TIME heals HURT

The Scales of a Love Bruise (or, a picture of the inside of my left calf)

Yesterday offered the opportunity to haphazardly throw around the word "FU¢K!"  It's an appropriate four-letter word to wield, especially after one has been bitten by a rattlesnake or, even, when life just simply bites.  I observed how fear coursed through my Bodymind when I chose to share the words in that post because they were not necessarily "positive."  Yet, I'd be lying to you - and to me - if I only shared what is comfortable, fun and enjoyable.

The healing that the past week and a half has offered has not simply been personal.  It's also been an opportunity to heal some of the rifts in my relationships with others where I have behaved defensively and I have emotionally struck out.  What Rattlesnake taught me is that s/he was only doing what it needed to, in that moment.  How could I ever judge it adversely for its actions?  It follows, then, that I can forgive myself for unintentionally hurting others.

People inquire if I am going stir-crazy but visitors have been dropping by my parent's house regularly.  One afternoon offered an opportunity for healing between my ex and myself.  He looks freakin' amazing, like a strong, healthy man, and I felt the tears rising during his visit.  I waited for his exit for them to spill, however, as I checked in with myself.  "Why are you sad, Cara?" I inquired, because my heart feels happiness for his wedding engagement and how physically vibrant he now is.  

I cried, fat, copious tears, because I felt so sad that I couldn't offer him the gentle, nurturing love of my Divine Feminine from our get go.  Mistakenly, people all too often point their fingers at me and claim, "Courageous," but one of my truths is that I am as cowardly a lion as the Wizard of Oz produced.  My fear, and my refusing to act because I am afraid, continually bites me - though not necessarily always in the butt.  ; )  
Thus, the release of all of this has been a shedding of skin that has been long in the coming.

In all of my recent reflecting on "LOVE," what I keep coming back to is the recognition that we are each in our own places of bee-coming and that we can only offer what we can ~ given where we are.  The question then becomes, "Can I let go of my desire and expectations of reciprocation from this specific reflection and simply trust that it will come back to me when, and from where, it is divinely meant to?"  Of course I can.