Be~ing Like Water

By the Oceanside, Summer 2011

For far too long, the thoughts that coursed through my BodyMind had deep emotional traction.  "You suck!" my mind would shout, for no-one else to hear, in response at my inability to shift the pattern of reveling in excitement and a euphoric high in one moment and then falling into a depressed and apathetic state in another.  "You can't do anything right," I'd openly berate my ailing spirit when I would trip on the the natural mistakes that are par for course in living any life.  Freezing up, I would refuse to budge or take another risk.  Stymied by my own fear, I would sit, unmoving and paralyzed, as life seemingly passed me by.  These damaging words, and actions, became an epitaph.  Scrawled across a heavy tomb that I willingly dragged along behind me, I rarely escaped its dread.  For years on end, I suffered in a fate imposed by only ME.

Sometimes, however, our breaking points can be the personal breakthroughs we need in order to quit knocking our heads against the same, closed door.  (Which many would describe as "insanity.")  The question, then, becomes, "When has the bottom finally fallen out?"  It's a highly charged, volatile moment - the second you recognize that you can no longer go on the way you have been; the moment when you WAKE UP and notice that there is another, open door right beside you.  And, it's a bitter irony, too.  Personally, I wish we didn't have to force ourselves into situations, such as contracting the HIV virus (as is the case for a man I met a number of months ago), in order to turn toward that unlocked door and walk right on through.

Fortunately for all of us, this August 2011 is a prime time, universally speaking, for doing exactly this - for paying attention to the narrow confines that we have placed ourselves within and for taking responsibility for the ripple effect that our lives, and our movement through this world, have.  Now is the time.  In service, I offer you a few steps in what has been my process over the course of the past two years.  I do this because, although it has not been easy, there is a recent liberation that I have been experiencing.  Although I still don't know what I am doing and even though I still trip and make plenty of mistakes, I have been sinking into an equanimity of Be~ing in which my thoughts and emotions surge into my BodyMind, like the tide, and then roll on out again.  There is no longer any tidal waves, or tsunamis, that blow me off my course or knock me off of my center.  Rather, I simply notice when my mind is trying to play the games of my past - attempting to scold me, or emotionally abuse me.  And, these days, I quickly become bored of trying to entertain them - for they no longer have the hold or power over me as they once did.  This goes for the words of others, as well.  It's refreshing - diving in to life around me; trusting that I am exactly where I am meant to be; and intuiting that everything is unfolding just as it was meant to.  It's relaxing to sit back and allow life to JUST BE - without forcing my way or stressing over an outcome.  

JOIN ME!

1.) Commit fully to the path of your highest good.  Only you know what this is.   

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.”  The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho     

2.) Take up a meditative practice of sitting in silence and stillness, daily.  
You can include prayer in this practice to help focus your mind. 

I have a 5-pronged prayer that I regularly offer and ask for.  It includes my long laundry list of GRATITUDE.  I take full stock of all that I am grateful for in my life, including the hardship. 
I ask for:
Protection for all living things as I envision a golden-orb of light surrounding my Self, my loved ones, San Diego and, even, our planet;
Courage, Strength and Wisdom in walking my path and in following my Heroine's Journey;
and, of course, LOVE. 
Lastly, I bow in deep reverence, with my head touching the Earth, and I offer my Self in SERVICE.  I am here to Serve, and I ask to be wielded as a channel, a conduit and a messenger.  My job is to listen and receive the messages from the Universe as they arrive in the form of Synchronicity and Omens.
I also have a mantra that I repeat with my prayer and meditation.  It goes something like this:
"For thou art Great, thou art Divine, thou art the Mystery of all that is."

3.)  Recognize when you are responding and moving through the world from the place of the "NO," or "negative" energy.  Usually, this looks like responding from one's defenses; being reactive (versus proactive); and simply saying, "No.  But.  I can't.  It's impossible."  Then, shift this energy toward the positive, "YES, And?"  "Yes, I'm tired and I am getting up because there is a day to be lived."  "Yes, I am frustrated because I am tired.  Please forgive my lack of patience and short-temper - it's not personal."  YES AND... yes, and?  YES.  And.

4.)  Discipline yourself to be able to sit in discomfort when it arises. 
For it is within the turbulence of change where true transformation takes place.