Abundance

I'm back.

After a phenomenal weekend spent living my dreams,
I returned to San Diego County feeling a bit lost.
As one of my sweet sisters affirmed when I shared with her my tale
that unfolded over the duration of this past weekend, "Of course, you did!  What a loss."

I also spent this past week mainly camped out at my parent's home
as I had a number of odd jobs that kept me in North County.
Today, I finally returned to my downtown home,
Las Raices Collectiva, and my soul is once again singing.

We've spent the evening as women chatting, preparing food and cooking in the
kitchen.  And, I have to admit that I am a bit shocked at how easy it is for me to fall
into feeling that "normal" looks like a lot of television and a little human connection.
Either way, I am grateful for it all. 

My heart is full.  Yes, it's absolute grief to experience the lack of vitality that exists within
my parent's house.  Yesterday, I felt near to my breaking point and I'm doing my best to remember my wise sisters advice.  "Feel it, Cara," they advise.  "How deep can you allow yourself to experience
what you are feeling?"  A full breakdown hasn't yet visited me and I look forward to the day when I do submit and surrender to my own repressed e-motion.  It's been too long in the coming.

And, yet, my parents are who they are.  I love them dearly and only have so
much time with them left.   Best I can do is celebrate that I have had the wherewithal and the intelligence to create the vibrancy and the support I need for myself elsewhere.

It has been a week since I spent good time in my lovely collective.  Tonight, we gathered in the kitchen discussing roles and responsibilities and how we each collectively care for our home as well as each other.  It's a conversation that we will have to continually revisit.  As a group, we came to a boiling point when the discomfort that can surround money was brought up and we navigated
this messy terrain with respect and concern for each other and our well-being.

I shared with my housemates that I'd bee willing to contribute more and that I often need a swift kick in the butt to get me out into the garden or to have me facilitate more healing circles.  "I like bee-ing pressed," I shared with the assembled group of four other women and one man.  "And, I need your help to co-create more healing in our home."  After thirty-five years, I just may be learning how to finally ask.

So, we're splitting up now with a group of us headed west to Ocean Beach to dance to the hip-shaking rhythms of my friends, Todo Mundo.  It's been way too long since I have seen my sweet counterpart take to the stage.  Then, we'll meet back together as a group at a hipster hangout in South Park, known as the Whistlestop.  Abundance is simple ~ it's found in our bee-ing together.  Cooking, talking, sharing, healing, eating, living, loving, dancing, making music, and more!  This is what feeds our hearts and souls at the deepest level of our human-animal wanting.  There's nothing more.

ENOUGH

"Just know that, for every person you are triggering, there are a dozen who are feeling comfort in your words. And, really, whether it be trigger or comfort, there is an effect...and it depends upon the recipient as to how the words will be received. Not you, the sender. You are the conduit that creates the energetic ripple, but it isn't your say as to who takes your words with ease, and who takes them in angst.  Right?

I see your writings about hiding, of not knowing how to love, being disconnected, and I just don't see it.  But if you feel it, then it is real.  I wish I could offer some help or words of wisdom (I'm going through my own crazy internal and external re-arrangings as of late), but the only thing I know to do, is to just breathe, and send warm energy your way, and encouragement that you seem to be, at least from my vantage point, on your path.   Honor how much you've accomplished thus far, and know just how much more of YOU there is to come."  (Thank you for your type, sweet sister LR.  ; )

I'm feeling sick.  Sick to my stomach of this "me."  My dear L keeps reminding me to have self-compassion and I'm trying so hard to not judge myself and to, rather, allow my feelings, once and for all.  As my soul sister S says, "Go deeper into your feelings, - REALLY, REALLY FEEL THEM.  Once," she shared, "I laid in bed for three hours as deep jealousy wracked my body.  This is how we can transmute whatever it is that is ailing us." 

I am experiencing a heightened sense of fear that I will continue to exist in my current state of tension and anxiety, even as I silently hope that by allowing and surrendering to my feelings I WILL EVOLVE.  It's not that I don't want to ever experience pain or suffering again.  Those are par for course in this journey called life.  Rather, it's that I want to thrive with the premise of possibility leading my way - and not a scarcity mentality weighing me down.

As I shared with my Tribal Truth sisters on our weekly Skype call yesterday, I was avoiding my Quarterly Review because I feared that I had nothing to show for my work over the summer and that I had "accomplished nothing."  And, yet, even as I speak and type such a thing, my heart knows that it is an untruth.  There are words, like those above, from others who read my blog and feel touched by my sharing.  Sometimes, I judge myself for being so damn self-indulgent here but then I remember that my process of being human is collective and that if I can share my pain as well as my triumphs then maybe you, or somebody else, somewhere out there, can feel positively affected and can remember how to celebrate your strengths as well as honor your weaknesses.  This is my intention here and it's mine to claim.

Intellectually, I get that I am frustrated because I have internalized messages of "success" that are not my own and that come from outside of me.  This being human, now, is certainly not easy for any of us.  So, I try to really listen and receive the blessings in all of their forms and magnitude.  Such as: TD sharing that my bee-ing has made him aware of the plight of the honeybee and, as result, he plans on creating a sanctuary for bees on the 600 acres he is now living on here in North County.  And, B shared that her hearing my message - even as she resides all the way over in Western Australia - inspired her to toss out all of the sugar in her home and replace it with natural and pure liquid gold.  This is ENOUGH.  I AM ENOUGH.  By simply BEE-ING.  There is nothing more to do.  

So, do yourself a favor - and bee with your blessings, no matter how "small" they seem.  Honor that your bee-ing has a deep affect on the world around you.  Your reading my type here is a blessing for me, as well, so THANK YOU.  I honor and appreciate YOU. 

Ometeotl.

PUSH BACK

Butterflies are nervously fluttering in my belly as I type this.

There's been more push back in regards to my type here on this blog, of late.
Negative comments left below my ramblings.  And, I'm learning how to receive these
with gratitude and how to positively respond versus reacting from my defenses.
Just like almost every other human being, I too deeply fear rejection and judgment.
And, yet, there's some small part of me that gets that when all of this push back feels most acute,
then I am on the right path.  All I have to do is keep moving forward.

Of course, there's this element of hiding that is prevalent in this blog.  I'm not in front of you.
And, I'm not using my voice to share this.  Typing this is easy.  It has become a habit and, now,
it has also become a responsibility.  Walking up to you, in public, however, and asking for your help, vulnerably sharing with you that I don't know what to do or how to proceed forward, is the hard part.  It's the part I've run from and hidden from for far too long. 

I have spent the majority of my adult life resisting - resisting my gifts, my purpose, my talent and all that the Universe has lovingly bestowed me with.  All my resistance has gotten me, however, is into a deep hole of debt; spiritual and emotional bankruptcy.  I don't want to resist anymore.  I just want LOVE.  Yet, I don't know HOW.

I'm so tired of my own suffering and pain, of being so damn stoic and absolutely disconnected to my own feelings.  I hurt.  My grief is potent.  There is a huge gash in my center; my wounded feminine bleeds openly and I don't know how to heal her.  It seems that all I can do is keep rubbing up against the saw-like edges.  So, I type this because I'm hoping you will help me.  Please, I need help.
I don't know how.

LIVING MY DREAMS

For the most part, I live a broken existence.  I'm in a huge financial hole.  My debt is a vice grip, wrapped tight around my whole being.  Strangling my life force, I feel trapped within a depressive hold.  I pray sleep will lead me away and that I will emerge from this dreamtime and into another reality.  Yet, it is I who chose to put myself here.  I chose all of it.  And, I am so tired of choosing my resistance, as all it does is wreak havoc on my body and pain in my Spirit.  So, this is what I entered into this past weekend's Long Dance Ceremony wishing to release.

We entered into the great serpentine circle at the center of our Sacred Village, once the sun had set on September 22nd, giving voice to what we were individually releasing as well as calling in as 126 women each tied a ribbon onto a maypole.  Then, our collective heartbeat - the rhythm of the drum - was brought to life, the roaring fire was lit and we began circling it, in dance, walk, hop and shoulder to shoulder, until a new day began.  The moon set overhead as we also honored our feminine moon cycles within the Moon Lodge.  True to form, my body was sure to start bleeding on this very day. 

Joining the Mooning women sweat lodge, I sat naked as sweat poured off of my body and two rounds of 11 hot rocks were brought in to the lodge.  We sang together, praying vociferously for ourselves, our loved ones and our planet, as I shed a layer of skin that was thick with toxins.  Emerging from the warm, wet womb, an expanse of star illuminated sky tickled my senses as I bathed in a cold, outdoor shower.  I could have stayed standing there, vulnerable with my golden brown skin glistening in the night, for years. 

J and I were each to be found joining the Drum Lodge and keeping the night's steady staccato beat.  We sang out loudly for our sisters who were each enveloped in their own personal dances around tat serpentine fire.  For hours, we kept this pace - drumming, singing, circling, praying, prostrating, hopping, dancing, drumming, singing, circling, praying, prostrating, hopping, dancing.  Sisters in the Dance, indeed!  When the light of the fast rising sun began to make itself known, we took to a maniacal jest, speaking utter non-sense that our hearts deeply understood as we skipped through space and time, arm in arm.  A sister from the Drum Lodge placed a bouquet made of sage, cedar and a singular chrysanthemum into my hand - perhaps honoring me for my innocence and joy.

With the sun slowly cresting the eastern ridge line, our brothers from Thunder Lodge presented themselves.  Banging their own drums, warriors in the way they kept sentry for us all night, they sang the Cherokee morning song over the valley and down to us.  My heart melting, my hand holding the bouquet, I stood tall and proud, a bride entering into divine union with her beeloved - an eternal dance of my Divine Feminine with your Divine Masculine, revolving that great fire in the sky, forever.

war & peace

And the cancer that is widespread throughout our American people is also found across our planet's body.  Toxic petrochemicals run off of our plants and into our food supply.  It drips from our Earth's atmosphere and onto the tops of our heads; our connection point to the Universe and all of creation is being poisoned.  If you haven't noticed, things just ain't right.

So, I'm only typing this because I feel some responsibility to you.  I've been silently dedicated to this blog for years now and, now, you seem to be enjoying its type or, at the very least, checking it out from places like Russia, China, France and Goddess knows where else.  I appreciate you for checking in and wondering what some daydreamer in southern California could possibly bee creating in her life.  However, given the odds of what we're working with today, I'm feeling a little doubtful right in this very moment - yet, I recognize that my pessimism does not serve either of us.  Remaining positive in the eye of the storm - even when the huge tidal wave of habit feels so daunting and the forest fire of transformation feels like an impenetrable force - I remember that the pattern can be reset.  All I have to do is surrender and accept.

forest FIRE

Tonight, I passionately waxed upon how fu$ked up life is outside of our American house's door.  One of my house mates feels energetically taxed and she believes it is because of our collective.  I couldn't help, however, but to point out that she spends 40 hours a week, 8 hours a day, in front of a computer, doing work that really doesn't have much meaning to her life and that provides very little regenerative exchange for her - aside from the relatively fat paycheck she puts into her pocket twice a month.  To top it off, she spends upwards of 5 hours per week in her car, driving back and forth to said job as the roads are chock full with other people doing the exact same thing around her.  I don't know about you but whenever I spend too much time in the car (commuting, not traveling) - no matter how much singing I do, eventually the music also becomes routine - and, whenever I have to deal with a lot of traffic in cramped spaces - such as, strip malls where way too many single occupancy cars drive around looking to fill some need that quick consumption can never alleviate - I become irritable.  I become frustrated that it should take 30 minutes to travel upwards of 2 miles!  In fact, it just happened the other day, when I went to pick my mother up from a strip mall hair salon.  It wasn't fun and thank God it's not my pattern, so I breathed through my discomfort.

This isn't living.  Yet, here we are - day in and day out - running off to jobs that pay the bills, meanwhile the technology we've created has become our childrens' babysitters.  We're sedate and comatose, with our noses firmly tucked into our iPhones.  We no longer wish to be bothered by the world around us.  Connection has become something we do solely through our fingertips - Don't bother me, I'm busy sexting a guy I met last week.  LMAO.

tidal WAVE

I'm just typing right in this moment for you, ya know?

After all, what the fu$k could little, ol' me possibly express in the midst of all of this turmoil that is currently taking place across our Earth's soil?  It's been a heavy week of unrest and protest - people all over the globe are coming out of their homes, emerging from their everyday routines and are taking to the streets to demand change.  "But, what is it they want changed?"  We're shown that it's Anti-American sentiment - outrage about a foreign film by the local orthodoxy.  Yet, we aren't in the least bit encouraged to put ourselves in their shoes - we don't really know what everyday life is like in Afghanistan, Syria, Pakistan, et al.  We haven't been taught how to try and feel what someone else's experiences are. 

What we can know, however, is our own experience. 

as i am, now

i'll never be perfect.
and, perhaps, this means there is not going to be some pristine state of optimum being within which
i can forever reside. 

case I:
My headache reading from "Compassionate Dragon" says:
"The sides of the head are associated with courage, especially courage to face your world. Migraine Headaches, usually located in the front quadrants, right or left, indicates a separation from your world. The involvement of the eyes in Migraines indicate not only an unwillingness to look without, but to look within. Most Migraine sufferers report, not only severe pain behind the eye, but also acute sensitivity to light. In Chinese Medicine, a number of Meridians run through this area. The Gallbladder Channel is associated with courage. The San Jiao channel is involved with processing of water (the elixir of Life), and the Small Intestine Channel is involved with deriving nourishment from the world. Both the San Jiao Channel and the Small Intestine Channel are connected to the Heart, whose emotion is Joy and where the Mind is located. Lack of Joy (with one's self) is strongly indicated by pain in this area. There is also Anger indicated by the Gallbladder channel's link with the Liver."

case II:
My left knee has been chronically begging for my attention since the spring.  I've traced a disconnection down to the joint between my tarsal bones in my left foot.  Recently, on a stroll around my Golden Hill neighborhood, I paid paid attention to my walk, drawing my 3rd eye of awareness down to this place in my body.  There, I felt into how my joint is not pressing into, and thus really grabbing hold of, the Earth below it.

case III:
My athlete's foot has also been in extreme flare up for years now.  Here is Louise Hay's, author of You Can Heal Your Life, interpretation of the psycho-somatic connection between my emotional and energetic body and my physical body, as found on the Sphere's of Light website:
"Athlete's Foot: Frustration at not being accepted. Inability to move forward with ease."

My Body doesn't Lie.
And, I'll never bee perfect.  There will always bee some ailment, some lack of courage, some weakness, a flaw that keeps me from reaching any IDEAL.  What I'll always bee, however, is HUMAN.  And, I can accept that walking this path is filled with RISK and LOSS.  I can also choose to see it all as DIVINELY MEANT TO BEE - a perpetual unfolding of ease and grace, no matter the outcome.

 

our BODY never LIES, III

v.
Today, American news media is reporting that 21 countries have risen in revolt and are capitulating in the streets and against their own governments in a shared, rallying cry about the evils & perils of the USA.  Meanwhile, an American national election is only two months away, and on Tuesday, we celebrated 11 years since the Fall of the Twin Towers.  Coincidence? 

On 09/11, five women gathered within the comforting safety of our pink-hued living room where we visualized our future Wise One, allowing ourselves to be led down a meditative path where mystery percolates and our hearts answer.  L facilitated the circle and I was surprised - not by my monkey mind that loves to either run ahead, thereby creating false truths that have no basis in reality, or stay very far behind, suffering in past mirages but, rather - by the voluptuous woman I met on my journey.  Dressed head to toe in a red, heavy fabric - bonnet included - she had a baby swaddled and attached to her back.  She ushered me into a kitchen hut where steaming aromas and pungent scents rose into a grass thatch roof. 

Sitting at the table beside her, rolling out dough, she swatted the back of my head with a jolly laugh of mischief when I inquired of her how I could live in love and peace, now.  "Just bake the cookies," she commanded, encouraging a spaciousness of embodiment where words and theory melt into the ether.

vi.
L gently guided us out of our reverie and back into this present moment.  We worked with pens on the page silently releasing any expressions of our experiences just had.  We shared what we felt called to share with each other and then closed our circle with L receiving some light hands-on touch & energy healing.  I asked the Universe to aid us in both our individual and collective healing and, when I came to motion to myself and where I was sitting in our circle, I placed my hands near my head and said, "I release the belief system that life has to be hard.  I accept and surrender to a life full of ease and grace." 

our BODY never LIES, II

iv.
I showed up for myself and lovingly sent my plea out into the Universe.  "Help," I inquired.  "I need help."  Carlos showed up at my table, approaching 70 with a soft, Italian accent, he wanted to converse with me about the book he was carrying in his arm.  I randomly opened it to a page that spoke of "Depression."  Brushing him off for a good five minutes until I remembered that I had asked for help and that the Universe responded within hours, I joined him outside on the patio where he was sitting with his book, Energy Tapping.  I showed him the note I had written, requesting for very specific guidance.  "I don't know about numerology or symbolism, and this isn't about your ancestral bloodline.," he spit out.  His resistance mirroring my own.  "This is about your lifetime now and you need to shift the messages you negatively internalized as a child.  I had to do it with my mother," he shared.  "I had to go back into her womb and tell myself that I am wanted and loved."

v.  
As a child coming home from elementary school, I pretended that I had a headache and didn’t feel well so that I could gain my mother’s sympathy immediately upon walking in through the front door.  My mother, a generous and humorous storyteller who came from her own background of dysfunction, was also a steaming volcano.  Filled with rage and other repressed emotion, her triggers were found inside of the house where spilled milk, dirty dishes and kids just being kids could set her off – spewing venomous words, hands and arms flying like ash and landing as slaps to the face, as fists pulling at hair, and as hands wielding a leather belt to be struck against bare skin.  Eventually, every child grows into an age where she runs away from this pain and trauma – she runs laps around the coffee table in the living room escaping the mad woman just behind her; she runs over to friends’ houses with or without leaving a note; and she runs into substances, like marijuana, to help dull the ache that time cannot easily erase. 

our BODY never LIES

i.
Gymnastics was my first LOVE.
And, I was a pretty damn fine gymnast, too.
I'd dig my toes and press my heels into the sprung mats on our local gymnasium's floor,
and charge down a straightaway to perform round off back handsprings into a back flip over or, sometimes, even a back tuck.  I enjoyed showing off these tricks, as well as aerial cartwheels, for my peers, who would plead with me to "do it again," on our elementary school fields.

ii.
Headaches, sometimes even migraines, are my main ailment and, for the past few years, they have been a chronic source of pain that stops me dead in my tracks.  I lay down, press pillows over my eyes and face and go to sleep.  Isn't it odd how, as we continue to grow into our adulthood, sleep becomes our number one "go-to" and main reprieve?  


iii. 
That big, full Blue Moon was potent medicine and the Universe was screaming in my direction, pointing its myriad of signs and markers right at me.  L was staying with us at Las Raices, recovering from the removal of a melon-sized fybroid tumor that had been pressing against the walls of her uterus.  For a few weeks, we shared kitchen space and I would drop into full spaz mode whenever our energies came into orbit around each other.  "BLAaaaaaaaah," I would pleat.  "MOOoooooo," she would moan back.  We speak in our own private tongue; mixing idioms, personas, characters, sounds and more, into a giant vat of laughter and ancestry.  It's one of the best natural remedies that I have recently had the pleasure of enjoying.  

PLAY!

Do you want to bee happy?  
I mean, really, are you looking to experience a sustained sense of PEACE, EASE, GRACE and FULFILLMENT?

It's really simple and I'm going to share with you, right now, the number one ingredient for how you can have this, NOW  -

PLAY.

Yep, it's that simple - no rocket science required.

If you want to meet me (or anyone else for that matter) all you have to do is invite a conversation over a walk; chase after a similar goal - like a wave, a ball or a frisbee disc; run around and shoot funny faces at each other. 

If you want to know yourself, all you have to do is sit down and bee.  Write, read, breathe, meditate, reflect, sing, contemplate, laugh, cry, draw, take photos - there are a myriad of means.

JUST PLAY 
and invite others in to play with you. 
It's the greatest gift you'll want to keep on giving to yourself. 

LOVE MORE

“What will it look like for Cara to love Cara?”

Amidst the chaos and turbulence of my parent’s home, there was a handmade white cloth, pillow banner that, to this day, hangs in my old room.  It reads “LOVE.”  This bird song that plays in my chest is this tune that I must now open up my mouth and allow my voice, as well as all of my channels, to sing.  

Cara loving Cara looks like me owning and embodying my purpose for being on our planet, now – which is to share a message of LOVE.  There’s nothing more.

EXERCISE #1  

What will it look like for You to LOVE yourself?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

GAIN

I lost the Prosperity Hive, and I gained Sisterhood (Tribal Truth).
I lost my wallet, and I gained my sanity.
I've continually been losing time, money, et al,
and I've regularly been gaining relationships, love and more.

In order to gain anything, we have to first risk losing.
If we can train our eyes to perceive our losses as divinely timed,
perfect lessons - blessing us with the exact teaching that we need right in this moment -
then we just might find ourselves exactly where we've always wanted to be.
The question is, "Where do you want to bee?"
The more clarity you have with your answer,
the easier it is to (wo)manifest.

(Also, it is essential to understand that the present you are constructing now
will be your future in the days to come.  So, bee mindfull!) 
 
As for me, I'm exactly where I've always wanted to be -
cooking a homemade meal with fresh, local produce collected straight from the farm for
my family here at Las Raices Collectiva;
being held and nurtured in the embrace of sweet sisterhood by dozens of sisters;
choosing love with the most perfectly imperfect, right man; and more.
It doesn't mean that it's perfect, forever, or complete.  
It simply means that I am here now, and THIS IS IT.

Risk looking the fool, risk losing faith, risk getting hurt
and GAIN.

loss

The risk we take in this LIFE
is LOSING.

We lose our wallets, our minds.
We lose friendly games, overtly competitive contests.
We lose our way, lose ourselves.
We can also lose others.
There is no guaranty.
There is only the roll of the dice,
the gamble to win something far greater
than this individual One could scheme up all by herself.
There is only the chance -
to experience more than one has previously allowed, to daringly leap into the unknown,
to tempt fate and to revel in all of the life that unfolds as a result.
It begins with that one, small step forward.
Introducing yourself to a perceived stranger.
Asking for help.  Inquiring where you can be of service.
Sitting in silence.  Listening deeply - not to the voices that tell you where you should be and what you should be doing but, rather, to your own sturdy sound of pure perfection.
Acting swiftly when opportunity arises.

IT BEGINS WITH RISK, and though it may end in LOSS,
the accumulation of Story & Meaning, of People & Places,
is far greater than the mere concessions, bows of the head, & shrugs of the shoulders,
that can also result.
HUMILITY begins here,
and it's a fine starting point for all of US.

SOFT

I have put the fifteen pounds back on that I lost when I hit my personal rock bottom, six years ago.  At that time, my mental dis-ease - my depression and anxiety - hit me like a ton of bricks.  I cried copious tears as I experienced a Spiritual bankruptcy during which I was short of breath, highly distracted and felt like a caged animal trying to crawl out of my own skin.  I couldn't eat for weeks on end.  My body shrank and the fat that I had carried around, like a Scarlet Letter, throughout my 20's melted away.  I came to look pinched and thin.  However, I discovered myself receiving way too much attention from the opposite of sex, once more.  And, let me tell you, the admiration only added to my confusion; not to my ease! 

So, it's funny because, although I am back to the curves that I layered around me as a fearful nineteen-year-old, I'm discovering that, today, I enjoy the soft suppleness of my fat and how it drapes itself over and around my most feminine of body parts.  I like that my body holds all of this energy and life force that I may give to another someday, or that I just may need if the shit hits the fan.  It's as though my body is daring the world, "I'm ready.  Bring it!"  Whatever "it" is. 

Perhaps, it's been all of the time that I have spent within the great mother ocean this summer, especially over the course of the past two weeks when I've dove like a dolphin, flipped like a Mermaid and chased after a frisbee disc on the break of the shoreline, that's helped to balance out my athleticism along with my natural curves.  I've always enjoy a physical vibrancy that includes being strong and healthy AND, now in my mid-30s, I have come to also appreciate my softness and vulnerability.

More recently, I've been discovering myself billowing in like a pillow when I sense the invisible, emotional blows from another projected in my direction.  That past me deflected all of her anger into the world with her defenses and gut reactions.  She chose to see her pain and suffering reflected in the injustice found all around her.  She wasn't "wrong" in her actions or feelings by any means, for one fact is that the way we Americans live - with our beak down of community, our rise of isolation, and our focus on a material value system - is fucked up!  Our anger, anxiety, depression and other dis-eases are simple by-products - our body's natural responses to the avoidance, distraction and disconnection that we are encouraged and aided to reside within.

So, today's me honors that I have a choice - that I can choose how I respond in every moment.  And, I'm discovering that I quite enjoy softening into time and space around me, versus trying to force an outcome or result.  This begins with how I view and perceive my body.  More and more, I'm just letting me bee me - which means lots of play, not working-out; lots of creativity in the kitchen and no dieting; and focusing on my Spiritual growth and fulfillment, not on the size of my clothes or the numbers on a scale.  

I can just bee me and let you just bee, too.

LIFE

There's this other in my world.
He serves as a catalyst for me in that he blatantly disagrees with one of my most
passionate solutions for our mutual sustainability.

At first, I waved my arms all about and cried, "You wouldn't believe what He did!"
Then, I tried to see LIFE from his angle, perspective and lens.
And, I found myself saying, "Yes, way to go, friend!  Way to take a stand and put yourself out into our world!"  After all, who am I to shut anyone down?  Especially someone who is taking a risk and is vulnerably expressing his voice?  And, so what if we don't beelieve in the same thing, or share the same ethics?  Can we agree to disagree while continuing to accept and love each other?  Can I offer another the support and encouragement that I always want to receive, even when I am "mis-taken?"

YES!

So, he'll call me out when I respond to him from the triggers of my defenses, and I really appreciate this.  More so, because our relationship over the past month has had me digging deep into my beliefs, unearthing words that help me to convey the ideas of my passions and then discovering how to clearly elucidate them so that another may understand my way of bee-ing in this world.

And, here it is... As I've passionately conveyed in this blog, I am committed to LOVE, PEACE & HARMONY on this Planet Earth.  However, what this doesn't look like is a bunch of Breatharian's moving around as pure light, taking up no space and consuming not a thing.  Rather, I honor LIFE on this planet and how there is a balancing point upon which every organism relies on the sustenance and nourishment of other organisms, including the soil, water and air that surrounds us.  The seagull doesn't stop mid-flight, as it's careening toward a rock-dusted shore in its pursuit of a lumbering crab, to scratch its head and say, "Um, I really shouldn't hurt that crab right now."  

A hungry and fierce lioness doesn't lay back on her laurels as the Antelope go galloping by.  Heck no!  She's got babies to feed and a tribe to tend to.  Our application of wrong and right, good and bad, pain and suffering, just may bee anthropocentric in its view.  Now, don't get me wrong - yes, I do believe that animals feel.  They're just like us!  Or, maybee, we're just like them - Humanimals!  

There is a way ~ we walked it on this planet for thousands of years ~ in which we can honor our taking and accept it as LIFE lived on this Planet Earth.  I simply always check in with myself, "Would I sacrifice myself for the greater good of all?"  My answer is usually a resounding "YES!"  Plus, I'm willing to enter into a conversation about DEATH.  Maybee, it's not an ending.  Perhaps, it's a beginning.  LIFE has to begin somewhere, after all.

r~EVoLutiOn

It's a choice.
All of it.

I chose my teachers in this lifetime, now.
"Thank you, Teacher," I say, as I bow on humbled knee.

I choose, today, how I respond in any given moment.
Sometimes, I hide - cowering behind strong, mama-like Bear sisters.

On Sunday, I felt my fear and I allowed it - it's okay, I'm only human, after all.
So, instead of judgment, I offer my new found friend Fear compassion and a seat at my table.
"Come on in, take a load off," I pretend to motion in an invisible scenario.

Later, in reflection, I trace this nefarious other, back to its primal beginnings.
And, I realize that when I allow my fear to render me immobile then I, perhaps, also
deny others an opportunity to grow, to exchange, to help or to experience my Medicine.

"Is that what you want?" I ask myself.  "Because, it's a choice, ya know?"
And, then, the question becomes: "Do I want to keep rejecting the LOVE of the Universe?"

You and I were both brought here for a very specific purpose.
Your tool belt, just like mine, is filled with everything - every gift & every experience, as well as the ability for calling in all of the teachers and other tools that we may require - we could possibly need.
All we have to do now is act.
(First, JUST BEE.  Then, from that place of listening, sensing and feeling ACT.)
 
Because....
It's a choice.  The past is past.  The future remains to be written.
LOVE IS NOW.
The revolution is our evolution....