Dear Brother...

"We Are Bound"

Dear Brother,

When I first came into this world, I looked up at you and called you 'Father.'  I hoped you'd protect me and I dreamed that you loved me, unconditionally.  But you were so wounded all you could do was to drown your sorrows in the bottom of a beer bottle and disappear when I needed you most.  Even still, I grew and I came to look out and up at you as my 'Big Brother.'  However, even then, you perpetuated the rage and the violence that had also been bestowed upon your pure, sweet innocence.  As my father and my brother, you struck me down.  You beat me.  You called me hurtful names.  You refused me your love and denied me your protection.  But, even in my hurting and my pain, I forgave you.

As a toddler, dear brother, you were my best friend.  Together, we'd expend our vibrant energy on playgrounds and in imaginary realms where a separation between us did not exist - where there was no 'other,' no he or she.  There was only 'We.'  In grade school, you became my boyfriend who sought the pleasure of passing me short notes and who desired nothing more but to kiss me on the cheek while we ducked under the table during earthquake drills.  Yet, as a teenager, when I finally offered you my virginity - that ripe cherry to be plucked straight from the vine - you took it with little regard for the depth of shared experience between us.  As my lover, you take from me just as you take from all the other women who march in front of your eyes, like an endless parade.  And, now, as my soul mate, I offer you my eternal affection but your distant gaze still wanders over the blossoming fields, searching - always searching - for that which is inside of you. 

Dear brother, I ask you now because I have seen your videos and I hear your words and I know you recognize where we are today, in space and time, standing upon a great precipice of re-formation.  You also intuit how all of our ways that have come before do not serve us and you, too, seek change.  So, I ask you, dear brother, to go deeper.  I ask you now, brother, to please stop looking at me - at us, your dear sisters, mothers and daughters - as objects.  I ask you now to adjust your vision, for I address you now as an equal - as a partner in this shared mystery. 

Dear brother, I ask you now to notice when your eyes want to follow the line behind a woman's body or down the nape of her neck and to, instead, shift this energy.  I ask you now to be aware when divisive words like "pretty" or "unattractive" enter your BodyMind.  I'm not asking you to be God, dear brother.  I'm asking you to be HUMAN, to fully show up with your strength of spine, so that you may protect us - your women and children, your most vulnerable.  And, I am asking you now to show up with your feeling heart because the violence must end.  And true peace must begin with you.  It begins with you not allowing for the objectification of your women.  It begins with you saying "NO!" to the sale of women and girls worldwide.  It begins now by your choosing to feel with your heart, and not to merely see with your eyes. 

Dear brothers, I ask you now, in solidarity, to stand with us your dear sisters. 
For the time is truly NOW.

Please join us here in San Diego for tomorrow's SLUTWALK, when we "proudly take a stand against sexual violence and the bully tactics of victim blaming."  Click here for the Facebook invite.
Read more here about how "Slutwalks" have been sweeping the continent since April in response to a Toronto constable offering the following "advice" as rape prevention, "Avoid dressing like sluts."


Here in San Diego, there are other ways that you can help to support and heal the lives of women.   If you're a golfer, you can register for the 11th annual "Birdies and Butterflies" Golf Tournament on the Oak Glen Course at Sycuan.  Your tax deductible participation and sponsorship of the Birdies & Butterflies Annual Golf Tournament benefits Shakti Rising’s Education and Community Wellness Program.  Every year, ShaktiRising's education program offers over 1,000 hours of classes to women, schools, youth agencies and professionals throughout San Diego.  Their innovative classes and consulting services create profound transformation at an individual and community level.

You can also check out Jeans 4 Justice, a local non-profit organization dedicated to ending sexual violence through creative awareness campaigns and cutting-edge education programs.


And, know, WE LOVE YOU.

On Signs, Omens & Synchronicity, take II

"Swooping Hawk: Great Spirit in the Sky," Rancho Cuyamaca State Park, '05

Dreams and intuition have been a vibrant part of my life since I was a girl.  Some would say that this is part of the feminine mystique but, as my ex-boyfriend demonstrated, our intuition is less about our gender and more about our connection to the Earth under our feet.  Yesterday, I was recalling a vivid re-occurring dream that visited my subconscious as a child.  It was an epic battle that took place between myself and the ocean.  In it, I would attempt to exit a Pacific shoreline as a surging tide kept trying to suck me out to sea.  With the shore at a steep incline, I would fight, tooth and nail, to end up, spent and exhausted, upon a sandy beach.  As I grew into adulthood, I recognized that the Ocean represents the Great Mother and I realized that the energy in this dream mimicked my energetic experiences caused by the drastic mood swings of my own mother.  One day, she was my best friend and then, the very next day, she could be my worst nightmare.  True to form, I chose both best friends and boyfriends whose lack of energetic sustainability mirrored this same pattern - pulling me in only to push me away, pulling me in pushing me away, pull and push, push and pull.  It's emotionally and physically exhausting.

And, yet, I've recently been writing of Bruce Lee's philosophy to "Be like Water."  (True to form, it was because my ex was such a huge Bruce Lee fan that I perused most of Bruce's chronicles and watched most of his films.)  Intuitively, I've been drawn to approach my developing movement modality, which I call "Primal Fluidity," with this in mind.  I have also been introduced to the transformational thought program of ShaktiRising, which holds this philosophy as elemental for our emotional bodies.  "Allow our emotions to flow into our hearts and out, like the tide," is what this non-profit organization, that empowers and heals the lives of women, teaches.  I have also been fortunate to be on the receiving end of the life-affirming work of Windwalker Dorn, a third-generation Cherokee woman and Clans Mother, who travels the North American continent "Healing the Waters" within as well as the waters without and who presented this work here at the Prosperity Hive.

So, last year, when I had finally sat long enough with the intention of listening to my heart, my heart finally began to speak.  It spoke of wanting to grow love, even is it felt deep sadness over consistently growing turbulence.  If I wanted to grow love, however, I had to first examine what my ripe and mature seeds were and, then, where I was planting these seeds.  I had to look at where I was investing my time, energy and resources and with who.  As I mapped out the garden of my Soul, it led to a painful recognition that I hadn't been planting my seeds in nutritious soil.  Naturally, I hadn't been growing anything but turmoil!  By continuing to listen and learning to respond from instinct and intuition, Shakti and myself were soon united on a path that combined our mutual passions.  The Prosperity Hive was a natural unfolding of us simply listening and then responding to synchronicity.

Last week while hiking up Cowles Mountain, a friend asked me why I used the metaphor of Bees in my current life's work.  Last spring, I was angrily stung by a bee in the face as I hiked up a Poway hill in pursuit of manifesting a piece of land in order to grow our regional sustainability work.  Later that fall, while standing with Shakti outside of her then Ocean Beach bungalow, a honeybee flew right between us, reminding me of a dream from the night before that had been filled with honeybees encircling my lower calves.  During last week's hike, a group of four of us arrived on the top of a Memorial Day mountain filled with hikers and holiday revelers.  While drinking water and talking, I looked to the east and saw a black cloud of honeybees headed in our direction.  "Shit," I said.  "Get down," I commanded as I took refuge behind a rock.  Everyone followed my directions and soon the swarm had passed overhead, headed toward the creation of its next Hive.

Yes, I don't "know" what any of it means.  But I do know that we are on the brink of Great Change.  And, I'm starting to recognize the signs and omens more quickly these days.  On Sunday, Windwalker spoke of markings on our human bodies and how they are signals from our past lives.  And I don't know what any of it means.  "I'm not gonna figure this out, I'm gonna relax into it.  I'm not gonna figure this out, by using my brain instead my heart."