I posted a video to youtube the other day. Maybe you've seen it, & maybe you haven't. I have yet to check back on Facebook to read the responses that have apparently been offered in response to it. The reason for that is because my intention in creating the video was not for attention or for advise. Rather, over the course of the past few years, dear friends from my dance community have taught me about the power of speaking my honest feelings. One night, while sharing community in a conversational circle, I spoke of my deep hurt of having, at that time, been "dumped" by a man that the Universe "accidentally" bumped me into - ours was a head-on, full collision that, to this day, still haunts my dreams. To my amazement, giving honest voice to my pain helped to dis-spell some of the power that was being held in my BodyMind.
Also, truth be told, I have not returned to see what others have to say about the video because, part of me, still fears my own vulnerability. I was raised by a woman who taught me to swallow my feelings, to stuff my e-motion and to cover it all up with food and then purge it, when necessary, with media. Tears were not considered sacred, rather they were something to be embarrassed about. I've always played tough and strong and growing up in my parent's household it was what I had to do to survive the pleasure in pain that both my mother and brother (and, eventually, me) perpetuated. As for my father, he too was cut off from his own feelings - thanks to alcohol, primarily - even though he primarily embodies the gentle nature of the lion.
Learning how to feel again isn't simple. And, what I keep running into is a society that wants me to continue with the misogyny and madness. But I refuse to allow my eyes to look at the front page of the New York Times - where, just today, an image of Afghani women and children are laying in pools of blood as dead and war-torn bodies lay strewn about - and to feel nothing. The pain and suffering in this image is my own! For we are all inextricably connected and what affects one of US, affects all of US.
Until I can feel the pain of Others as my own, I remain detached and cut off from true reality! And, this act - of demonstrating my real emotions without fear and without shame or guilt - is the way that I choose to OCCUPY. It's my singular act of defiance in a culture that endorses a two-dimensional way of bee-ing in a world that is shifting our humanity into resembling more of the robotic nature of the technology that we are creating. Feeling Deeply is my singular act of Rebellion and Defiance. This is my Revolution! And, damn it, I hope you'll join me!
(Fine, here's the video - in case you missed it.)
