There is this One
from my past
he loves film,
as in huge-budget Hollywood movies
starring that short-guy who thinks he is God.
(A typical male predicament.)
I don't like this kind of media, or this actor.
They are both stale, artificial and lacking real flavor
for my tastes.
As for the person I am referring to in my 'real' life,
our run-in was like a speeding car on the I-5 freeway
that temporarily loses control, veers into the
lane beeside it and right into the path of an oncoming car.
The only thing is, that was me in that oncoming car.
Speeding, yes - for I am usually pushing 10-15 miles over the limit -
but I mind the rules of the road. I am aware and ready.
In one heartbeat, I am driving along, singing, and content. In the next heartbeat, I notice
a black Mercedes sedan fly by me to my left. And in the very next heartbeat, the
speeding vehicle veers into my lane.
One beat. Two beat. Three beat
FOUR!
(ACT!
Respond.
Don't think.)
On four, however, the careless driver awoke to jerk his steering wheel
out of the lane I was driving in, at 80+ miles per hour, and back into his.
Meanwhile, my BodyMind responded by pulling my steering wheel to the right
and navigating into the four right hand lanes where, thankfully, there were no oncoming vehicles.
FIVE.
Our near collision led to his car doing nine, full 360 degree revolutions right beside
the freeway's cement divider. I watched it all, as I breathed deeply and felt the panic swirling
in my gut. Calmly, I pulled off at Del Mar's Via de la Valle exit and into a vacant parking lot
where I released a car load of screams, shouts and 'what the fucks!!!!'
This was three summers ago.
Mr. wanna-bee big-budget and I met less than a month after this experience took place.
Since then, I have had to actively construct meaning from the adversity of our connection - it's the only way to deal with the crushing blows and painful run-ins.
In many ways, I have him to thank for one of the cruxes of my spiritual awakening over the past few years. This kind of 'love,' though, isn't 'easy.' It means that One says, "Thank you, teacher," and blesses others on their way - especially when paths are on two very different courses.
