head.
I spent the past few weeks marveling at how my headaches had not visited me. Even with the advent and passing of my Moon Cycle, my life was relatively free of physical pain. I was hoping that, maybe, this was because the empress of my heart was now ruling the show - not the demons of fear that can plague my mind. Ha!
Yesterday, I was hit like a ton of bricks. Knocked off my ass and into bed by 6:30pm, the pounding in my right temple throbbed out its resonant refrain. Granted, this was after a week of experiencing a 'pain in the neck' (literally and figuratively) and then feeling emotionally undone by my allowing for the abusiveness of another once more. Ai! Yet, I am not a victim here. As my sweet sister M. and I discussed, I intuitively knew all that I was walking into. Perhaps, I simply needed the reminder to step up and professionally offer solutions to all of these problems - humans with hard shells around their hearts; relationships that lack regenerative exchange; the forgotten memory that friendship is what sustains us; and the reminder that forgiveness is the way forward.
I returned to the company of another dear One over the past few days, as well. I had temporarily turned away from him two months ago when his mania began to hit full force. "Why should I have to deal with his craziness?" was the thought running through my bodymind then. Now, I simply sit and hold space for it all because it is as though he is embodying the cuckoo chaos of the entire world. In him I see not only my own craziness but I also feel our collective insanity - egos running amok, believing that we are somehow separate and distinct from one another and that, individually, we are each a God capable of extraordinary feats of super-humanity.
M. and I sat chatting in her lovely adobe home yesterday. One of my dearest sisters, her LOVE for me is wide and expansive. "You brought so much life into my world," she said, as she made me lunch, and we chatted over a candle-lit, gray afternoon. I recounted some of the on-goings in my life to her and she just listened - without judgment or enabling. And, in the end, it always comes down to the same thing. "I just want us all to remember that we're human," I told her. "And, I guess that means that I need to continue to show up in all of my totality - including my weaknesses, my faults, my frailties and my mistakes. All of it."
