On Service, part I

"This is the final test of a gentleman: 
his respect for those who can be of no possible service to him."  
--William Lyon Phelps

Last week was the toughest time that I have energetically experienced since moving into the Hive four months ago.  My energetic body struggled to find both the motivation and the inspiration to get up, get moving and GO!  For this Queen Bee who loves to buzz, allowing myself to just Be - to listen to my BodyMind, which was calling for deep rest and to honor this request without guilt, shame or internal berating, was quite a feat.  Fortunately, these days, I am trusting that this is all par for course and that whatever I am not doing will eventually be done as well as happen.  I also enjoyed witnessing my emotional body want to entertain past patterns of verbally abusing myself for my "laziness" and "apathy."  I tried to go there yet, for some reason, my SoulSpirit never quite believed what my mind was telling it.  There was no emotional attachment to my physical exhaustion.  It was purely a physical need that my BodyMind knew I must fulfill in order to be able to sustain my energy for whatever is to come.

Nonetheless, there was also something else at play.  The realization that the first quarter of the year has come to pass - taking with it the dark, cold winter - and that, now, after the immense support of our beloved community has helped to nourish the initial soil of the Prosperity Hive, the real work begins.  It is time to dive into spring while laboring in the lengthening sunlight hours as the days grow longer and as we tend to our communal garden with nothing more but the sweat on our backs and our tear stained cheeks.  For too long now, I, personally, have relied on too many external sources to help drive my energetic current.  From the dance floor to the "real world," I have spent have a lifetime finding it difficult to maintain and feed my own internal flame.  And, last week, the realization finally dawned on me that now is the time to dig deep, find my infinite well of power within and to draw from it.   

In the recent past, I have attended yoga classes during which the teacher has espoused upon an idea of service.  In sweaty prostration, I have heard these learned mentors and practiced yogis preach about yoga as service.  And I've so wanted to speak up and say, "Yes, and..."  Yes, service must begin with the Self - for if we cannot first serve ourselves, then we cannot serve others.  Serving ourselves is about feeding our spirits by answering the call of our highest good - only we know what that is (and we also know what it isn't).  Showing up - to yoga class, to dance, to read a book, to open-hearted communication with a friend, to intentional eating, to this moment, now - is certainly a step.  However, we must not forget that it is only the first step.  True service is a continual offering of one's gifts and talents to the world, especially to those who can not be of any "service" to us.