I awoke fresh from another snake dream.
This time, however, I was once again bitten.
In the dream, I was at an outdoor location, camping with my sister and her friend.
They alerted me to the snake on the ground, and I danced around its slithering presence
until it began hopping, using its singular coil like a spring. It hopped right onto my neck,
and bit me several times. I think it may have bitten me in my hand as well when I brushed it off my body. My father also played a role in this scenario, consoling me when I became emotionally devastated. "Why am I being bitten again?" was the old refrain playing its sad, lilting tune out.
On Monday, M. was talking quite a bit about snake medicine. "We are taking a lot of information in at once and, then, we are having to sit and be with it in order for it to digest," she said. With the Chinese New Year of the Snake upon us it's a fitting metaphor.
It's been a powerful first month of 2013 with lessons learned that have been both elementary and huge. Friendship is a theme that I love to ruminate upon. What does it look like, truly?
Friendship is generous, giving, loyal and yielding. R. surrendered his entire physical life to me - no holds barred, without shame or guilt and in total trust. I have witnessed him do this with another, too.
And, I observe how I have similarly offered the exact same to others. In return, I heard about how R's friend blatantly disrespected his family. Meanwhile, I have been on the receiving end of a complete and total lack of reciprocation, as well. Instead, in contrast, I try to bee regenerative in my exchange - so I breathe and stretch with his mom, translate homilies and go to church where his dad sings and is a deacon, talk privately with his sister when drama happens, do acroyoga with his brother, and then dedicate a book to him because its the least I can do to give back just a bit of all that is freely being shared with me. These small acts of engagement are goodwill embodied.
Unfortunately, I am finally admitting to myself that I feel surrounded by the exact opposite - here in San Diego, it feels like the "me me me-mentality" is the status quo. It's rife - the stinky way that we, the supposedly "conscious" crowd, are perpetuating popular paradigm. We're trying to crawl over one another's heads in some forced effort to get to some perceived, other location. "HELLO!!!!!!!!" I am screaming into our collective faces. "THIS IS IT." (These moments, now.)
Duh.
Not too long ago, I called a soul sister who was on a much needed vacation. She cried when she heard my voice, because nobody called her. Meanwhile, I worked for that same "sisterhood" and it also couldn't show up for me - not for my birthday, or my events. How sad. I've married a musician and provided food and shelter for another, and though they say, "I am so grateful," they're actions rarely demonstrate this. Unless, of course, I remind them, then reciprocation comes. Like a scolding mother, I have to ask for a return kiss.
In December, R. made up a song and sang it on the spot after I had simply made cups of tea and then served us them in the living room. In that moment, R. demonstrated what LOVE can look like. And, the best thing about this LOVE is that it doesn't "mean" anything - it just means that we are grateful for this now and that we're giving it all we got so that we can move on to whatever is to come next.
Whatever is to come next.
Embodiment is not something that you stand up on a stage and speak about - down to a crowd of clueless faces. And, it isn't found facing downward dog on a yoga mat in a warm studio.
What felt safest to me about R. was that he was willing to call the stink out for what it is - BULLSHIT.
This weekend, R's sister talked about the old masculine way of pride, of being unforgiving and how tribal culture slights one another by not showing up to each others' parties. "I wanted to practice unconditional love," she shared, "but our showing up only created more anger, passive aggressive behavior and violence." And all I can feel is how I am so ready to thrive in a world where the feminine way of regenerative exchange, true friendship and unconditional LOVE is embodied.
