Last night, Has returned home from a day's work as I sat typing in a darkened front room. She had spent the past weekend up in L.A., at her mom's home, and then I spent the past few days in North County playing mom to a ten-year-old. So, we hadn't seen each other in awhile. She walked in and excitedly gasped when she saw me. We embraced - a huge, bountiful hug - kissed each other, and told each other how beautiful we each were and how much we loved each other. Then, we played catch up on the currents of swift moving time that had floated under the bridge since we last spoke.
I shared with her how, even in the midst of all of the turbulence that I am currently wading through - including sitting with my deep core wounds, resigning from real-time relationships and experiencing physical pain, in my neck, as a result - I have continually been locating and accessing my center. I have not found myself caught up or swirling within chaos. Rather, I have had a laser beam focus in the middle of this storm. My third-eye is wide open. For I have arrived into a place that is truly quite profound yet simple,
"I LIKE MYSELF."
I like who I am. I like my culture - my way of being in this world that I have created and that is steeped in honor of the past, celebration of the present and that holds the future sacred. A way of being in the world that is derived from years spent in contemplation and study, in reading and writing, in listening and traveling and in real-time human experience. I hold this feeling - of liking me - at my Don Tien. It is is my root, sex & navel chakras. It is where Source energy courses. No matter what comes my way - the judgment, rejection, the anger, and defenses, the pain and drama - I hold this knowing deep in my belly. I LIKE WHO I AM - there's nothing more.
Has has been one of the most amazing reflections for learning this - a gift from the course of this past year. We'd been friends for years, but living with another - in daily intimacy & interaction - is the tell tale sign of one's true embodiment. At Las Raices, we six women deepened into sisterhood as well as our own selves by coming together, on June 5th, and declaring that our collective & personal healing was our communal intention. As a result, we co-created a fast-moving vortex that has been spiraling up, spitting us each out and on our merry ways. Kenzie left last week and is now firmly rooted in her adventure in Chiapas and with the Zapatistas. Our lease at Las Raices ends on December 31st, so transition is once again here and it just may bring with it Has' departure from San Diego, as well.
We spoke into this last night and how sad we will be to lose each other as a vital part of our everyday lives. Yet, we acknowledge that we will always be together - that time is simply an illusion. So, we agreed to live the next two months to the fullest - dripping LOVE from moment to moment. "I Love You." "You're amazing!" "Thank you for the deep space you hold for me." "I am so happy you are my sister and friend." Are there moments when we've disagreed? Yes, and we simply state our truths without a negative charge attached - we're authentic and respectful. It's easy. And, this is the true victory on this national election day.
I was raised in fear. Being chased around coffee tables by a mad woman threatening to beat me. Having my mouth washed out with soap. Being beaten with a paint stirrer and a leather belt. My father inquiring, "What are you, a whore?" when at eleven-years-old I adorned my ears with dangling earrings. My mother - yelling, always yelling - "You bitch!" Then, there was the world outside of my parent's home. How is one to possibly know what compassion, gentleness and LOVE are given the American way and the western paradigm?
Navigating all of this terrain has required deep soul searching - a journey towards self-discovery and what LOVE really looks, feels, and sounds like.
VICTORY is LIVING IN LOVE.
So, Has and I gave each other high-fives, not because of the election results, but for the emancipation of our own mental slavery that had kept us perpetuating the violence and disease of our pasts and for the liberation of our own full, vibrant, loving & happy SOULS into a future of our own co-creation where we expect nothing and are prepared for everything
