I'm imperfect, by all means. "Perfectly flawed and flawlessly
imperfect," is how I've said it for awhile now. I take more than my fair
share, even as I am provided for magnificently by the Universe, this
planet and others. I can take too much, especially from my own Mother.
So, I try and include her in my life, in my friendships & in my
on-goings. You'll see her in my pictures, in a video of me dancing, at
the Vagina Monologues production and more. I try and take
responsibility in my relationship with her by saying "I'm sorry" when
I've behaved UGLY (because I am human) or simply because she
needs to hear it. I offer kisses and an "I love you" when I can. I'm
still learning how to SOFTEN SOFTEN soften in this most
primal of dances which mistakenly taught me that avoiding and
suppressing VULNERABILITY is forward movement.
(When, in fact, it is actually stagnation.)
I
also take too much from our Mother ~ sucking up & out her
precious, internal resources as I fill gas tank after gas tank with
petroleum or as I consume plastics at an irresponsible & reckless
rate. So, I try to not own a vehicle. I try to rely on alternative
forms of transportation, like a bicycle (Oh!! Especially like a
bicycle!), and I try to re-use a lot a lot a lot. I've learned
resourcefulness and how to make lemonade from lemons. I'm doing the
best I can and I can always do better.
It's been three months since the Prosperity Hive leaped out of the Art Center, two months since I was bitten by a rattlesnake and now I'm blessed to find myself living cooperatively in a lovely, craftsman home on a hill above downtown San Diego where the garden is flourishing and chickens strut and with five other women, including two farmers who fill our kitchen with locally grown produce every week. It's a true embodiment of my heart-felt value system. And, soon enough, we'll have a beehive in our backyard, too. ; )
In my imperfection, I've also
spent too much time judging others and, as a result, I reap the seeds that I
have sown with my own two hands. Staring my hypocrisy in the
face doesn't feel good, yet what I'm learning is that the others with
whom I have had preconceived "negative" notions about are exactly those
who I am learning the biggest life lessons from and with. Funny how that happens.
So,
even in my fragile and contradictory state, I am offered the
opportunity for deepening into what I know to be a truth.
I say "I love YOU" because every place my eyes
fall upon is simply a reflection of me.
And, these days, I'm just trying the best I
can to show up and
LOVE ME...
