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| "Swooping Hawk," 2005 acrylic on palmbark |
"I keep looking for the door, I keep looking for the key,
but the more I look the more it becomes a mystery.
I'm not gonna figure this out, I'm gonna relax into it
Let the spirit move through it, relax into it.
Spirit always knows, spirit always knows exactly which way to go.
I'm not gonna figure this out, by thinking too hard and using my brain instead of my heart."
In my earlier post, "On My Anger," my intention was not to glorify my rage - for all my anger has ever done was to wrap thick walls of defenses around this heart of mine. Rather, I simply wanted to give honest voice to the layers of repressed e-motion that I am still continuing to unwind from my SoulSpirit. This is what the powerful women whom I am honored to sit in circle with keep reminding me to do. They encourage me to place my hand upon my heart and FEEL. "What do you feel, Cara?" they inquire. Beyond the prickly barbs of madness is a vulnerable sensitivity deeply tied to this EarthBody.
Two years ago, when I finally committed to the fulfillment of my highest good - which is the path of all of our highest good - I spent a lot of time just sitting, offering myself to Spirit. I didn't know what "to do" or where to go. I only knew that what I had been doing for so long wasn't working. So, I sat. And I sat. And I sat. I remember witnessing the sun rising over the east on the dawn of 2010 as a pregnant, full moon simultaneously set over the waters in the west. I recall sitting cross legged in the sand on these western shores and looking out on the horizon where the vision of a pod of dolphins breaking above the waters of the Pacific greeted my eyes. I still didn't "know" what to do but, for once, I was trying to feel my way through. And, damn it, if I couldn't feel, then I was just going to sit in once place until I could.
Paolo Coelho, in his book The Alchemist, writes that once we have committed to our hero's journey we are treated to beginner's luck. It is during this time when the signs of synchronicity - the signs and markers that always lay all around us so long as we are willing to listen - blink off and on, unmistakably, like the neon glow of a vacancy sign illuminating a hotel where a weary head can bed down for the night. Of course, at some point, the luck wears off and the true testing begins. In following our dreams and living our purpose, the Universe both conspires for us as well as tests our resolve and fortitude.
Like me and like Coelho's main protagonist, Santiago, you too have a personal myth - one that you were born for. It's called your Destiny and it awaits your heart-felt commitment. Yes, you have chosen to come here, now, for a very distinct reason. By fulfilling your one, true purpose you elevate not only yourself but all of humanity. In his book, Coelho writes that this is the one, true path to God. However, you must be willing to sacrifice all that you have been told is "right" and/or "successful." You must be willing to endure the pain of criticism and the loneliness of isolation in order to grow into your path. You must sit within the discomfort of "not knowing" because you cannot think your way though this. You can only open up yourself to Spirit and allow yourself to once again Feel.
