For the past few years, I've held this judgment in.
Initially, it was the Joker-like grin of another staring into the eye of a camera that set off my immediate alarm as the metallic resonance of the word "INAUTHENTIC!!!!" rang in my mouth. However, it's also been the celebrity culture statements of Instagram, Tweets and Facebook posts that have had me shaking my head in disdain. "They're so fake" I'd lament. Even when I was, sometimes, embarrassed to find my own name being listed. ; )
Then time slips by, change happens and the only guise I see looking back at me is my own.
It's a painfully bitter pill to swallow.
"Ouch!" I retract from myself. "You mean, I was judging myself the whole time?"
"FU$K."
Yeah.
So, here I sit and stew within a life that is just not working. Sustainability appears to be a lofty ideal located light years away. It doesn't feel good, even as it seems necessary. I guess it's the only way forward - this acknowledgment of all that is broken as well as a dire need to forgive myself, first and foremost. After all, to contradict one's self is human. Perhaps these days, I can continue to simply celebrate that by allowing myself to show up in the world exactly as who I am - a HUMAN Bee~ing - I come a little bit closer to being "real."
The difference between now and then, however, is that I'm no longer going to sacrifice the rife opportunities that surround me. There's a vision I hold dear and although I'm nowhere near it yet, I glance around me and notice...
I'm sleeping next to a true Queen of sustainability and I'm working beside a real powerhouse.
So, I must bee on to something.
