It's been a week of feeling FEAR.
Yesterday, it swirled like a swarm of anxious hornets in my belly
reminding me of 2006 when my emotional health collapsed and I tasted
depression first hand.
Depression is simply repressed emotion.
Years spent avoiding naturally creates this.
We can dance our way back into feeling
all of this - so that we can move it
on out
of these feeling human bodies.
You, my astrological mirror, came into work though
and we worked through some "stuff" together. I appreciated your raw honesty - sharing how you felt judged by a patriarchal voice that was emanating from my Body Mind. I am willing to look at this beecuase it is so painfully apparent. It hurts - beeing judged and, especially, judging Others.
I am chuckling about how all of my "judgments" have come back to bite me in the butt.
It's a balance ~ this allowing ourselves to bee human.
I also shared how appreciative I am for the arms that are currently holding me.
I feel safe to fully expose myself - to bee in my discomfort without running off to try and avoid what is. It's shitty, yet I guess this is just me - demonstrating how to value poop as equally as we value money.
I also had to honestly admit to myself how let down I feel. Years ago, a psychic gave me a Chaldean numerology reading that said that 10/21/13 was my year to bee "#1." Naturally, I took this to mean that I would have my books published and my own publishing company, my debt paid off and an abundance of dollar bills flowing in, an ease with which to consume, and more. Being "#1" surely means that I have proved my worth and that I am recognized by the world outside of me as beeing "valuable." Right?
In the imbalanced world that we've been raised in, yes, and from the materials-based value system that has been forced for millennium now, yes. What about from a harmonious and sustainable perspective that is steeped in the new consciousness that is coming, however? Being "#1" just might mean that I am ONE - at peace with what is, in harmony with our One EarthBody and comfortable in being alone, all one. Perhaps, "beeing in my Power" does not mean that I am exerting power over others but, rather, acknowledging my shared humanity and existence on this planet Earth.
There's an amazing calm that touches hOMe after the storm. This morning, I touched forgiveness for myself, and all of us - after all, how am I/are we to embody any of this when I/we live in a civilization that avoids the dire consequences of our daily actions? It's okay - we're all okay for exactly where we are. It's natural to simply bee microcosms of the macrocosm. It's not "bad" any of it, but we do have to 'wake up.' We need to gut ourselves and feel this global shit - LOVE is counting on us.
