Yes, indeed.
For too long, I chased after some elusive perfection where I was always "better:"
more appealing to the eye;
nicer to those around me;
more successful at making money and having nice things;
etc.
For too long, I sought to "improve" others around me:
to have them be more compassionate to themselves;
to "teach them" how to give love (Ha!);
to "show them" the error of their ways (Double Ha!).
For a lifetime, I've thought that I wanted to "change" the world.
That this planet was somehow
bad,
lacking,
impure and in need of desperate improvement.
Yes, there is always room for growth
AND,
maybe,
everything is exactly as it should be.
Maybe,
perfection exists - now -
if I simply allow it to,
in ME
in YOU
in US
in this spinning kaleidoscope of light and form,
of shadow and motion,
even with all of our individual and collective frailty and weakness,
in our horror and cruelty,
in its darkness and death.
Because one fact is that I have been fortunate to travel the world and
in my experiences as a lone woman in her mid-20s, I tasted far more
generosity and love than popular myth would have you believe.
The propaganda of "the murder capital of the world" (Johannesburg, South Africa)
receded into the ether as I strolled its war-torn streets, alone at night.
("Alone, at night?" my mother cringes, as you, perhaps, question my risk taking.
"I'd rather die exploring the world than trapped in a car (as too many Americans do indeed perish) while making a distracted commute to a job that does not feed my Soul, any day," is always my response.)
Yes, bad things happen.
However, what if "bad luck" was simply a lens through which we viewed life?
What if this now were perfect: this now of not knowing what is to come next?
This now of anxiousness, of lack of awareness, of doped up on caffeine and maxed out on pop culture? This now of over inundated and underwhelmed; of stressed out and confused; of lost and lonely? What if?
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
On My Projections
I thought that my wounded feminine was a source for continued inquiry yet, what I tapped into this weekend is that it is actually my wounded masculine that needs to be spoken of and released. I've been unfair - wanting a masculine counterpart to ride in and save me, seeking for him to claim what is rightfully his - even as I have been honest. This is what all women want.
I shared with a brother last night how vital it is that he listen to his heart. "Don't give her an opportunity to contemplate whether or not your relationship is more than platonic," I advised. "Grab her and kiss her!" I told him. One of my favorite men is so good at doing this, even if he isn't sustainable with what follows. It's this acting from his Divine Masculine impulse that I would bottle up and sell for millions of dollars, if I could. Words complicate. Chemistry conveys. And, if she says "No," then at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you did indeed try. You'll move on, continuing to listen to your heart and responding to your instinct when the opportunity presents itself.
When you don't do this, when you allow yourself to engage in a meeting of lips that doesn't really speak to your essence, then this is when you hurt us. When you don't actively pursue, it cuts deeply. So, this is what we women want and, yes, it is this simple. There is no outlandish story of how we want it soft and cuddly or hard and driving. Yes, we want all of that and we want you to claim us - to take what is rightfully yours.
This time now, however - this time of 2012 and Black Water Dragon - isn't about the same gender stereotypes that have kept us separate for so long. Rather, it is about each of us integrating the Divine Masculine as well as the Divine Feminine within our own selves. So, this weekend, I looked into that burning fire of transformation and I touched my sadness. I felt how I have not been riding in and truly saving myself. I have not been staking my territory in terms of how I claim my worth in this world. Instead, I have been behaving cowardly, by hiding behind a childish mask of dependence. I have been afraid of my own deep roar and animal power for too long. It's time I unleash this beast.
I shared with a brother last night how vital it is that he listen to his heart. "Don't give her an opportunity to contemplate whether or not your relationship is more than platonic," I advised. "Grab her and kiss her!" I told him. One of my favorite men is so good at doing this, even if he isn't sustainable with what follows. It's this acting from his Divine Masculine impulse that I would bottle up and sell for millions of dollars, if I could. Words complicate. Chemistry conveys. And, if she says "No," then at least you'll have the satisfaction of knowing that you did indeed try. You'll move on, continuing to listen to your heart and responding to your instinct when the opportunity presents itself.
When you don't do this, when you allow yourself to engage in a meeting of lips that doesn't really speak to your essence, then this is when you hurt us. When you don't actively pursue, it cuts deeply. So, this is what we women want and, yes, it is this simple. There is no outlandish story of how we want it soft and cuddly or hard and driving. Yes, we want all of that and we want you to claim us - to take what is rightfully yours.
This time now, however - this time of 2012 and Black Water Dragon - isn't about the same gender stereotypes that have kept us separate for so long. Rather, it is about each of us integrating the Divine Masculine as well as the Divine Feminine within our own selves. So, this weekend, I looked into that burning fire of transformation and I touched my sadness. I felt how I have not been riding in and truly saving myself. I have not been staking my territory in terms of how I claim my worth in this world. Instead, I have been behaving cowardly, by hiding behind a childish mask of dependence. I have been afraid of my own deep roar and animal power for too long. It's time I unleash this beast.
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