness of the shortest day of the year, I encourage you to contemplate and reflect on what seeds you want to plant in the nurturing garden of your soul this year. What flowers and plants to you hope to bloom and give birth to next summer? Now is the time - plant away my dear friends, plant away.
