It's a path, certainly.
This now.
We're moving quickly, with currents equally pulling either towards self-realization, emotional growth and personal transformation or down into the pummeling somersaults of karmic tumbling - over and over again, our heads chasing our tails.
This now -
it's a choice, you know?
(which do you choose?)
It's taken me 35 years to arrive here.
And that, too, has been quite a journey.
I wasn't just born into a violent society, I was raised experiencing
its stinging slap across my face, its welts and bruises,
it's hair pulling and mouth washing ways. It's putdowns and shutups,
its aggression and force. Suffice it to write, my learning how
to walk this path of non-violence has not been easy
and I am grateful for every moment of it.
The movement of the past week has been filled with palpable agitation ~
we are at a rubbing up against that, if we allow it to, can give birth to a whole new way.
What are we pushing for?
(what vision, for yourself and others, are you building toward? see it in your mind's eye, now.)
Me? - I'm dancing my ass off for peace, love and harmony.
It may sound cliche, yet there's a beauty as well as a truth that I feel deep in my heart - one that resides in our hugging and kissing, in our soft surrender and vulnerable caresses, in our giving honest
voice to our natural discomforts as our loyal commitment for allowing ourselves to be human, while honoring that we are merely spiritual beings having a human experience, illuminates our way.
So, this week, even when I felt judged; even when I felt crooked fingers of manipulation and shame pointing in my direction; and even when I metaphorically felt, once again, slapped across my face, I breathed in and KNEW - my essence is LOVE. And, none of this is "truth." So, I dig deep and tap in to who I know myself to be in this world - a woman who plays so %^&*()# HUGE that she will not perpetuate violence in her actions, words or deeds towards an other. (Not any longer, at least.)
Thank God for my dogs. Sweet Pea offered another perspective yesterday as I walked her, and her brother, around their Clairemont neighborhood. For way too long now, I've been "resourceful" with a broken leash. During yesterday's walk, Sweet Pea got off her leash and went careening after a sweet, little kitty. For fleeting moments, I found myself experiencing deep feelings of being moved off of my center - I felt anger. I was so mad at Sweet Pea, yet I immediately knew that I could not blame her. It was my fault for not having a sufficient tool for managing my dog.
As I dug below my anger, I felt sick to my stomach as well as a penetrating sadness for the fact that, because of my lack of action, that kitty could now be physically hurt. And, I recognize how, when I don't own my power - when I do not step up to take care of business, when I create invisible barriers (such as financial ones), when I blame others, when I do not assert my boundaries and clarify my expectations, when I do not protect my innocent self or others - I am also creating a ripple effect of unintended dis-harmonious consequences.
So, I'm still learning how to balance myself upon this new terrain. And, it's still not easy - my tooth still hurts, I'm in the den of a bully and I don't own my Power, yet. I'll let you know how it goes.
