Tuesday, July 24, 2012

enDurANCE

(This article has been re-posted from my blog. 
It's a response to why I write, talk and live the way I do.) 



The ability to endure is a universally accepted definition of sustainability.  At least that's what Wikipedia says, so it must be so.  Here in San Diego, we have yet to collectively agree upon a definition of what sustainability looks like for the 3.1 million people in this specific region.  On this scale, is sustainability possible?  If so, how will we endure given our current paradigm in which 80% of our water is imported from the Colorado RiverWhat will happen when our city wells run dry?  Or, when the cost of what should be a basic human right is no longer affordable by the masses?  How will we survive when global warming, droughts and, thus, a lack of water have been turning the Southwest into a blazing inferno for the past decade?  

I know, these questions are seemingly too esoteric to answer - let alone ponder - and, here in southern California, we'd rather focus on the short-term of our tans, waves and weekends, while leaving the long-range planning for the generations who are to follow, anyway.  Yet, the ability to endure is affecting each and every one of us now.  For every four of us, cancer is eating one of us alive - from the inside out.  Today, our American young people are, more and more, being diagnosed with diabetes type II in childhood.  Heart disease is killing us and depression is causing great suffering among our family members, neighbors and friends.  We're sick and we feel hopeless.

I know the feelings well.  I too once succumbed to the gnawing ache of depression.  My emotional state began to wreak havoc on my physical state and, for the first time ever in my short life, my pap smear came back with an abnormality.  I was stuck in the fast lane of anxiety with shallow breath and an inability to quiet the never-ending barrage of thoughts tormenting my mind.  I felt hopelessly trapped in skin and bone.  I couldn't eat.  I lost so much weight that I looked pinched and thin.  I was miserable and I really believed that there was no way out.

However, I am not typing this to preach about alternative procedures, holistic treatments or, even, about the food we should be putting into our bodies, the air that should be less thick of carbon dioxide,  the water that should be pure of toxins and the amount of radiation that should be penetrating us daily.  Our culture and western civilization as we know it is now on a fast track, headed in a direction that we are all sure to find out about sometime soon - it is only a matter of time.  Rather, I am writing this to share that I now, honestly and wholeheartedly, believe that our ability to endure, our sustainability, is deeply rooted in each otherYou, me, us - we all sustain each other.  With our hugs and our kisses.  With our reaching across the great divide of fear and unknowing and extending a warm hand in greeting "Hello" or in offering help to a stranger in need.  With our listening ears and our feeling hearts.  With our abilities to be present - it is the best gift we can give, after all.  

True sustainability lies in the warm, dank soil of our souls where all we truly need is to be deeply held, and fervently loved.  True sustainability is found in the forgiving eyes of our dear ones and in the welcoming embraces of our community members.  True sustainability is letting down our guard and allowing our vulnerable, naked truth to be witnessed and expressed.  True sustainability is here, now.  True sustainability is the notion that "You Are Perfect" just as you are - even with all of your human flaws and weaknesses.
 
To the contrary, true sustainability will not be discovered within the antiquated walls of a crumbling classroom while students sit in bored silence.   Rather, it will be found in the recognition that the teacher is simultaneously the pupil, in the working together, side by side by side, and in the sharing of all voices equally.  True sustainability will not be found in purchasing eco-conscious products while supporting a still-green economics.  Rather, it will be found in acknowledging that what we have right this very moment is enough.  And, true sustainability will not be located in the eco-tourism vacations to neighboring lands.  Rather, it will be found in sitting down to a daily tea with your elderly neighbor, in smiling at a passing face, and in breathing through the uncomfortable rush that tells us to do otherwise.  Yes, I do speak from experience - at least where my health and well-being are concerned.

After my mental health breakdown, I re-committed myself to both the language of the dance and the same loyal community - week after week and year after year.  The anxiety and depression eventually dissipated.  Meanwhile, I returned to see my gynecologist and she found nothing but a tilted uterus.  Nonetheless, I remain vigilant - the garden of my soul requires much nurturing, care and work.  

It also needs you.
 And, it needs you to churn, till and rake your soil, as well.  
 In these coming times, let's sustain each other.