BABY RISING: from winter to spring and spring to fall

I heard your heart beat
for the very first time,
a steady, sure rhythm,
of 170 beats per minute and you
caught my breath.
Catching me off guard,
waking me up to this miracle that is
You.
Your Dad was there, too
with a comforting watch over my care,
he jumped to his feet when he saw my surprised stare
at the lapping
swoosh, swoosh
of my placenta, potently punctuated
by your powerful pulse,
Cahlo.
Like an acorn finding ground,
you grow inside of me,
and with each passing day,
we track your development
from a bean to a fig,
and from a plum to a lime,
then you were a lemon and now you are the size of an apple.
Cahlo, you already bear the markings of a
sweet, nutritious fruit.
Your sister laments her missed opportunity to hear you,
"there will be time," we assure her.
And your community excitedly speaks into my barely there, baby bump,
"Welcome, little one!" they sing.
And as the seasons change,
from winter to spring,
and soon from spring to fall,
you continue to take root,
growing bigger and stronger,
a developing Oak already claiming your space,
leaning into the warmth of my womb,
while feasting on the abundance that is Me.
All too soon, you will join the towering giants of
Love and Compassion,
Wisdom and Harmony,
ready to seed a new forest.
Until then,
we await your arrival,
Cahlo.

The Root of What Is

It's an arduous task, this being human.
It doesn't matter if you're here in California,
or there in the Ukraine.  Although our circumstances
may vary greatly, what remains the same is our shared
journey of being Spirit confined to flesh and bone, part and parcel
of this planet Earth where both peace and pain are a side of the same coin.

And, I guess I've just grown tired of pretending that all is groovy
and that gratitude for what I have or meditating away all that I am malcontent about,
will be my salvation.  It won't and it isn't.

Yeah, I'm angry.
Mainly, I'm angry that I seem to be really good at putting the needs of others before me,
thereby neglecting (or negating altogether) my own very real desires.
It's a broken record that was playing in the world I grew up in long before I was born.
I call it the Great Feminine Wound.

And, I'm unhappy that I don't heed my passion or my purpose.
That I'm quick to relent, and too nonchalant to persist and push.
I'm dissatisfied that I choose the easy route and a way that has already been defined for me.
It's a cellular patterning of a deep dis-empowerment
and I call it the Great Masculine Wound.

I understand that so many of us out here
just want to focus on the beauty and the positive,
on the happiness and the pleasure,
but there is no way other way towards a harmonious Earth for all
without first churning the shit.

And, if you haven't noticed, what we've inherited here 
is Shit.

The beauty of all this waste, however,
is that by simply exposing it to the light, feeding it water, giving others the opportunity to feed off of it, and then turn, turn, turning it daily, 
it alchemizes and becomes a nutrient-dense, rich fertilizer.

BLACK GOLD it's called.

And, I invite you to join me in the compost pile!

Notes from a Rainy, Friday Night at the Tumbler

"Art is not a mirror held up to reality,

but a hammer with which to shape it."  

--Bertolt Brecht

It's uncomfortable, right?  Feeling our edges and being with them versus just pretending they're not there by avoiding them altogether.  The thing is, the only way to transform ourselves and our world is by feeling all of it and LOVING our way through it.  Sure, it doesn't make for winning a popularity contest by choosing honesty and authenticity in lieu of a masked appearance of softness and unconditional acceptance.  

"Why my desire for change and transformation?" you ask.  "Everything's perfect," you assert.  Yes, It Is!  AND, it can always be even better.  LOVE includes Awareness of "What is" and Building Towards the Spiritual Evolution of All Living Beings.  Pain is part and parcel of life and death on planet Earth, but Suffering doesn't have to be.  That's a Choice and it's once again time that we chose our collective highest.  

So, how do we co-create embodied experiences that keep us in our bodies, tasting our edges, feeling our fear as well as our loss of judgment, sitting in boredom and falling into our patterns, and moving with - and thus through - all of it?  We just try.  

Last night, we tried with Blindfolds.  Without music or our vision, we dropped into our centers and moved in the pitch black studio together.  We breathed and stretched.  We tiptoed and crawled.  We listened and we exhaled.  We felt our fears arise in response to the unknown as we also felt liberated by the colorful darkness.  Then, we played.  Forgetting all of it and remembering our school days, we chased each other and played tag.  We fell into abandon and joy, laughter and innocence.  

Finding a partner, one person now took to the blindfold while the other remained their eyes, watching for their safety as well as simply bearing witness to their process.  "What did that feel like?  What did you perceive?  What did it bring up for you and make you think?"  Next, we did a Trust Dance through the studio, allowing and trusting our partner to manipulate our movement and to move us through time and space.  "How did this feel?"  We used markers and paper, drawings and words to allow the expression to bubble up from our psyche and subconscious.  Revealing and messy, self-conscious and curious, open and fearful, it all poured forth.

More than anything, however, it's about Cultivating Real-Time Community Spaces where we can be seen and heard as well as held to our highest.  It's about expressing our vulnerability as well as giving our bodies the deep medicine that flows when we expose our true selves and are offered a warm hug in response.   And, I don't know about you, but for me I crave being surrounded by people who LOVE me so much they're willing to step into discomfort when s/he witnesses me behaving in ways that are not testimony to how I pledge to live my life to say, "Hey, Cara.... I'm really disappointed."  "Or, hey Cara?  Can we talk about that choice you made?"  "Or, hey Cara!  That just sucks!"   

LOVE - it isn't all rainbows and butterflies and pure acceptance of what is.  Rather, it is also pounding and hammering for expanded growth and evolution.  We can do it gently, though - I promise.  And, I'm bound to make mistakes, but I'll apologize and take responsibility for my actions - you can count on that!