I almost caused a car accident yesterday.
Highly agitated and lacking presence, I nearly merged into someone on the I-15.
Ironically, I was headed to a meeting with T, who was in her own
car accident just last week. While socializing before our bi-monthly gathering of tribal sisterhood and truth telling, I consumed a glass and a half of wine as a way of soothing my discomfort. It was a temporary relief.
I'm currently staring my ugliness, my fakeness and my lack of showing up full in the face and it sucks. It's painful to look at my own disempowerment - to see how I have been avoiding sharing the fullest of my expression by hiding, always hiding, and to recognize how everything that comes back to me is simply a reflection of all of this. I've been on my own shit list for way too long. Yet, here I still sit, immobilized by fear and loathing.
So, this morning, T hosts a conference call during which she gives voice to her own lack of authenticity and self-worth. Her excruciating vulnerability gives me permission to do the same. Not long after, as I sat down to write about my recent reflections in my most trusted journal, my cell phone rings. I think it's the Universe calling because at 11:00am the number reads "000-000-1111." "Our number is up," I think, as I reflect on how we've been brought together, now, to help each other EVOLVE.
Then, when I begin to finish this blogpost - a task I've been struggling to complete this week due to my extremely disharmonious state, even though your pageviews from Colombia to China, from the United Arab Emirates to Brazil, and from the Ukraine to India let me know that you're here waiting - she texts.
"What are my 3 best qualities?" she wants to know. "Commitment, purpose and drive," I quickly respond. "Yours are power, love and generosity," she easily replies. And, I don't know what's to come, however I'm feeling that TRUST seems to bee all I can do now.
