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| We Are Not Robots...Or Zombies |
As human beings, we are deeply feeling and sensing beings. Life affects us. It penetrates our skin and fascia, moves through muscle and bone and taps into our cells. At this dawning of the 21st century, a chaotic timber of multi-media assaults our senses daily and has reached a deafening pitch. These invisible airwaves inundate our very ways of being in this world with norms, beliefs and dogmas that come from outside of us. This constant stimulation fosters an inability to hear the silence and the stillness that also surround us and, as a result, we have become numb. (For goodness sake, Pink Floyd was singing about this back in the 80s.)
We no longer remember how to listen to our own Selves, how to tap into the deep wisdom of universal consciousness that resides in each of us and how to Just Be together. Instead, we throw up our walls, and climb into the false reality of "individuality" that our car culture and mass consumption endeavors. Consequently, we're sad, lonely, depressed and frustrated. Yet, somehow, we still keep believing that if we buy into it, we'll get our just reward: the castle in the sky, filled to the brim with riches and gold yet missing the key element that gives our lives meaning - Each Other. Relationships are what feed us.
So, yes, this week I am sad. I am mourning the loss of a relationship that has forever marked my life - for the better. And, though, I appreciate the kicks in the butt that remind me to not perpetuate my own patterns of imbalance - of wavering too far over in the "process" of Life - I recognize the importance of my feeling this, now. My pain is steeped less in any feelings of failure, or guilt and more in the noticing of how my shadows showed up over the course of the past eight months. I'm upset at all of the projecting that I did - because, really, all I was doing was not being compassionate or loving to myself. All I have been doing is not accepting traits in my Self that are hard to swallow. So, I allow myself to feel because I want to grow, I want to learn and I do not desire to perpetuate these same mistakes. I give thanks and deep gratitude to Shakti as she departs from the Hive and flies on to wherever her lovely Spirit carries her. She is a true gem who brightens and enlivens every space she enters.
Last Sunday night, I attended a friend's birthday celebration where he gathered his community around him in a circle because he wanted to share his deep vulnerability and his fear of, essentially, dying alone - without that One, loyal, committed partnership. That night, a wise woman spoke of the silly standards that we can all erect in our decisions for who we choose, and choose not, to love. She shared how we project onto others the qualities that we so desperately want for ourselves. "Instead of reaching out for someone to give us these," she said, "we can just notice our needs and fill our own cups up - from the inside out."
This transition now, of bearing witness to Shakti moving all of her stuff (which I complained too much about. "You and all of your stuff," I'd point my finger) out of the Hive today, has me feeling, deeply. Intimacy - IN TO ME I SEE - is the most immediate mirror for deepening into our Selves. The reflection is Magnified in the tight living space of the 1500' foot Prosperity Hive as well as with the attempt at creating a business together. It's PAINFUL - looking at myself.
So, I am upset because I have been judgmental and rigid. I have continually bristled at:
a Lack of Practice - where's MY practice?;
Self-Indulgence - as a friend recently pointed out, this online writing of mine is highly self-indulgent;
an Inability to Show Up to One's Work and, thus, One's Self - "How am I not showing up?" is the real question;
and more.
I RECOMMIT TO MY HIGHEST GOOD AND TO DEEPER COMPASSION AND LOVE FOR MY SELF. And, I share this with you because, as the wise woman told me over the phone yesterday, when we share our vulnerabilities with each other we fulfill the COMMUNICATION piece of the COMMUNITY PIE. I write my experiences in this world as service so that you can learn from both my tragedies and my triumphs.
YES, I am excited about the all of the possibilities that exist over this hump.
Yes, I am blessed and honored to call the Hive my home and my business.
WOW!
I receive.
Thank You, Dear God.
Yes, and...
I am not a robot. I do not get up everyday and apply a mask of "positivity" as the mantra "money money money" plays out in my BodyMind. And, I am not a ZomBee - mindlessly marching forward to the whims of an outside force.
I am a HUMAN BEING ~
JOIN ME!
