Exhaustion.
Depletion.
Anger.
Frustration.
Sadness.
Usually = Pre-Menstrual.
Oh, to bee of the Feminine Persuasion.
So, my blood flows red,
and I re-member ~
This is all par for course.
A cyclical change that all EarthBodies
flow through.
Again, the question comes down to:
"How can I just let myself bee in the process?"
The thoughts and feelings that once took hold in my gut
no longer have the traction they once did.
There's a healthy detachment here. And that unruly ego, the One that once caused so much self-imposed suffering, is noticeably absent. It still protects and defends with its potent doses of fear. What it no longer does, however, is to respond defensively when life simply unfolds.
Because Life Simply Unfolds.
As the triggers arise - since I am human and they do - I recognize them for what they are; merely 'information' to help me gain deeper clarity on what I both do and do not want.
Along this path, I am learning how to accept myself exactly as I am and, thus, offer this same acceptance to others. "I don't need to change myself to beecome 'better,'" is how my mantra goes. I don't need any more or any less of any one thing, or person. I am perfect now, exactly as I am (which is always imperfect).
In my early twenties, I had to strip away all that is associated with the socialized feminine in order to reclaim the power I had so easily given away. A woman's worth is not defined by the male gaze. I shaved my head; refused to shave and layered myself in clothes and fat. Who am I is for to me to define - not you, nor your media.
Today, I am once again stripping away the layers - taking off the clothes, exposing more flesh, willing to bee seen in all of my Feminine glory. You are welcome to throw roses, or tomatoes - in fact, I expect nothing less and nothing more. The only difference now is that I am releasing any notions of good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative. Instead, I am embodying my truth.
Raised and reared in a culture that idolizes abundance, yet perpetuates a premise of lack, the feelings and sense of scarcity are the one true, abundance that we all share. It's what makes our anger collective. I am simply willing to bee radically honest here. Look around you with unclouded eyes, my friend - heart disease; gun violence; depression and anxiety; the breakdown of community; the rise of isolation; the false beelief that consumption equals connection; all of these are by-products of our madness.
Anger is and can bee a catalyzing force, so long as you allow yourself to wake up from the stupor - from the childish desire for everything to bee okay; from your unwillingness to bee in your discomfort; to stand firm in your truth even as the world quakes around you; to bee judged and spit upon and laughed at and painted a black sheep. We are all lions in sheep's clothing. I want to hear you roar.
My roar is deep and guttural. It's located in an inner knowing that my value and my worth can not be dictated by any one or any thing outside of me. My value is found in how much I can give, in every given moment - how open can I rip my heart? How much blood, sweat and tears, can I leave beehind? Offering it all without fear of what is to come or what I will receive in return and, instead, with the deep satisfication that I gave my all. I GIVE MY ALL. No one can give me that, or take it away. This is true abundance and it is prosperity. All the rest is fabrication.
Enlightenment beegins here.
