This time now IS personal. Because the evolution we are all speaking of and feeling isn't about the "awakening" of others. It isn't about "changing" the planet or creating a new world. Rather, it's about our very own personal transformation (duh, as this is only ever the way forward).
My face is so damn pressed up against the glass of my own evolution. It's uncomfortable and it's been centuries, perhaps even millennium, in the coming. I feel it in my bones, in my blood, in my cells, in my ancestry and in the way I have spent too long chained to a suffering that I do not have to call my own. The question now is can I trust ME to fully show up in my light, to vibrate at my highest frequency and to truly live my Soul's destiny?
(only time will tell.)
I'm still perpetuating some of my baggage and it is causing others in my immediate world pain. I've very recently sown bad karma and, as as a result, by this weekend I was reaping it in every direction I turned. My pain rendered me confused, which only complicates the process. So, on my way to a downtown train with a basket full of musical instruments in my arms, a light mist began to fall and I, feeling the burden of all of my own actions, laughed at the sheer ridiculousness. "I am bonafide insane!" I stated to the Universe. "And, insane people get committed," I thought.
Wearing a purple bindhi at my third eye and a bright red kaftan made in Pakistan and gifted to me by a beloved sistah who emigrated from the region and who I had to flake on, at the last minute, in order to get to where I was then going, I boarded the Coaster, noticing. The borrachito (the little, drunk man) whom I had observed popping tall cans of Budweiser open on this same, "quitting time" train just the day before was sitting in my section. I gave him a nod of "Hello" as I also observed the woman to my left. She was busily distracting herself with her iPhone. There were two, young GI's sitting in the compartment above me, and I wondered what they must have thought of my choice in dress.
Borrachito tried to engage with me but I wanted to climb up and into my reflection of misery. "I'm insane!" the cry went as I entertained playing the victim on this train headed north. But, I found myself kinda bored and lonely, so I recognized that I might as well bee who I am. It was then that I invited him to take a seat. His name was Andreas and the second time around, I allowed myself to receive his offering of a beer. "Might as well," I thought, shrugging my shoulders, "I'm already insane."
The tall can popped. Andreas and I toasted, "Cheers!" y "Salud" to this now. The GI's grins began to widen as I motioned toward the basket of instruments. "Quieres a jugar?" ("do you want to play?") I asked him. We brought forth two, small, hand-held drums and I offered the borrachito a quick rhythm lesson. Soon, a fellow traveler shared his insights, "What you're doing is annoying me," he whined with a book in his hand as he stood on the steps that separated our compartments.
"Yes," I responded. "Thank you for letting us know. And, next time, maybe you could offer that you love what we're doing while asking if we could take our sound down a few notches?" I reflected.
"Whatever," he pathetically dismissed with a wave of his hand as he returned to his seat.
I shrugged my shoulders again, and raised the tall can to my lips.
Andreas and I exchanged the drums for shakers and returned to our wild ways.
Across from us, our neighbor's head remained ducked within the safety of her iPhone.
I breathed out, feeling, "I'm already here and I've already decided that I'm insane. What's there to lose?" So, I leaned over and asked, "Excuse me. What's your name?"
"Andy," she replied, easily.
"You know, Andy, I was just sitting here, thinking I'd cry about my insanity but, instead, I thought I might as well bee what I am." She smirked at my statement. "What do you think of that?"
From there, our conversation flowed naturally into talk of evolution as well as this here and now. "Give, yes!" she advised. "But don't deplete yourself." Subtly, she was referring to Andreas, who - with all of my allowing in to my microcosm, which included the sharing and the music, the beer and the convivial exchange - I also had to clearly delineate my boundaries with. ("Sus manos aya," I instructed him as his touch & desire to hug me began to border on my uncomfortable).
"I hear ya," I told Andy. "And, yet, I think it's a much crazier world when we want to enforce boundaries of impenetrable walls around our fields and spaces. When things like music on the train and dance in the building bother us, that's problematic," I spoke.
Indeed.
The train arrived into a drizzly Encinitas.
"Namaste," Andy bowed and I chuckled at the heart of this Buddha.
Yeah, I'm crazy. And I'm Committing to My Self (once again).
What will it look like when... ~ who can I bee-come if... ~
I LOVE MYSELF, deeply?
When I embody that I can trust myself to support and take care of ME?!?!
When I choose to no longer suffer?!?!
