It's LOVE backwards, baby!
What if you were given every single moment leading up to this one
purposefully?
What if you were gifted all of your experiences in this lifetime, now, as a means to grow?
What if everything that hurts you, heals you?
What then?
What if you committed to your own destiny? And to a path of the highest good for all?
What now?
Yes, what (a) now.
I began feeling today as though I was going to write about "Ethical BANKRUPTCY."
It's what I awoke with my dreams telling me to do
(and something else about "the Metabolism of a Goat," too. ?!?! I dunno.)
Instead, I am forced to deal with FEAR. With militarism, men, violence, disease and war!
Usually, I like to avoid these things - I like to pretend they don't exist. AND, I like to invite them into my life just so I can ask myself, "Cara, are you really a Medicine Woman? Or, are you just talk?"
I can smell the fear. It smells like a sweetly toxic perfume, filling our living room with its putrid scent. I can feel the fear. It calls my cell phone (Oh, yeah: I got a new phone - same line. Doh! - I was reacting to another's rejection of me, what can I type?), sounding the alarm for painstaking moments when I am working with others in a small space or as I am riding my black cruiser along Harbor Drive. It's five calls in twenty minutes time.
I can hear the fear - it wobbles in her voice, its stuck in her belly. A centuries-old roar trapped within skin and bone. And, I allow the fear because its natural. It's also normal - especially given her experience of working for the military; with servicemen on the upkeep of their bodies and in the maintenance of their physical health. It's normal given the roof that caved in on her head, as she rode in an armored vehicle through Afghanistan, sending broken shards of nose cartilage flying into her brain. The pain and trauma her body is still re-living through is normal, too.
So, this is what this day brings - each day, something new. Someone who needs my attention, my love, my support. FUCK! I don't know how I am going to navigate through this terrain and, chances are, I will fuck up. I make so many mistakes because
I don't know what I'm doing - I'm simply following the Universe's directions, here.
