"What you see is your reflection," she says.
"Yes, the truth of this statement dawned on me long ago," is what I think,
but I don't respond to her directly. Her spite, spewed like a hissing snake,
is enough to have me running for a washroom where I can purge myself of her
feigned mother nature.
This morning, I recognize how much easier it is for me to see the vampiric
reflections, to see the dark take-take-taking of my own soul. I fell, hard,
for this shadow self last summer. Immediately, I saw it - I saw him - for what we were, and for how it is. In the process, I have been learning how to love ~ how to wrap my arms around my own shadows and press harder, especially when a desire to point an extended finger and exclaim, "You you you," grips my be-ing. "Me me me," however, is ultimately all it ever is. Nonetheless, two vampires do not make a right and so I made the required left turn, out of his bedroom and away from the metaphorical darkness. Lifetime experience has shown me that my own vampiricism does little to serve the long-term sustainability of my squelched spirit.
Lately, however, the reflections I have been glimpsing have been of Gods in men's clothing. The lights in their eyes beam, their smiles expand and their vulnerable hearts melt the mere mortals with whom they engage. I, too, sit like putty across from their grand presence. I, too, wobble in my weak humanity as I erroneously once again believe that these Godly men exist outside of me.
As a woman, it is relatively easy to bear witness to the Earth Goddess Mama, as well as to the wise-witchy-woman stirring a magical elixir of planetary aromas, within.
But, God? God, I have been taught, is male. God is man, the Sun/Son, the life upon which an Earthdaughter revolves. He who is not me. Yet, when I look closer, when I wipe off the illusion of my own breath that has fogged the looking glass mirror, yet again what I spy is always and ever ME - a mere reflection. Waiting to be acknowledged. Hoping to be brought forth, to my breast, from where he has sprung, and held, rocked and swayed until the separation melts and we are both
One.
We are both once again
One.
We are
One.
(Don't you see?)
