The Truth Hurts

Did you get your copy yet?  royaljellypublishing.com

The moment and call that I had been expecting came.  In response to my first "LoveBook," my mother left a 4:45am message on my voice mail this morning.  "Your father was appalled at your LoveBook," her scratchy voice intoned.  "I burned it, along with your "Love" sign - in effigy," her scary, menacing self announced.  I pressed the number '7' for "Delete" at that point.  Yes, welcome to Cara's world.  And, I knew this was coming. 

What can I say?  Yes, I have my ugly shadows that my family, I am sure, will readily point out to you.  Heck, I do it myself right in my LoveBook - "All of this swirling confusion and chaos found a home inside of me as well, so that I'd strike out in words and deeds - by hitting, stealing, lying, cursing and more."  These dark sides of mine have continued right up until now and probably will bee with me for a long time.  I find it very difficult to feel emotionally safe enough to communicate my needs to others - especially in intimacy.  And, I can stand in the gale force wind of your judgment of me.  'Cuz Lord knows it just keeps coming anyway - the Universe has been having me steadfastly doing it for the last five months now.  

I wrote the LoveBook because I am tired of hurting - both my own and ours collectively.  I am sorry that all my parents could see in its beautiful embodiment were the few passages in which I mentioned their past selves.  Nonetheless, I expected this - I am so great at playing the victim because I learned it from my mother.  She also happens to bee the biggest perpetrator in my life, as well.  Ah, these strange contradictions.  How I love them!  As sweet brother J. pointed out on Tuesday night, "You are a Tantrika, Cara."  

Yes, I am willing to be with the discomfort of the darkness because it makes me human and right at home, on this planet Earth.  It's the only place I want to bee and the only ME I want to dream of, here and now - HUMAN!  Of course, it doesn't feel good - our growth doesn't always tickle.  Remember when your teeth were growing in?  Or, when you were dumped for the first time?  No, it's not easy but, then again, our spiritual evolution wasn't meant to bee.  Otherwise, it wouldn't take thousands of years for our Souls to evolve. 

So, my first LOVEBOOK has been burned in the home I grew up in.  YES!  We're off to an amazing start here, people.  LOVE hurts sometimes, it's true.  I am okay with being hurt because I accept it as par for course on this ride.  And, sometimes, I unintentionally hurt others (like my parents).  The question is not, "How can we avoid this pain and suffering."  Rather, it's "how can we allow it and then FORGIVE it?!"