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| Sportin' an Organic Tattoo |
Fu$k! This black water dragon year is no joke. It's only been four months since the Hive was booted out of the Art Center. That was hell, truth be told. I felt completely abandoned by so many who thought only of their needs or projects when it was time for "fun" sleepovers and potluck dinners, yet were conspicuously absent when the work of having to clean, pack and move was imminent. Granted, I didn't ask for help ~ I guess I just always assume that we'll pitch in and do what needs to be done in order to sustain our community. (Kind of like the way I move through the world -
others don't always ask me to step forward and lead; to pick up trash along the coastline on my own time, for example. I just do - because it needs to be done.) However, when I don't ask, I refuse others the opportunity for growth and deepening. I get that now. In a lot of ways, I believe that was part of the gift of the rattlesnake medicine dose that I received just one month later.
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| Welcome Home! ~ to the Roots Collective |
Suffice it to type, I felt 110% depleted by the experience of the Hive, in so many ways. I was grateful to have a friend's nourishing Carlsbad apartment to rejuvenate myself within for the first half of March. Both RadSab and SA spent a night, or two, there with me, preparing for their departure to the SxSW Music Festival. Radsab entered the apartment and exclaimed, "I was wondering where you would fall, Cara. And, here you are - in a place that mirrors the Hive's high vibration." I can't say the same thing about my parent's house, however - where I spent two months recuperating from my venomous bite. And, c'est la vie - I recognize now how vitally important it is for me to have a sense of the place within which we are culturally situated. The "reality" that we buy so willingly and that is sold to us so offensively is far from the truth that resides deep in my heart.
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| Chard & Painting, anyone? |
I have been struggling to land, of late, and it's a bit painful because here I am in exactly the place where I am meant to bee - sharing a gorgeous, craftsman home on a hill above downtown San Diego with five, amazing women, three chickens and a flourishing garden. Wow! Thank you, Universe! I RECEIVE. And, I've been too hard on myself - judging me for my own inauthenticity and human contradiction. Yesterday, one of my sweetest sistahs held space for me as I released what is a true sickness from my Spirit. "I'm so tired of feeling like I am of little worth because of money," I cried. "Especially when my power is so authentic. My life giving force is situated in my bee-ing - it is my birthright and it is deeply entwined in my relationship with this planet."
Yes, I surrender ~ to what is REAL.
