WE ALL HAVE IT.
Sex, that is.
As in
a gender,
a body that can, perhaps, fulfill and meet someone else's desires, needs or wants.
A thing to be had - an object to be craved.
This is simple.
For we are born with it - like the air we breathe and the water we drink.
Thus, sex is always present. We cannot remove our sexuality from any given moment
just as we cannot suppress the next breath that our lungs take. We cannot pretend
that sex is absent, especially when doing so may render it the position of a pink elephant - you know the most obnoxiously obvious person in a given room?
I share this not because I am some wise dance philosopher but, rather, because - when I really learned this, when this notion of "Oh, it's not personal" sank deeper into my being - I felt liberation. You see, for so long I had personalized Sex. As a young, American woman raised on primetime and MTV, I too erroneously believed that how I moved through the world, how I presented myself and the amount of attention I received based upon my external appearance (which can represent my sex) was of high value. An economic value sex has - yes, this cannot be denied. Saunter through Amsterdam's Red Light District where thigh-high tights stretch across Dutch women, seated in their boudoirs behind a rectangular window, and eyeball the bevy of jetblack-haired, Thai babes behind a glass windowpane at a brothel in Bangkok, and you too will hear the ancestral call for feeding our primal sexuality beckoning back through time.
I am not advocating for an either/or philosophy here, nor am I implying any value judgments. Sex is fucking great! As long as there are people in this world, there will be prostitution - sex for sale. It is the easiest commodity to come by, especially in a market-driven economy, where the basic tenet - "In order to eat, you have to work" keeps a surplus of food under lock and key and people scrambling to make ends meet. Rather, I am sharing my observations of what happened in my experiences of approaching life from a more two-dimensional viewpoint - an approach that holds more sacred the reflections in the mirror, and the images on the screen than the multi-dimensional and multi-sensory nature of life on this planet. I now share what happened when I succumbed to believing that my power was discovered in the gaze of another.
I BECAME A STONE,
like Stoic Sculpture in Motion.
Hardly moving to the fullest of my extension,
I continually refrained from twisting too far to the right or left
(so as not to show an unflattering side).
I suppressed my needs to sneeze, to laugh loudly, to make too much sound
especially if it would draw attention to a moment when I, perhaps, was not in "control."
I withheld my desire to be big, bold, loud, exclamatory. The innocent abandon
of my youth was squelched by an absolute, irrational desire to be viewed as "desirable."
Rigid, stone-like, I even began to withhold my Love. I took and took and took its
sweet offerings - the drawings and flowers, the rings and candy, the ephemeral moments
of notes passed and glances shared - but I refused to offer it myself.
Even though, Love had always been what my little girl's heart of heart truly craves.
Then, when I realized what had happened - how I had sacrificed my personality, my humor,
my child-like wonder and pure awe for life - I became angry.
Mad at society and men for reducing me into a mere object - a vision to be seen but not heard. And, I was mad at myself for falling for it. So, I crawled up into my rebellion as I added more layers of hard defenses to my already tough exterior. I continued to still push others away, yet all I have ever really wanted is Love - softness, affection, touch, contact. So, now, here I am, many years later, and I have rediscovered SEXiness on my terms.
I've found it in my relationship to and with the Earthgroundfloor below my feet. When I am moving in rhythm and in time with this liquid planet as it sways and undulates under my primal form, I stake my rightful claim. I declare my just space on this shared journey of Ours, as we float along this flowing river of time together. I take my place - without guilt, and without remorse. Without owing anyone anything. This is uncompromised, exquisitely selfish space that I take because I am HUMAN.
Join ME! And, turn your dancing on it's side! (Which, if this were solely about SEX, would be GREAT Practice! hint. hint. ; )
for my Primal Fluidity Dance Classes
every Wednesday Nights at the Hive
8-9pm
then stay and "Just Dance" till 11pm
