A "Christmas Ceremony" was held here,
underground the Hive, on Christmas evening.
I wanted so badly - i needed -
a "transcendental, spiritual experience".
I wanted to transcend - to move beyond - this Be-ing human,
and into an "enlightened" state of pure
love, compassion, light and positive vibration. I wanted time to melt,
and to feel all of the self-imposed separation between
me and you, between good and bad, right and wrong,
to evaporate -
like water molecules being turned into a gas.
Yet, as hard as i tried - to sit in meditation, to pose in posture,
to be still and silent, to listen in the dark - i just couldn't
escape
my annoyance, the frustration, and a real
lack of compassion.
So, i sat in it.
And, i stewed.
"Damn him," i judged.
"What makes him think he is so entitled as to just take
from me?"
The epitaphs ran rampant.
"Why is she so insecure? And, that other one just plain crazy?"
I couldn't let go.
(What were all these looking glasses reflecting?)
Thus, i continued to sit in it.
For i intuitively understand that whatever it is that my mind is perceiving, that my body is feeling and that my spirit is whining about, it is always and ever about "Me."
It is I who is not content.
It is I who is dissatisfied.
It is I whose needs are not being met.
