Six Sweet Months Spent with You

Yellow has always been my favorite color

My Dearest Sun,

Today, we were laying on the bed together, trying to nap but really just joyfully being in each other's presence, when the thought occurred to me that, someday - when the time comes and I lay dying - I hope you will be there, at my side, and that we will joyfully revel in life and just being together once more. Right now, however, there is the task of these moments at hand: of watching you grow and expand, of witnessing your fists unfurl as you first began to pad at my breasts.

One of the first languages that your father and I taught you is that of drumming. So, at six months old, you are often tapping out a lone rhythm with the palm of your hand. Tap, tap. Pound, pound. For a while there, you were trying to spit out a word - "Blah,"Baaa," you kept trying to say. You love to smile, especially at your Papa, as you play silly and coy in some moments. In other moments, you are content to entertain yourself as you attempt to locomote across the bed or while under the mobile.

Me in 1977

What has surprised me the most about you is how you carry my maternal lineage. I am shocked by this. I wasn't expecting to look in your face and see my brother looking back at me. Or, to see your eyes in a baby photo of my mother. Sometimes, it's overwhelming knowing what has become of those most primal of relationships. Yet, here we are, gifted the opportunity of another go at it. As my midwife said to me today, "You are rewriting the story, Cara." Yes, we are. (Although many of our friends and community members see a mix of both me and your papa in you.)

Aside from the fact that I still haven't really slept yet - you don't sleep (or eat) enough - you are a sweet, easy baby. Being with you is such a joy - words can not express. Rather, what I most want for you to know is how deeply loved and cherished you are. And, really, what matters most to me is that you feel, deep down in your Soul, that you are not just Loved but that you are the embodiment of LOVE itself. There is nothing you need to do. There is no one you need to be. Love is not outside of you. You are the Source. You are LOVE. If ever you find yourself seeking it, may your journey lead you here, to these words.

My Love for You is Eternal,
Always Your Mama

That's Gripper - my favorite stuffed monkey from my childhood- at the front