"It is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting.
And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."
--from Paolo Coelho's The Alchemist
Recently, a few of my brothers have been posing thought-provoking questions.
They've been inquiring as to if I am fulfilled in this life and openly wondering how my relationships are in their attempts at scratching the surface in order to get at something deeper. Funny, these men. I ponder what they're sniffing at. At three-three years-old, am I to be lamenting my fate of being unmarried and childless? Am I to cry and scream about where I have stuck myself? Am I to be unhappy simply because my life does not model contemporary society around me? Shall I scold and berate myself for my superficial differences? Once upon a time, I use to fall into such detrimental ego trappings. Once upon a time, there was a lack of vigor found behind my eyes and no spark ignited in my soul. Once upon a time, there was very little radiating back. I was simply an organism taking up space.
I'd play games with the wider world around me, including inanimate objects like the camera, with whom I would hold poses - straight, white teeth and a masquerading wide, forced grin on display. Yet, I'd wander up to a mirror, lean my face in close, and look into the brown eyes staring back. Yet, again, it was there - nothing. And, "I" was gone - poof. Obliterated. Escaped. Missing in action. Obsolete. Deleted ____
Simply an organism taking up space.
I longed for the candyland of childhood when sleep was deep and the dark rings of tension, stress and anxiety did not run circles around the cavities of my inner recesses. Once upon a time, I looked into my Self, and I noticed the glimmer of a harrowing pit of sadness, I sensed a gnawing pit of anger. Once upon a time, I heard the Oedipal call of fate. And, not too long ago, I thought it was my destiny to stagnate here in this numbing existence.
"The darkest hour of the night, comes just before the dawn." --Paolo Coelho
