For too long now, I have hidden my gifts.
I have withheld them, and tucked them away.
I have refrained from offering them.
I've been afraid.
Deeply fearful of that which I ultimately want
which, like everyone else, is simple and basic -
I want love and attention -
my irrational and immature fears of being rejected and denied
have merely been
self-sabotage
for I have suffered greatly as a result of my own withholding.
When I do not offer my gifts
which is the deepest act of LOVE that I can commit
then I hurt myself. And, quite usually, I do not
receive the love and attention that I so crave, and need.
WE ALL NEED TOUCH & AFFECTION - it is a basic human necessity, ya'll!
So, although I may have gifts that are unique to me, I am not special in
any other way. I am human, just like you. I hurt and I bleed.
I seek and I desire. I love and I cry. I am here and I am gone.
I am present and I am missing.
Now, when I feel the sharp sting of the insecurities of others, the bite is less acute.
I'm learning how to keep offering, even when I'm told "No" and "but."
I'm giving myself permission to keep showing up in light of the laughter haughtily
flung in my haphazard direction. I'm rooting deeper into my own soul-consciousness
so that I am no longer blown around like a reed in the wind. In light of the judgment
flung at me and regardless of the contractions that are taking place as a result of my
own expansion, I keep TRYING ON LOVE.
And though it's scary, new terrain - it's liberating.
For it's the other half of my freedom
(that I have already spent a lifetime seeking).
It's here, n-o-w.
Balanced and full.
Still and powerful.
Ripe and destroyed.
In and out,
out and in,
over and over again.
Nothing more,
nothing less.
Just
this.
