Worldschooling Ecuador, year 2 ~ Dec. 2020 - June 2021

Less than a year later and still in the midst of a global pandemic, we returned to Vilcabamba, Ecuador and the place where Burt took his final breaths. Vilca had been through its own dramatic shift having gone into full lockdown mode but, over the nine months since we left, the "ex-pats" had been working their philosophy on the local people, especially the taxi drivers. By the time we returned, the town had open back up in many ways. I only wore a mask when I went into the bank to pay for Cee's school. Cee returned to La Calandria and it was a gift to maintain this continuity in his life (and mine.) We had made dear friends the year before, especially with having gone through the tumultuous experience of losing Burt to death. It was my first time renting a home on my home which definitely brought up some grief. A black and yellow bird made its presence known when we moved into our casita however, by pecking its beak on the window above the space where I had erected our altar to Burt every morning. I had no doubt that Burt's presence very much remained with us. The one year anniversary of Burt's passing came and we celebrated it with a bang. We had a temescal for women only in his honor before which I led some movement in a bamboo forest. A small group of us erected an altar on the Earth outside the casita where he died. At that time, my Mama sister friend Paula had been living there with her young daughter. We also had an online Zoom meeting with our people primarily in southern California. To top it off, I had sex for the very first time with someone new. It had been over two years and I was ready. What I wasn't prepared for was how the bandaid covering my lifetimes of shame was finally ripped off when the South American who was sixteen years younger than me behaved like a typical almost thirty year old - by attempting to "ghost" me. Then, I felt embarrassed that I still had a pathway within me that had me mistaking pain (rejection) for love. I needed to pull in and focus on my continued inner healing, that much was clear. Otherwise, my unconscious operating system was rendering my unsafe to myself (and potentially my child.) As lovely as it was to return to Vilca, I also felt really alone there. Cee and I made a spring break getaway trip to the beach, visiting Ayampe and its surrounding towns for the first time. Although we were able to catch up with Deborah, Sebas and the boys on this trip, we mainly spent most of our time alone. Although there were many opportunities for engaging with others in the ways that I like to do - e.g. singing groups; women's circles; weekly ecstatic dance and hiking as well as writing circles, I knew I needed to mainly focus inward. I began finding my dance in the kitchen for the first time ever at this time. For Cee, on the other hand, I had him enrolled in afterschool activities such as an art class with a real artist who was teaching art for artists and not for little kids. (You rock, David!) As well, he began his formal studies with futbol in Vilca. After my first meet-cute at the farmer's market with the 28-year old, I had another with the coach of the futbol program there in the stadium area while I was stretching in the grass during Cee's art class. There was another Covid scare, that put the village in lock down over four consecutive weekends but Cee and I had the outdoor space to run the futbol or throw a frisbee. The pristine nature of Vilca is what calls me to it but its itty bitty postage size can only keep me there short term. Plus, as non-residents, we need to leave the continent for the same amount of time that we visited. That makes living there difficult.