So, by the end of this past Friday night, after nine hours spent giving my diligent presence coupled with the first full day of my cycle, I was already beyond exhausted. Nonetheless, I have a weekly commitment that I must tend to and, after spending all that time sitting on my ass, it felt so good to move my body! By Saturday morning, however, I was hurting. By the time I reached my destination for the day, I was besieged by a pounding migraine. The vomiting came next. All I wanted was a dark place to lay down and rest my eyes in but, apparently, the educational program I was enrolled in isn't set up to take care of human beings. I was encouraged to push on through my pain, but I could not be present to my partner. And, if you know me, then you know what a stickler I am about presence. So, I went outside to rest in my car. I awoke and regurgitated again. "Screw it," I thought. "My health is way more important than this." So, I drove myself the forty-miles back up north, vomiting into a cup while I drove. By 1pm, I was in bed. I regurgitated once more before sleeping through the rest of the night. I felt a bit more myself at my usual waking hour of 6:30am this morning.
After refueling my body with tea, yogurt, a bath and rest, I headed south once more to see if I could participate in the program that I had signed up for. No such luck, as I was given the boot for simply being human. "You should have planned ahead," some moron tried to preach to me this morning. Yes, the world's leading transformational thought program kicked me out of it! Jesus H. Christ - are you &^%$#@! kidding me?!?!
So, instead, I arrived into my weekly, regular community (aka dance church) an hour late. And there, I was greeted with hugs, and kisses. There, I was showered with adoration, respect and love. There, these others, whom I have been having conversations in the dance with for years now, showed me just how much they value my Be-ing, my worth. With them, I don't have to be anyone other than who I am. With them I don't have to prove anything. I am loved for simply being me.
And, at the end of our time together, I shared. I shared with them that although I have never felt safe, supported or really, truly loved in this kind, caring and deeply compassionate way, I now do. For it is with them that I have been learning, over the course of these past four years, what it means to be a sister and to have brothers. Instead of a room full of strangers who, more than likely, I'd never see again, I expressed one of my truths with those who are nearest and dearest to me, and with whom I have helped to create, hold and maintain the transformational space that we all move in together, three times a week. To each of them, I blew a kiss and said, "I love you."
Yes. I do believe I have made it through the portal.
