after giving myself a long weekend off.
It's an interesting place where fiction is reality
and where I can sometimes feel so bombarded by the online
community of faces, many of whom also greet my person in the real world.
With the advent of my menstrual cycle, I also found myself recently
talking and/or writing too much about others. Case in point: the other
day, I was lamenting to O. about someone who pays "coaches" to tell her what to do, every step of the way. As I questioned this person's complete lack of creativity and outside-the-box thinking, I then turned my finger around and pointed it right back at me.
"Who am I to bee judging anyone?" I openly asked, as I just laughed at the reflection in the mirror and the humor of all of it. Ha ha hahahhaahahahahahahah.
And, this is the balancing point, right?
Our judgments are natural for we are human AND there is information to bee gleaned from every experience, whether we live it directly or not. We can allow ourselves to bee human and judgmental - there is no need to judge ourselves for judging. Just let it bee. This past weekend, however, I had direct experience with someone who was so utterly confused as to what he wants that each time I openly asked him, "What do you want?" he kept talking about his ex-girlfriend and what she wanted. "Um, what do YOU want?" I kept countering. I felt my frustration grow at his inability to answer such an easy question and I recognized my shadow as I felt my desire to change him and, thus, me. Then, I realized that I can just accept each of us for where we are and let it go, in those moments.
In the morning, though, when I was walking along a southern California shoreline, I checked in with myself. "What do you want, Cara? What life are you creating for yourself?" In response and as a solution, I commited myself to a 70-day challenge. For the next 70 days, I will take active steps towards creating that which I want for myself. In order to do this, I need two things:
I need to know what I want and I need to have a vision for where I want to bee after those 70 days.
Are you ready?
I share here, and there, and everywhere - in words, in movement, in sound, in body - not as a means to hold tighter to the past but, rather, in hopes that, by sharing, I am releasing some of my personally stored trauma. I also trust our collective experience. We are not alone here. We share all of it together. My grief is your pain, and your joy is my celebration.
I share so that we may collectively heal, grow and, hopefully, learn to not perpetuate the mistakes of our past. This is my embodied example of "getting over it." It is my hope that you do your work to find yours.
