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| Once I was sad & suffering |
two of my dance community members casually strolled up to our raging fire.
"Hey, there's A & C," I told B.
"Who?" he asked, as I just laughed at his inability to immediately connect the dots.
Joining our intimate group of five on our Mexican blanket, C, a sweet, soul sister who recently left SD for Marin County, and I reflected on how long we have known each other.
"Yes, Cara," she said, "I do remember you when you were with your ex. My what a whole, different woman you are today."
FOUR YEARS AGO.
A Gladuation has occurred.
My heart was hurting then and my Spirit was heavy.
Dis-ease does that to a Soul.
The dis-ease of fear and of perpetuating long-term suffering by avoiding short-term pain.
The dis-ease of not listening to one's own, unique heart ~ no matter how loudly it sings, and demands that you get up and try, damn it!
To celebrate this marker, O. and I picked up soul sistah Luvlee's two boys and we drove east yesterday, headed towards Cuyamaca and Green Valley Falls. It's a place where memory and the present moment collide. For me, it's a hOMe, where I sank into the Earth in 1986, sleeping under the stars in a sleeping bag, playing in the gurgling falls and making my first pre-sunrise hike in order to catch the brilliance of a rising sun, as an impressionable, young ten-year-old away from the chaos of my parent's home. After the blazing inferno of 2003 decimated those pine tree forests, I returned to discover that like those charred mountainsides, I too felt hollow and burned. Spiritually bankrupt.
Yesterday though, I rejoiced for the region has REGENERATED. Lush, green growth fills in where the pointed trunks of burned trees remain. It's a haunting metaphor to witness the decayed structures still standing as new life rushes to fill in the spaces in between. And, it also fills my Soul with a straight, shot of HOPE. We can do this too, ya know?
The boys had never been to a water fall. In the car ride up, they were skeptical. "I want to make a portal and go into a video game," G. said. "This is your portal," I replied, motioning to the car around us. "And, we are headed in to the best video game EVER!!!!!" "Yeah, right," the boys quipped back. So, the boys and I traversed upstream, climbing rocks, sliding down small falls, playing in the frigid water, basking on sun-warmed rocks like lizards, observing tadpoles, dragonflies and bluebirds, oh my! "This is the best day ever!" they were both soon cheering, as I sat with the most satisfied and selfish smirk on my face.
We also made friends with our neighbors for the day. Three years old and brave, little Lila made her way over to me. "I wanna bee with her," she said to her mommy, as I sat, browning my skin in the sun with my snake amulet on my arm. "Of course," I told her mother, "for she is a little Warrior Goddess in training." So, she took my hand, and when my loud laughter poured forth she mimicked me with her own deep and guttural guffaw.
I am well aware of what is taking place in our world. My politics remains unchanged. I participate less because I sense what is coming. I dive in deeper because I sense what is coming. For now, however, I celebrate and enjoy the ride. Soon, perhaps, we will meet ~ underground and hidden. Until then, power your Source Up!
