Sometimes, I need a reminder of my own SUCCESS - creating a weekly space where elders gather to breathe, bee & build community, & which continues to bee held long after I've taken my leave, is exactly this. While there, Betty shared with me how she can't sleep well at night because the deceased visit her often. She also said that, sometimes, she can no longer distinguish between daytime and dream time. "I'm visiting a psychiatrist next week," she said. "What you are experiencing is completely normal," I told her, gently massaging her arm.
To conclude the afternoon meditation session, BG read a wonderful passage from one of Louise Hay's books about how essential it is that we, essentially, learn how to "dance" into our graves! Not too ironically, L. asked me this morning as to what Louise would say about blindness in one's left eye. I didn't have to look that one up - "You're not seeing something that has to do with your Feminine-side," I off-the-cuff replied.
While spending the afternoon in walking contemplation with BG, she spoke of the few on-goings in her life - mainly, regurgitating past experiences with one woman. At 65-years-old, she leads the solitary life of an intellectual. "My mother said I was too particular," she responds, when I inquire "why" she has had few experiences of intimacy; none of which led to living with another. "It's an intriguing balance," I share. "In my 20's, I entertained long-term crushes in my mind. Thereby, closing myself off to real-time relationships. I suffered deeply as a result. Now," I said, " I surrender to real-time experiences where I might get hurt because to oppress or repress my feelings will hurt me worse."
"That's the thing about RISK TAKING - if we don't take RISK, THEN WE GET HURT.
AND, IF WE DO TAKE RISK, THEN WE MAY GET HURT."
And, well, I guess I'm tired of hurting so I am willing to roll the dice.
