Hmmm... I refer to a friend's FB post that I just saw today - something about how easy his meeting the great LOVE of his life should be when it comes. His post received a number of replies - some attesting to love's challenges, others applauding him and affirming his desire. Prior to this, I spent the afternoon enjoying a fruitful conversation with the two women who have successfully breathed fresh new life into San Diego's ailing DanceJam! Our nutritious communication kept coming back around to BALANCE and how imperative it is that we each learn to navigate the shaky terrain of this now by walking in equilibrium. It was brilliant to bee held in a circle of women who can relate to feeling the tumult of this NOW. "Yes, we can allow ourselves to FEEL without bee-ing knocked off of our centers," we agreed.
So, now here I am, surrounded by my sistahs in the Rooted Living house, talking about LOVE. Again, BALANCE is at the forefront of my responses. We talk about body size and how it affects our sense of self as well as the way we relate to and with others. I had to honestly admit that there is part of me who believes in the Kama Sutra's assertion that there are body shapes, and thus sexual organ shapes, that naturally fit together - like puzzle pieces - and there are some that are completely mismatched. However, there is also this part of me that mourns for how quickly we seem to reject and deny LOVE when it arrives at our door not looking like the illusions of ease and perfection that our minds create. "Um, no thanks, your socks are mismatched."
Really?
How sad.
Obviously, I am speaking from a place of experiencing this repeatedly - offering my love and receiving walls, defenses, why not's and how come's in return. There's nothing "wrong" with me, so what's the deal? Especially when there is no pressure for a perceived outcome, no need to label the next moment and a complete desire to simply live without guarantees, to just purely, radically LOVE - here and now, without abandon, fear, shame or guilt and in complete fun, ease and grace. Here's the thing though I have done a lot of emotional work to arrive here. I used to bee so fucking scared of this kind of LOVE that I ran in the other direction, I hid and I rejected and denied repeatedly. Even now, I make choices that keep me from growing because I am afraid - my ego holds on to what it's always known for fear of change, of being acted upon by something greater than myself.
This is how bell hooks' defines true love: “When we commit to true love, we are committed to being changed, to being acted upon by the beloved in a way that enables us to be more self-actualized. This commitment to change is chosen. It happens by mutual agreement…True love is unconditional, but to truly flourish it requires an ongoing commitment to constructive struggle and change.”
So, when does the struggle begin and for how long does it last? Is it natural to enter into a union that feels like a push and pull from the get go? Shouldn't a real relationship just be easy and fun and without any hardship for a long period of time to begin with? And, what is constructive struggle anyway?
