I used to be ugly.
I wasn't born that way. In fact, I've had a sense of my essence ever since I was
a little girl. Drawn to music and harmony, I intuitively knew that it was a metaphor
for the LOVE that burned deep inside of me - below all of the walls of defenses that time was slowly beginning to erect around my heart and body.
At around 15 years old, when the focus on my external, feminine makeup became too extreme, I began teetering in the direction of painful ugliness. I became a monster.
I focused too much on how I appeared and on how much male attention I received. I spent too much time planning outfits, planning moments, planning the future.
Dipping overboard into a woeful penchant of "me me me'ism," all that mattered was how I looked, who looked at me and how they looked at me. As a result, my own sister didn't want me in her wedding.
Ouch. That hurt.
Now, I am surrounded by ugly people who think they are beautiful. Suffering from the same selfishness that I once demonstrated, these others think only of themselves as they move through the world. Sadly confused, they've forgotten how to give as they wrongly think that attention from the opposite sex means something. (It doesn't.) These people don't make for good friends. Still, I forgive them for their trespasses (because I forgive myself for once having done the same) and I also choose to still love them. However, I've finally learned that COMPASSION begins with ME. So, I am learning how to LOVE from a distance.
I am also surrounded by beautiful people who think they are ugly. Sadly mistaken, they think that because they have soft curves or flawed skin that they are somehow "less than." Even though these others show up powerfully in the world by giving back to our community, by educating youth and more, they too still fall victim to the brainwashing of an imbalanced society that values force and material resources over gentle relating.
As women, "BEAUTY" was stolen from us and sold back in the guise of external products. "Your personality IS your makeup," is how one teen
girl said it this past weekend. When I was her age, I traded
in my personality and I lost too many years of real intimacy as a
result.
Separated from our deep sense of knowing, we willingly hand over our power every time we fall into "the monster" trap. "Ideal Feminine Beauty," as we all know, has little to do with outer appearance. TRUE BEAUTY is a deep regard for all living things, including this planet. It is a sweet caring and a nurturing nudge. It is our birthright. Join me in reclaiming it!!!!
