Deepening Into Trust

Downtown San Diego's New Central Library Comes into Being

 

Summer's shadow illuminates a burgeoning skyline as I rub up against some of my angular  (mis)conceptions.  Fear gnaws at my resolve, and a small current of thin tears runs down my cheeks.  Contrary to how it may appear, I'm not as strong or as secure as I portray myself to be.  True to my human form, I too have my darkness - an inauthentic side that has spent far too long being out of integrity.  It's why I preach from my soapbox pulpit so stridently about the merits and importance of balance and sustainability.  What are these ideals that I strive for?  I do not know.  Yet, I intuit their importance as I attempt to speak them into my life.  (So much "talk, talk, talking...")  And, now, as I deepen into the dance of intimacy - with my Self, first and foremost, with this space known as the Prosperity Hive and with an Other - I question my ability to trust.  As one of my dear friends, a ShaktiRising apprentice who I teach dance to weekly, said just today, "It's ironic considering how trusting of the Universe - how "all is unfolding according to divine perfect order" - I've become."  Yes, indeed.   

Thus, in lieu of another "dance" class, I shared my current struggle and my sweet girl-friends resonated with the theme.  "Let's practice trusting, then," I shared.  "Let's go for a trust walk through Golden Hill Park."  They were eager and happy to oblige.  Under a southern sun, we took turns guiding one another, by sound and touch, around the grassy knoll.  We led each other up to towering trees, across warm pavement and underneath languishing branches as we embodied a sinking in to the five senses and a full presence - of Body, Mind and Spirit - to the Earth's natural abundance and to the simplicity of what is.  We were comforted by the shadow as well as the light; we discovered mutual delight in the innocence of pure abandon; and we knew, more than anything, that our partners had our back - no matter what.   


With my eyes closed, I daringly climbed tree trunks and smelled foliage.  Unafraid of what may come, I walked toward the vibrations of grass and leaves rustling under foot and of wood, rock and glass being wielded like musical instruments.  I reached out with my hands and I followed with my heart.  I remembered that trusting can be as simple as innocent curiosity.  I recalled the intention of simply wanting to know "What would happen if..."  And I allowed this to be my guide.  Afterward, once we had broken our commitment to silence, we spoke in reflection upon the experience that had just transpired.  And, I shared, "Now, allow me to apply this to my everyday..."